>•~Falling Upwards~•<

Chapter Twenty~ My Fault

You must be one to apologize;
Even when you truly hold,
No need to do so.

I wonder why —
I mean, you can tell,
Just by looking at you.

Now, now,
I don't mean that in a bad way,
You are a good person...

Maybe just too good for your own good.

——

(A few days later)

~C~

I sit on charcoal. My charcoal bed. That's what remains, after all. That's what all of the hard work has accounted for. Just some ashes.

They blow off in the wind. Their swirls like to dance. They like to play. Maybe they like to laugh at us as well. Probably, it is pretty easy to laugh at us now. We are fools, especially after what we let happen to us.

Good people can often be manipulated. That is our downfall. Then, the world must step in. It takes us into its own hands, and roughens us up for ourselves.

Maybe we should thank that. When someone looses everything, then there is nothing else to loose. When someone looses their child-like view on the world... Well, then the world becomes less bright. Then it is a dark world to live in.

Except, I haven't lost everything. I look behind me. There is April. April... I wouldn't have expected to end up in this with someone like her.

She is still here. April is like a cockroach — In a good way! She cannot be killed. Rather, at least, it seems very hard to kill her off.

So, now we are stuck together. I squint my eyes at her. What in the world is she doing? Is she... Eating the ashes? Damn, uh, I know I got a few screws loose, but this is just a new level of "what?"

I get up. My legs are sore. For the last few days, this is where we have been. Thankfully, some of our food reserves were saved. Thats it, though. Yesterday we finished them off; there are none left.

I hobble my way over to her. There are a few bruises scattered about on me. However, nothing serious. Yet again, I must thank April for that. She stopped me from helping August. She held me back. She, too, can be responsible for his dead.

Not that I should be pointing fingers.

That is not what a good, sane person would do.

"April, what are you doing?" I ask. I move over to her tentatively.

April moves back. Tears sting her eyes, and mark red streaks among them. She looks down at her dusted-up boots, and shakes her head. April seems defeated.

"We are gonna die out here, aren't we?" She murmurs.

I shrug. "Maybe not,"

Now she looks at me. I grow still. I feel frozen; trapped. I do not enjoy fire, nor do I like it. April may just be the definition of fire, and it's licking flames. Even when she is drenched in tears, her embers still burn.

"What do you mean?" April asks. I feel as though the tides have changed. Why now does she look up to me? I am no one.

I just sit down beside her. Beside me, my eyes immediately catch onto a sharp red color. No, this is not blood. It's a rose. Somehow, its little stem can sprout through the desert's glare.

"See, look at this," I point to it.

Her eyes follow my finger, and then off to where I point. She raises an eyebrow, as if to question what I mean. She does question what I mean.

I smile up at April. The flower's petals match her hair. Each, and every last one of them. Maybe I should see her in a different view. Maybe she isn't who I made her out to be.

I should choose peace towards her. We have both been through so much. I should not waste my short life on hate. Now that, would be something to laugh at.

"Life always finds a way, even here," I find myself echoing August's words.

August has been sitting in the back of my mind. I want to forget about him. I want him out. There are so many mixed feelings that come with just his name. Anger, and sadness. That is an easy way to simply them all.

For now, I will lock him away with everything else. I am backtracking from my original goal: To find my memories. Now, I put them aside. This is only because they just... They just hurt too much.

'Maybe now I see why my old self forgot what happened to us, to me.' I think. However, I know the answer. I know that I will be silly, and won't listen to my own advice.

April smiles back at me; she wipes off some of her tears. "I can see that,"