𝚂𝙾𝙻𝙴𝙸𝙻 𝙲𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽
❥❥❥
June 22nd
If it wasn't obvious...Judah and I clearly had something more than just sex going on between us.
That day...in the shower...it was so intense and so different from any other encounter we had shared before.
And I'm pretty sure we both realized it. After we actually used the shower for what it was intended, we rejoined everyone downstairs. Separately of course...he went first, I went last.
Everyone had piled into the livingroom to watch a movie and we joined them on the couch. The only space open being the end of the loveseat. So we sat beside each other awkwardly.
I grew cold and Simone offered me a blanket, which I shared with Judah. And there was none of the playfulness. In a situation like that, you'd think his hands would be roaming in secret.
But he kept them folded in his lap the entire time.
At one moment, his knee brushed against mine and he snapped his head my direction. Swallowing down hard and exhaling through his nostrils as he stared at me.
I wanted to kiss him. I just wanted to kiss him. But instead, I turned my eyes from him.
I didn't understand what the hell happened. We agreed, we agreed on everything. For this to be casual, that we wouldn't be having unprotected sex. So much for that shit.
That we wouldn't give PDA, failed at that.
We wouldn't catch feelings. Blew up in our damn face.
At the very least I thought it would be just one of us...that's why I brought up the rule. To protect myself.
I thought if anyone would catch feelings, it was me...me with my virginity and no experience at all, I expected myself to become emotionally attached and I wanted him to rip the band-aid off if it came to that. Remind me that this was never going to be anything more than just sex.
Not...give me passionate sex in the shower while he told be practically all the things he adores about me.
God, I'm having flashbacks.
It had been about 2 weeks since I saw Judah. He wasn't avoiding me, at least I don't think he was. And I wasn't avoiding him either. We texted and we spoke on the phone.
I just think neither of us wanted to make the effort to stand face to face. Because we knew what that meant.
That this would be over.
And that was just too scary to deal with.
Hearing my doorbell, I got up from the couch and shuffled my feet toward the foyer. I didn't expect anyone to be coming over, but assumed it was Simone.
I checked the ring camera and my stomach dropped when I saw it was Judah.
I panicked and started messing with my hair, making sure I didn't look a mess. Then I paused....if that's not evidence of me being infatuated with that man then I don't know what is.
