These Damn Hidden Desires (BoyXBoy)

2: My Father

(WARNING: this chapter is quite upsetting as it involves a disturbing scenario.)

I was only twelve years old at the time my parents decided to move. They'd been divorced for three years, although we all still lived together. I loved my Mum and my sister then... but my Father... I did not. I was forced the stay with dad while my sister was lucky and moved to live with mum...

I can still remember the day when my hatred for him came to life. It was the first day of a new school.

He'd just lost his job and was losing all his money as he constantly wasted all his cash on alcohol and hookers.
He was at home, on the couch passed out drunk with the TV blaring away in the background.

Mum wasn't able to pick me up from school because of work and my sister was over at a friends house. So I had to walk home all by myself with my head held low and my hands stuffed in my pockets.

My face was all muddied and bloodied because of a fight I'd had a school, one of the boys called my mum a slut...
She's been dating a few men at the same time, one of them was this kids father... So yeah, it was only a natural response for a kid. Yet I didn't know what it meant.

Once I reached the front door about half an hour later, I took in a deep breath, as I knew Dad had been stressed and probably in a foul mood again today.

"I'm home!" I yelled out from behind the old oak wood door that was turning all splintery and splitting down the middle. I could almost see right inside.
I knocked loudly and took a quick step back.

I could hear nothing.

Why didn't mum gimme some house keys? I'm old enough...

"D-Dad it-"

"FUCK OFF! I don't wanna buy whatever shit your selling!"
His drunk and roused up voice growled from inside, resulting in a loud and painful coughing fit.

He'd been smoking for about two years... but three packs a day is just too much. The house was filled with smoke some even slipping out of the crack in the door. Needless to say, it stunk.

"D-Daddy it's Shino..." My lips quivered as I spoke in a nervous voice.

The door clicked and opened, I was grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled inside as if a bomb was about to drop.

"Fucking hell... where in fucks sake have you been?! you little shit..." He croaked out as he whacked me over the head with the TV remote.

"Nnm..." I recoiled and with haste, covering my eyes and quickly crying out.
"Sorry Daddy!"

He scoffed as I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

I still remember the look of revolt on his face. "Filthy boy... what's all that shit painted on your face!?" He scowled while pinching my cheek with great force.

"F-fight at school Dad..." I groaned and took a few quick steps backwards.

"Oh that's right... Your fucking teacher called me up today. You know how bloody embarrassed and ashamed I am of you!? I thought I taught you how to WIN a fight! Not be a fucking pussy..." He slammed the remote on the nearest table and took another swig from his beer bottle.

"C'mon, I'll show you have to fight like a man!"

Smash

He'd completely shattered the glass bottle on the wall, a whole splash of beer drenched my face.

"Daddy stop!" I yelled and tried to run upstairs to my room, but was held back as he reached for shirt, hooking his finger in the back of it.

"Fight me!" He hissed and mounted me right on the stairs.

"L-let me go! M-Mum!! mummy!" I called out to her but knew there was no hope.

"That mother of yours ain't coming for you now. She never came for me either so FUCK THAT BITCH!" He spat out harshly.
I cried and struggled underneath him, but it was utterly useless. An eighty kilo man atop a twenty three kilo boy... there was no escape.

"C'mon! Take a swing at my face... Oh what? you too scared? FINE! I'll demonstrate!" He had his fists up in the air, ready to come down and hit my face.

But all of a sudden. He stopped.

"P-please daddy... D-do-don't do this!" My voice trembled as I sensed his fist right up against my neck.

The look on his face was... sad.

"Y-you..." He blubbered and slammed his hands down by either side of my head.

"With that pale face... Black hair... Those whimpers of mercy. Just like your mother..." My dad got off of me and placed his hands on my chest.

"Just like her... without the woman parts. But... that never mattered to me anyway."

I didn't know what to say. I was paralysed with confusion and fear... How to react to this... I was too young to know how.

I was flung over his shoulder, fireman carry style, defenceless and clueless to what he had just said.

He dropped me right on the couch, the smell of beer and pretzels infused into the cushions.

"Just like her..." He sighed in a low tone.

His lips abruptly attacked my neck.
I was shaken with fear and had no idea what exactly he was going to do to me.

"Fa-father?"

"Don't call me that! Call me... Master, just like your mother would."

"Daddy I don't underst-"

He slapped me forcefully across the cheeks and dug a knee into my lower regions.
"eh! No master! What are you doing?!" I screamed out in a panic as I didn't want I be struck again... But why was he touching me there...

"Never placed your hands upon here boy?" He snickered and shoved one of his hands down my trousers.

I kicked him in the chest as I remember my mothers words.

"If anyone at all tries to touch you there make sure you break free and run to tell me or your daddy."

But how could I possibly escape... This was my daddy.

'What if he is the one doing the touching? Does that make it right?'

I continued to kick him and scream the whole time he was violating my body yet... Had no one to run to.

I don't want to tell you the rest... It's too much to talk about and brings up the worst memories of my entire existence. The day I lost all innocence.

By the time it was over I ran upstairs to my room and cried for hours. I wanted to pick up the phone and call mum or dial for an ambulance as I was bleeding profusely from down there.

For a week I had to stuff toilet paper down my pants to soak up all that leaked out, it was incredibly painful, I could hardly sit without shedding a few tears.

"Now boy, you tell me when you've stopped bleeding down there okay?" My father sat down and told me sternly.

I sniffled a little.
"Why?"

"Because then we can continue with our little game." He chuckled and walked off.

'It... Hurts...'

Once it had stopped I didn't tell my father.
He knew something was up as I was walking straight and didn't wince when I sat.

As I walked downstairs on my way to school and made my way to the door, turned the knob, only to have it spring back into place.

It was locked.

"Unbuckle your belt." A cold icey voice demanded.

I gulped loudly yet knew... I had to do it or else I'd be abused even worse than I was going to be.

"Drop your pants."

I very quickly did as he said. Standing in the corridor with nothing on but a shirt and my bag which I placed beside me. A tear forced its way out as I knew what was to come.

"Now... Bend over."