If At First

Part 2 - Chapter 1

1

Since third grade, that day Jill Perkins pushed Danielle off the slide and I ran to help her up, Danni and I have been inseparable. We communicate entire conversations without words. We always know what the other is thinking. Well almost always. I've imagined having a sister would be like what Danni and I have, and I never could keep anything from her. I don't know why I thought to start now.

Watching her search my expression for the real meaning behind what I miserably attempted to spit out, made me feel like we were eight again.

The halo of smoke courtesy of a neighboring table did nothing to disguise Danielle's indignant stare from across the glossy high-top. She narrowed her normally wide eyes, fingers interlaced beneath her chin. I refuse, out of pure stubbornness and because she's won the last hundred times, to blink.

I was doing my best to explain why I'm moving back to Madison. She didn't waver, just sat there digesting what I was trying to say, while the encased candle in the center of the table flicked shadows across her doll-like face. My mouth went dry.

"My dad's having a hard time with the boys." I rationalize, "He can't concentrate at work like he needs to, and I've officially run out of money if I honestly still plan on going anywhere near Europe before I graduate."

I finally blinked. I was always terrible at that game anyway. It was hard enough to look at her at all, let alone a staring contest. I fidgeted diligently with my spoon, now looking everywhere except at her. "Going back is logical. It is." I wanted to convince us both I knew what I was doing but I could tell she detected otherwise.

She tilted her head to one side, breaking what felt like an interminable silence. "So, you really think helping your dad research and pick up after your brothers is going to accomplish anything?" She made it sound more like a statement than a question. "Have you lost your mind, Tabitha? You have less than a year left, what about your degree? And after everything you've put up with from Larry-the-intern-hater?" Her pretty face, nearly lost in a tangle of auburn ringlets, was distorted by the confusion overtaking her expression.

I took a short breath trying to find some shred of determination in me to actually follow through with this, and finally met her eye again. The lights overhead dimmed further, signaling the time of evening for a different crowd, and she finished her coffee. I had to hurry this up or I'd never get through it.
It felt like we were breaking up.

"Look," I managed, "I'll figure out a way to graduate, you know I will. There's nothing to do in Madison but to try to find a way out of it anyway, right? It'll give me a chance to save some money and find a job." Sure, that sounded like a legitimate enough reason. I smiled, satisfied with my improvisation, and looked around for Sal to bring the bill.

"It's not because of my half of the rent is it?" She urged, "Because you know I'm more than willing to keep up –"

"No, of course that's not it." I interrupted. "And you know I'd never let you do that." Sometimes she could be so ridiculous.

"Would it have anything to do with an unexpected email you received from a certain somebody last week?" She raised an inquisitive eyebrow, dissecting the surprise in my face. "Yeah," she answered my silent question, "I knew about it."

Danni had a tendency to look for drama where there was none, and this time she couldn't be further from the mark. Justin and I broke up over a year ago. The well of chaos there completely dried.

I rolled my eyes. "No." Hopefully the disgust in my voice killed that notion. "I didn't read the email. Haven't thought of him for months. Isn't he somewhere far? Lichtenstein or something?" I finally caught Sal's eye and he gave an understanding nod.