I See you, Y/N. (Emily Prentiss X Reader)

-40- Pancakes and Flowers

TW: negative thoughts
self-doubt, thoughts about Selfharm
panic, fear

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Y/N's POV

"Ready, my love? " Emily asks calmy.
"Ready." I say and take a deep breath before I pick up the piece of paper and type the number into my cell phone.
I check three times to make sure I've entered everything correctly, then I press call and hold the phone to my ear.

Everything inside me is screaming and fighting and my heart is beating so loudly that I probably won't be able to understand anything if someone answers right away.

I'm afraid I'm calling at the wrong moment. She'll be annoyed or think I'm stupid.
Maybe I'm blocking the line for someone who really needs help.

I start to breathe more shallowly and want to hang up again when I feel Emily's hand on my forearm.
She squeezes very gently so that the pressure is noticeable but doesn't hurt me.
I look down at her fingers, which are gently stroking the sores under my shirt, and a calm feeling spreads through me.

How does she always know exactly what will help me?

"Dr. Graham."

a friendly voice answers on the other end.

"Um, this is Y/N... Y/L/N."
I stutter and for a moment I don't know what I wanted to say.

"Hello Miss Y/L/N. You're calling about an appointment, am I right?"

She sounds happy and relaxed, not at all as if I'm disturbing or holding her back.

"Yes, right... Do you have something free for me?"

I press my lips tightly together and start tapping my foot while Emily continues to hold my forearm and scratches my back with her other hand.

I give her a grateful look while I try not to cry.

All of this is pretty overwhelming and I feel that the emotions are bubbling inside me and making it difficult to concentrate.

" How about Thursday at 2pm?
That would give us time to get to know each other in a relaxed way.
And if we both think that it works,we'll make a regular appointment.
Does that sound good to you?"

"Yes, Thursday works. That sounds great. Thank you."

Thursday. That's in two days.
That's really soon.
Oh God.

"Wonderful. I've made a note of that and I'm looking forward to meeting you."

We say goodbye and I hang up.
My stomach turns and for a moment I think I'm about to faint.
I hear a rushing in my ears and everything inside me feels wrong and too much.

I want to get up and run away, I want to hide, I want to hurt myself, I have to...

Instead I look at Emily and she immediately recognizes it in my face.

"Buttercup." I whisper very quietly and the tears start to flow.
Emily spreads her arms and I fall into her warm embrace.
Sobs shake my whole body and I pull my legs up, making myself small.
Emily grabs the back of my knee and pulls my legs up so that I am now sitting crouched on her lap, my legs over her leg and I bury my head in the crook of her neck while I cry like a child.