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Life is a fragile thing, and we know it will end. Death comes for us all, and we can't fight it or prepare for it. "embrace life with passion instead," the Phychiatrist tells me. We will all die someday, but im not gonna sit here and try and make light of it.
"Why." I say quietly to the Phychiatrist, almost forgetting Larry was right there for a minute. "Why embrace life with passion when it's all going to end anyway? We're all just pawns in a game, a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things. Life is nothing but pain and suffering, a constant struggle to survive. Why waste energy and effort, When everything is pointless in the end?" Shit did I really just say that out loud? They are both quiet. I'm not saying a word. Surely, the Phychiatrist has been with worse than me. Why are they so quiet. Speak, Speak, Speak already!
"This is worse than I thought," she finally stated, writing something down on a clipboard. I looked over at Larry. He looked upset, concerned, and disappointed. "May I eat lunch now?" I asked. I wanted to be out of this room as quickly as possible, even if I could never show my face in that cafeteria again, I just didn't want to be here. "I'll go with him." Larry said, smiling. No! Not what I wanted, neither was I expecting that either.
Now me and Larry are left together holding hands and walking to the cafeteria, or so I thought. Suddenly, he makes a right turn. "This isn't the right way.." I said quietly. He didn't say a word. Now we are in the parking lot. What is happening!? He took me to his car, and I immediately pulled back from him when he tried to get me into the car. "What are you doing!" I say, clearly afraid. "What do you mean? I'm helping you escape, " Larry said, trying to be quiet. "But why?" I said in a moment of panic and shock. "You're not crazy Shrignold! You don't belong here. Come home, have a drink, be with me." I paused. What a big decision to make. Leave with the lover boy or go back to the institution.
Something about the past makes me want to go back to him. It makes me long for closure and acceptance, but I'll never get better. do I even want to get better anyway? the past is a place of pain and regret, where happiness is but a distant memory. It's a place where I can't move on, where I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of hurt and despair but love and lust. Closure and acceptance are but empty words, They offer no comfort or relief. How can I be better when I'm trapped in the past, when my heart is heavy with pain and sorrow. a prison that holds me captive, dark and airy, I can't escape its cold embrace. It's like a ghost that haunts me, constantly reminding me of my regrets and mistakes. I'm stuck in a place of loneliness and isolation, There's no way out, no escape from the darkness. I'm tired of longing for something that will never fight a battle that's already lost. Maybe this is why I see that figure. This is why he's near me. This is why he's here at my worst and never at my best. Will Larry ever be there at my worst. Maybe he's here to only be at my best.
"I'm not going with you." I said firmly. He looked confused. "Please, come with me. I can't do this alone. I wanna move to a new country with you, I want to build a house, have children, live a life with only you, please come with me. You will. I promise I'll treat you right. I promise It'll be fun and happy. We will love each other more than we ever have. If you just get in the car, Shrignold." He said, getting frustrated. I could tell he was stressed.
What should I do?
YOU ARE READING
Healing... (A dhmis fanfic)
Fanfictiongetting inspiration from the movie "Girl, Interrupted" and an old roleplay I did a bit ago, I've decided to write in the perspective of Shrignold and how he will heal in the mental institution he was sent to...
