Amy & Penny

Chapter Six

Amy pov:
I felt horrible leaving Penny at home all by herself. She's gotta be lonely and bored. People at the office keep asking about her and it's getting harder to lie. Especially to Kamal and Gemma. Kamal is the sweet girl from India that everyone loves. She is also the office manager and our friend. Gemma is blonde and ditzy, but super nice and works in reception. She's our friend too. They both have been wanting to see Penny, but I don't want them to see her like this. Not yet, anyway.

I got into my car and drove home. I was nervous to enter my apartment because lately, Penny hasn't been herself. She has been behaving recklessly and it's starting to scare me. I really don't want her to hurt herself.

I nervously walked into the apartment and hung up my purse. I called for Penny but she didn't respond. I slowly peered into my bedroom and saw her lying in her bed, facing the wall. I quietly approached her and saw her eyes were shut, but her face was all red, and tears stained her cheeks. She had obviously been crying and my heart snapped. I heard her quiet little sniffles.

"Penny?" I asked quietly.

"What." She flatly replied. She didn't even open her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Go away. I'm fine." She murmured with what little effort she could muster.

"You're not fine, you would never tell me to go away." I pointed out. She didn't say another word, she just sniffled again and I felt a pang of guilt. I've never seen her like this before.

I gently covered Penny's little body with my hand like a warm blanket with my thrumb around her shoulder. She curled up even more into a ball and more tears ran down her face. She let out a choked sob.

"Penny, what's wrong? You can tell me." I tried to reassure her. No answer. "Was it something I did? Did I hurt your feelings or make you upset?" I asked, hoping it wasn't that.

"No." She said, so quietly that I barely heard her.

"Are you lonely?" I asked. She nodded.

"I miss work. I miss Kamal and Gemma. I miss doing things for myself." She cried some more.

"I'm so sorry. I wish there was something more I could do." I tried to make her feel better. She started to roll over onto her back. I moved my hand off of her slightly so she could move easier.

"It makes me feel awful, Amy. It makes me feel like life isn't worth living." Penny admitted. She looked at me and I could see the pain in her bloodshot eyes.

"Don't say that, we are going to get through this." I said.

"No, Amy. If this is how my life is going to be forever, then I don't think I want to be alive." She cried.

"I know you're hurting, but please don't talk like that. You're scaring me. You have so many people who love you." I tried to comfort her.

"Can I see them? Can I come to the office with you?" She asked me with slight hope.

"I don't know, Penny. I don't want you to get hurt or lost." I expressed. She didn't say another word about it and rolled back over to face the wall, covering herself with her shirt-blanket. She burried her face into it too. I rubbed her little shoulder with my thumb and decided to leave her alone to rest. Feeling horrible, I left the bedroom to start cooking dinner.

About half an hour later, with dinner in the oven, I couldn't stop thinking about Penny, so I went to check on her. I walked carefully and quietly incase she was sleeping. I peered in and saw her sitting cross-legged on her bed, playing with what looked like the grapple hook thing I had confiscated before.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled as I panicked and stormed into the room. She flinched but didn't move, just tried to hide the paperclip. I carefully held her little arm with my thumb and pointer finger and was able to pry the contraption out of her hands.

"Ow! Amy, what the hell!" She yelled.

"Why do you have this?! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" I asked, getting increasingly worried. She didn't say a word but her face said it all. "Oh, my god." I said in a shocked lower tone when I realized. I felt all the guilt and sadness.

"I can't live this way. I feel trapped and isolated and lonely and worthless..." tears rolled down her cheeks and her rambling turned into sobbing. It broke my heart to see her that way.

"Ohh, Penny.. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." I scooped her up and hugged her as tight as I could without squishing her. I felt so bad, she tried to tell me she was struggling mentally, but I didn't realize how serious she was, or that she was actually thinking about harming herself. What would have happened if I was too late? I didn't even want to think about it. When the embrace was over, Penny sat in my cupped hands and I gently wiped her tears as my own tears fell down my face.

"I'm sorry too. I'm so depressed. I feel like such a worthless inconvenience." Penny admitted with more tears.

"You aren't either of those things." I assured her. "I've been thinking about what you said about feeling isolated and coming back to the office. We can take baby steps. A few hours here and there. Let just Kamal see you. Then just Gemma. Would that help you feel better?" I proposed.

"Yes. Oh my god, I miss them." Penny admitted.

"Baby steps, okay? No crowds or crazy lunches or anything like that. We'll start slow." I said.

"Thank you so much! Just the thought of that is making me feel a little better." She said.

"Good, I'm glad." I said, truly happy she was starting to feel a bit better. "Are you okay now?" I asked.

"I think I'm getting there." She replied.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again. I'm always here for you, no matter what. Taking your own life is never, ever the answer. Okay?" I tried my best to comfort her and reassure her. I gently brushed her hair with my fingers.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again." She said quietly looking down at her feet.

"You promise?" I asked, holding up my pinky finger with my free hand. She looked up at me and we pinky swore on it as best as we could with her tiny little pinky finger.

"I promise."