MayHem

Under the Surface

May's POV

I've been invited to an one on one interview with the Wendy Williams called "Getting to know the voice behind the music". I honestly don't mind broadcasting all of my business on TV because I know that my struggles made me a better person. Somehow, telling people what I been through and how I overcome will inspire people in the same space in life to keep going. If anything, I want my music career to be about how I'm for the people. Opening up is something that I am a little nervous about, but I prayed on it. I'm ready for any question Wendy has for me. BRING IT ON LADY!

Wendy: (Talks to camera) Hello, this is Wendy Williams and I am hosting "Getting to know the voice behind the music". Where we interview upcoming artists and get to know the root of the music. Today, we have the beautiful Mahalah also known as May. How are you doing today?

May: I'm great. I'm just happy to be here, honestly.

Wendy: Great, I have a lot of questions for you sweetheart.. So let's first talk about this look. The natural look. What inspired your hair and natural skin.

May: Well, honestly I never liked makeup. I think it takes too long, sometimes it smells, and my skin doesn't really work well with a lot of products.

Wendy: Wow, you don't even need makeup girl, you are radiant. With your clear skin, it hard to tell if you are wearing makeup or not. What about the hair though? I love the huge fro..

May: You know I don't think of my hair as a fashion statement or anything like that. This is just how my hair is when it grows out of my head... I used to perm my hair a long time ago, but when I realized what exactly I was putting in my hair. I decided that it wasn't for me. (chuckles a little)...

Wendy: Understandable... Now your music style, what motivates your music..

May: Nothing really, I never go into the studio with something in mind. I usually just make a random beat or melody and just roll with it. My music is random. Wherever the sound takes me.

Wendy: That's interesting.. I heard that your mother and father wasn't in your life, why?

May: Oh.. Wow..

Wendy: I'm sorry if I'm going to deep..

May: No, you're fine.. I just when I came here I prepared myself for all the questions you might throw at me .. But for some reason, I didn't do that one. I guess I'll start talking about my father. I didn't know much about my father because he died when I was two years old. He had some type of cancer. What I do know about him is that he was an amazing banker. He's one of those bankers that could make money legally out of nothing. My father was well respected for his ability to work with people to overcome debts and teach them about economics.

Wendy: Are you good at math?

May: VERY. I think that's one of the things that me and my father have in common. My father was also a minimalist. He never spent money on things we didn't need. I do the same. After I signed to T.D.E. people pushed me to buy a new car. My old yellow Jeep gets talked about all the time, but I see no need to have these fancy cars that people think I should have.

Wendy: Was your father present in your life before he died.

May: Yes, my father knew he was going to die before I was born. I would say that my father was there for me more than my mother and she died when I was 16. See, when my mother told my dad she was pregnant, my father sold everything he owned including the house they lived in and invested the money. They moved out of a 4 bedroom home into a 1 bedroom apartment and and sold 2 of their cars to leave them only with one. He ended up investing $50,000 of savings and cutbacks into stock, bonds, and real estate. My father was on his death bed, but he worked hard to earn every cent to make sure that my mom finished college and that she would be alright after he passed. And when I say he was on his death bed, I mean it. When I was born, my father was at the hospital, but sadly he wasn't in the room with my mother. He was in a room of his own under going surgery. A few months before he died he withdrew all of investments and he made 1 million dollars out of $50k.

Wendy: Wow! What did you and your mother do with all that money?

May: My mother got her $500k immediately, but I didn't get my half until I turned 18.

Wendy: Amazing, So when you say that your father was there for you more than your mother, what do you mean?

May: After my father died, a piece of my mother went with him. He knew he was dying, but my mother always had hope.. which maybe put her in denial. See, I look just like my father. I feel that everyday she looked at me.. she remembered him and couldn't bare it. She used her work to keep herself distracted. She went to college for engineering and became a petroleum engineer. She traveled all the time and I barely got to see her. I feel that my mom did re-marry, to her work. She left me alone in a house with no one for years and years. The only person I had was my neighbor, Rosco. She told him to look after me. She barely knew the guy. She used her work to escape for the pain of my father dying. I didn't understand that then. I thought she hated me for no reason. I always worked really hard for her to love me you know. I never heard her say "I love you" or "I'm proud of you"..

Wendy: That is so sad, how did you even manage without a mother?

May: Books. I read about everything I needed. I learned to cook from books. I learned about my period from books. I believe that most of the knowledge I know today is not from the public school, but from the independent reading I did at home. My books were my friends, my mother, and my father. When I ever felt low, I didn't call my mother for help. I read a fiction novel and I pretended to be in the book. That's how my poems started. After reading poems and books, I decided to start doing my own. I would say that's where all my music comes from.

Wendy: Wow. Books raised you. Do you hate your mother?

May: No, I never hated my mother. I just wanted her to love me. I never really got mad at the fact that she wasn't never around. I just pushed harder for her attention. Getting straight A's was the only thing that I was good at and I kept my school work my first priority. I did slip when it came to my weight. I used food as a pleasure. Then I started to hate myself because I wasn't thin and I thought maybe that's why she didn't love me. I never really hated my mother, but I really hated myself.

Wendy: Why?

May: I wanted to be perfect for her. My mother was lightskinned. I wanted to be lightskinned so she would love me. Therefore, I hated my skin. My mother was very smart and creative. I wanted to be smart and creative as well, so I hated my mind. My mother was thin and had the perfect body. I didn't have a body like hers, so I hated my own. I wanted her to love me so bad that I didn't have time to love myself. I remember I would go on this dating website and pretend I was some mixed big booty chick. I mean at first I didn't see anything wrong with it. I would go on the site and change my name and change my personality and be someone else. I didn't realize I hated myself until I tried to log on as myself... I could go through with it. I thought that NO ONE would be interested in a fat nerd. I remember having dreams of being happy: family, friends, and love. But it was never me in the dreams, it was always someone else. If it was me in the dream, it was a nightmare. I couldn't bare the thought of someone like me being happy, having friends or a family. I would lay in bed for hours reenacting the dream with someone else in it so I would feel better.

Wendy: Wow... You were really depressed. How did you come out of that..?

May: As a African American, A pro-black group on instagram caught my attention.. It was talking about self love, black power, and eating right. I've always been interested in black history and black activists such as Malcolm X and Huey. I started learning more and more about the pro-black society and they opened up my eyes. I feel God sent them to me. I'm a strong believer in God and I don't know what I would have done without him/her. I started to learn my skin tone.. I started to love myself bit by bit.. When I loved my skin tone, I started to worry about what I put in my body. Then I started eating healthier and I started losing weight. Then, I started to realize that I didn't need my mother's approval. As long as I was doing right by God, that's all I needed. I am now a pro-black conscious vegan beautiful black woman and I want to help girls all around the world become the best they can be.

Wendy: Wow, That's all I can say... That would be all on Getting to know the voice behind the music.. I'm Wendy Williams and this is May... Goodbye...