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she knows it-maggie lindemann 'in denial, everybody sees it, but you'
nessa hadn't properly talked to lynn in over a week. she tried to ask her what was wrong over text since she would disappear whenever she saw her in person, but she left her on read. she assumed that just as she predicted, she didn't want anything to to with her and would just stop talking to her after the english project.
even tho her interest in finding out why lynn ghosted her died, her feelings for the girl didn't. every time she saw her in the hall, her heart would drop. it felt like someone stabbed her in the heart everytime she saw her with ben. she was sure they were together, judged by the way he would kiss her everytime he left and his arm that constantly was placed around her shoulder or by her waist. it was unfair that he got to call her his, when he clearly didn't get her like nessa did.
she refused to belive that lynn volunterly skipped practise to be with him. she never missed out on practice—not even if she was sick—so let alone would she do it for a person, no matter how close they were. her face always looked focused and her body tense whenever he was around. she didn't seem like the same lynn nessa was hanging out with less than 2 weeks ago.
for lynn, much of what nessa had observed was correct. she was always watching her every move to make sure she didn't say or do anything he might find stupid. the spark she had in her eyes when she looked at vanessa wasn't there when she looked at ben. she didn't feel like herself anymore, like she had to put on an act everywhere she went, even around her friends. oh and you can only imagine what luna said when she found out.
"soo hows vanessa? you should invite her over for dinner again" she smiled, looking at her reflection in the mirror. "we don't talk that much anymore" lynn put her toothbrush back into the cup on the sink, avoiding eye contact with her sister. "what, why?" she questioned. "i don't know" lynn replied, but she knew exactly why. and the guilt knowing she was the reason grew everyday.
"you could still invite her over, i think she may be into you" she said half spilling her secret, but wasn't having it. "will you stop it! i have a boyfriend!" she snapped, immediately regretting admitting that to her sister. luna's jaw dropped slightly as she watched lynn storm out of the bathroom and into her bedroom.
lynn hated the pda and showing that she actually had a soft side, even worse when she had to pretend that she actually wanted him to see it. she played along at first, pretending to be head over heels for him, but eventually everything he did started to piss her off. her patience was running out, because why wouldn't her feelings for nessa die down? and on top of that, she couldn't even tell anyone because then they'd most likely call her a horrible person for going out with a person she didn't find slightly attractive. he was just an average looking guy who blended in perfectly with the rest of the guys at their school.
well there was one person she could talk to...
lynn opened her sisters door, not bothering to knock. luna looked up from her songbook and up at the girl who barged into her bedroom. "hey sis, what's up?" she said softly, noticing she seemed upset. lynn took a breath, unsure of what to say. luna sat up and patted the seat next to her on the bed. "you can tell me anything, i won't judge"
lynn couldn't help but scoff at that. "really? it's pretty messed up" she fiddeled with her fingers. she hated talking about her feelings.
"well, that's up to me to decide. i'm sure it can't be that bad" lynn quickly formed some sentences in her head of what she was going to say in her head before she spoke up. "you know ben?" luna raised an eyebrow. showing her she did in fact not know who ben was. "my boyfriend..." lynn muttered. "i don't really like him. i never did, but when he told me he liked me i just told him i liked him too even tho i knew i didn't. and now i have to pretend i like him having his arm around me all the time or watching him and his disgusting friends at practise after school."
the words she'd been thinking the past week easily fell off her tounge. luna sat a few seconds taking in everything her sister had just told her. "if you knew you didn't like him, why say you did?" there it was. the question that would make her admit she liked nessa.
she sighed and looked back down at her shoes. "because i like nessa.." she could barley hear herself, but luna seemed to hear her just fine. "i didn't want to and i thought that if i got with him i would get over her, but it only made me realize how much i wanted it to be her" her voice was still low and her cheeks a light shade of pink. "i don't understand? what's wrong with nessa?" luna asked, not quite understanding what she meant by that. "it's not nessa, she's amazing. but it's just... shes a girl" lynn's voice wasn't tough and confident like it used to be. she sounded more insecure and hesitant.
"i know it's ok to like girls, but it just doesn't feel right" luna looked at her younger sibling with a knowing look. "i felt like that too, you know. but now imagine yourself in about 10 years. would you rather wake up with someone like ben or someone like nessa?" lynn didn't even need to think about it for a second . the answer was clear. she didn't want someone like nessa. she wanted nessa.
luna seemed to know the answer to the question and spoke again before lynn could. "first you have to break up with that boyfriend of yours, then i'll show you how to get the girl" she winked at her younger sister. "she probably hates me, i'm the last person she wants to talk to" lynn sighed. "and we will deal with that later" lynn stood up, about to walk out, but luna's voice made her turn around. "i'm proud of you" she smiled warmly.
lynn had told ben to meet her by the soccerfield at school. her leg was bouncing as she was prepearing what to say. how exactly do you tell someone you want to break up with them because you never liked them and just used them as a distraction from the fact that you were in love with your best friend? her heartbeat sped up as she saw him walk up to her.
he leaned in for a kiss, but lynn pushed him away. "hey, what's wrong?" he had a look of confusion on his face. lynn tried not making eye contact with him as she spoke. "it's just- i don't think i can do this" she tried explaining, but he lost it. "what do you mean?"
lynn bit her lip before repeating herself. "i don't think i can do this"
"i've done nothing but be good to you and your just going to dump me like that?!" his voice rose, but lynn only stared at him blankly, not really knowing what to say. he shook his head and chuckled. "wow. should've listened to my teammates. you really are just a self-absorbed, ungreatful brat" he said before walking away. she did feel a little guilty for just dropping him like that, but it wasn't fair to use him either. her shoulders on the other hand felt much lighter, like when you finally can put your backpack down after a long day.
