You can't save her (Homelander)

Chapter 41

The two friends sat in Becca's room, Safia holding her friends hand in one while her other hand painted a light pink shade over her fingernails. It was like the good old days....

Wayyyy better than watching Homelander threaten everyone.

"Why does he keep leaving you here?" Becca wondered aloud, eyeing the Cuban as her facial expression twisted, a sigh falling from her lips.

Safia shrugged. "He knows I couldn't escape for one, especially with the cameras everywhere, they're probably almost as terrified to lose me as much as Ryan," she explained, focusing deeply on painting her friends fingernails, "but I don't know, he's been acting strange."

"Because he's so normal all the time?" 

"You know what I mean," she rolled her eyes as if it were a funny topic before her expression turned serious, "I got some news and I feel like since that he's been... kind of all over the place, right now he's spoiling me non stop and doing what I want." 

"And you're upset about that?" 

"You don't walk with a demon just because he holds your hand gently," Safia quoted wisely, glancing up at her, "you don't think I'm that materialistic, do you?"

"You are pretty materialistic," Becca professed. Safia shrugged, nodding in agreement before her friend spoke again, "what news did you get?" 

Safia's hands trembled slightly, betraying herself as she continued to try paint Beccas nails, accidentally painting her skin. 

It was still something hard to accept.

It felt like she was robbed - her dream cruelly snatched away.

She had always envisioned a future filled with family and love, the idea of never being able to bear children felt like a personal tragedy. She had deprived herself of something fundamental and precious, taken that medication knowing she couldn't trust Madelyn... It was all her fault.

It wasn't just about the physical inability to conceive; it was the emotional void, the loss of something she had longed for but could never have.

"I can't have kids anymore. I always wanted to raise my babies... and I can't," Safia uttered shakily, putting the brush inside the bottle. Becca held her hands tightly, listening as she continued, "he's infatuated with Ryan and the idea of family so it's like he doesn't know what to do with me if I can't give him that." 

"But it's not your fault,"

"It is." Safia gritted sadly, "I let Madelyn Stilwell inject me with this experimental supe-baby birth control and apparently it ruined any chance I had to conceive." 

"Did you really want kids with him though?" Becca asked gently, patting her hands slowly.

"Of course not! I told him a million times if we got pregnant there's no way I'd survive and God knows I wouldn't let him raise a kid alone..." she promised, resting her head on her friends shoulder as they sat side by side, "I don't know maybe I thought we'd end sooner or later and I'd find someone and have a little niño or two. I've always wanted them... but I'll never have that." 

"I'm sorry Saf," Becca spoke, her voice full of sympathy as she bought her friend into a much needed hug.

"Thanks," Safia sniffled before pulling back and grabbing her hands, adding, "don't mess up my hard work."

"You know Billy came to see me a couple of days ago," the mother told her, looking at Safia with a strange expression- an unsure one, "he's planning to get me and Ryan out."