If At First

Part 11 - Chapter 10

10

I'm in a small room. It's crowded. Very crowded, and filled with everyone I know. But I'm trapped. I'm standing inside a glass box in the middle of the room and I'm screaming as loud as I can, but there's no sound. Sand starts filling up around me and I panic. I shout over and over at the top of my lungs for someone to help me. To break the glass. Outside, I could see everyone perfectly. Friends, family, neighbors, teachers, movie ticket sellers... all of them drifting past, smiling as if nothing was happening. No one could see I needed help. The sand rose impossibly fast. I kicked and pounded against the glass, and the sand grew higher and higher. I try standing on top of it but I keep sinking through. I know I'm going under any second. I'm going to suffocate in front of everyone. I take one last breath, and just as I do, Haven is running toward me wielding an axe. He swings forcefully and at the moment the blade strikes the surface, I jerk awake in a cold sweat and gasping for air.

Clearly, my subconscious is not in agreement with my recent life choices. I lay still in my bed, and aside from the rapidly expanding and contracting of my chest to catch my breath, nothing moved. I looked over at the clock. Four a.m. I fell back on my pillow and stared out the open doors that led to the small balcony off my bedroom. A warm breeze was coming through, but it felt cold against my skin, now damp with perspiration. The only sound was that of a lonely cricket chirping somewhere nearby.

I buried myself inside the blankets and pillows conjuring pleasant thoughts for the next round of sleep when the silence was pierced by my phone. It had been dead for so long I wasn't used to hearing it –particularly in the middle of the night- , and I nearly jumped to my feet, adrenaline pulsing through my body faster than I thought possible. I reached for it, trying to calm my heart.

"Andy!?" I answered, the sound of my voice groggy even to my own ears.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked.

"It's four o'clock, what's wrong?"

"I can't believe you actually answered, I've called and emailed like a thousand times."

Email, right, that's what I went to the coffee shop for yesterday.

I suddenly felt guilty for not making more of an effort, knowing my phone had been dead for a few days. I told myself it didn't matter that I missed some calls since most of them were from new "friends" who had tracked down the number. I wondered how many times Andy was among the many voicemails I ignored and deleted. It never entered my head that someone might actually need me.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to pack my charger and Nana doesn't have a computer so I haven't checked my email. Everyone okay?"

"Everybody's fine. I couldn't sleep – sorry for calling so late...er, early"

"Okay, fine, I wasn't exactly asleep. What's the problem?"

"So here's the thing:" He breathed, "I think I'm in love."

"That's the emergency you're calling about in the middle of the night?"

"Tab. Did you hear what I just said? I – Am – In – Love."

"Love." I repeated as the words became clear. "You're not in love." It was certainly a bizarre thing to hear him say. Andy had always been a sports-and-cards kind of guy. He dated, but never took anyone seriously. Girls were merely a pastime.

"I'm serious, Tab. She's perfect." He sighed, "Actually, she said she knows you. We met at that Laundromat over on Briarwood because our dryer is on the fritz, so I took a load over, and she was there because she's staying with her aunt and uncle, and we began talking about fabric softener."