ALEX:
Dorian wilted against me the second we left the coffee shop, utterly silent and brooding deeply. “Dorian?” I asked cautiously.
“Yeah?” he ask quietly.
“What happened back there?” I dared to ask.
“I dunno...”
“You do. Something made you flirt with me, kiss my cheek for a picture and nearly kiss me in full.” he winced at the mention of each out of character act.
“I know it's confusing, but I do like you...I like you a lot. Honest I do, but...circumstances being what they are I can't like you the way I do. Not for a while.” I glanced at him as often as I could and watched as tears gathered in his eyes before he angrily wiped them away, muttering about how he was 'acting like such a flipping girl'.
“Why not?”
“Because I live with my boyfriend! How well do you think he'd handle me dumping him for you? Do you think his mom, my legal guardian, would react to me breaking up with her son, less than a week after dragging me out of hell, it would just show just how much of an ungrateful little shit I am! I'd be out on the streets again in a new, unfamiliar world! I can't do that...” he cried.
“We could talk to my moms...” I suggested.
“Like they wouldn't think they'd better not for fear that I'd do the same thing to you?” he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, as if to say 'fuck life and everything about it right now'.
I bit my lip, wishing I could fix this....I always wanted to fix everything for everyone and this was almost always how it turned out. Everything in shambles and me standing with my hands open, looking expectantly at them as if the solution to what was wrong would simply appear there like magic. I was slapped with dejavu, of when Minxie told me she liked me....
Flashback:
'I hate this' I thought, laughing and joking with my group of 'guy friends' as they mockingly pretended to barf at the sight of two guys openly staring at one another adoringly, fingers laced together, sneakingly little kisses when they thought no one was looking. I smiled tenderly, wishing so badly that I could be like them, just open with it....but I was enough of a freak as it was, having been adopted by lesbians after having been an unwilling child prostitute in Greece, I knew every nook and cranny of my older brothers genitals and what it took to set him off, son of a whore....and a whore myself...I was barely fourteen and had been filled with guys juices, covered in chicks juices and forced to spew myself countless times....I shook myself mentally, my consciousness returning to the situation at hand. “Guys, my mom's are gay, I really don't appreciate that kinda shit.” of course it's just like me to befriend the only three homophobes in the whole freaking city. I mean, we'd been friends for two years, it was only a few months ago that they decided being gay was gross.
“That's different!” Markus gawped, elbowing his shadow, Eric's arm, “it's hot when two chicks shove their tongues down each-others throat, when it's a pair of dudes? Nasty.”
Eric smiled, nodding enthusiastically, as if Markus was spinning golden words of wisdom, the truly hilarious thing about that? A year later he had me bent over his kitchen counter while his mom was in her study, three doors down.
“It's not nasty, I think it's kinda sweet....” I closed my eyes, wishing the ground below me would open up and swallow me whole...I did NOT just say that!
“Sweet?” Tyler asked dangerously, eyes flashing with hatred. “My older brother is a damn fag, and there's nothing 'sweet' about what I caught him and his boyfriend doing last night.” I gulped quietly, my brows knitting together, knowing that Tyler's older brother was Max's current lover...
“What were they doing?” I heard myself saying, sucking in a short breath through my teeth, wishing like hell I hadn't just asked that....
“They were naked on their knees on the bed, facing the door with his boyfriend behind him, Jake's arms were around his neck ad he was holding Jake's hips,” he paused, looking ready to puke while I was desperately trying to hide my hormonal body's reaction to the mental image of Max and an older version of Tyler following the story line. “Anyway, I heard a whole bunch of moaning and didn't know he had the guy in there with him, so I went up there to tell him to turn the volume on his computer down or something and....right as I walked in....Jake...”
Oh, dear god no! I thought frantically, but it was too late....there was a noticeably large wet spot right under my belt line... “Holy shit, dude!” Markus shouted, pointing in horror at the cum stain, humiliating me further. I turned, teary eyed and ran as fast as I could to my best friend Minxie's house, not even pausing long lough to shoot an apology to her parents or shut the door, thundering my way up the stairs to her room.
“Minx!” I cried, flinging myself at her, sobbing for all I was worth.
“Oh, my gosh, Alex, what happened?” her voice dripped with concern as she led me to her bed, sitting down and resting my head on her shoulder, rocking me slightly. “Was it a flashback?” she asked cautiously, knowing that that was the one thing I would never go in depth with...
“No, worse!” I cried dramatically, burying my face in her chest.
“What?” she ask gently, stroking the hair from my forehead. I pointed wordlessly at the stain. “Oh...” she said slowly, her face above me and chest beneath my cheek flashing hot. “Isn't that a normal guy thing?”
“Not when you're at the park with your friends.” I muttered, leaving off the part about what exactly it was that made me go off. “And if u say 'Oh' one more time, I may just rip your boobies off.” I grumbled, snuggling into the warmth.
“Um, okay, well then, it could've been worse. At least you were with your friends! It's not like they'll stop being friends with you just because—”
“The fizzing in my pants! It's what made me jizz that's the big problem!” I groaned.
“And that was?” she asked.“Well...Tyler was talking about....walking in on our brothers....the way he was describing it though....” I shifted uncomfortably.
“Well, I mean, I still love and respect you...really, Alex....I-I love you.” she murmured, kissing my forehead.
I smiled and snuggled into her. “I love you too.”
“No I mean...I'm actually IN love with you.” I sat up as if an electric shock had gone through me, fate could never be so cruel. There was no way in hell that my best friend, who is a GIRL had fallen for me.
“Oh, Minx...” I said, sadly.
“Look, I mean, would it be so awful to try?” she whispered quietly.
“Yes....it would end in tears....it would be awkward and suckish....and we both know it....” I whispered back, hating myself for being gay for the second time that day.
“Yeah....we do....” Minxie smiled through her tears and it was a long time before we were right again after that....
