It's Nice To Have A Friend

46 - Wanna Spill My Guts Out

As usual, Mallory and James were the last ones awake in the Common Room. Peter had fallen asleep as a rat on an armchair and Remus had stretched across a couch. "How are you holding up with the Lily stuff?" Mallory asked James as they sat in front of the fireplace.

"Better than I expected," James softly admitted to her.

"That's good."

"And you?" James queried.

"Hm?" Mallory hummed, looking over at James who was already looking at her.

"How are you holding up with Sirius and his girlfriend?" James further questioned.

Mallory stayed silent for a moment, trying to process her feelings and convert them into words. James gently slipped his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together. Mallory froze, her gaze on their hand as James squeezed her hand softly. Alarms went off in her head as her gaze lifted back up to James who was smiling at her.

"I'm fine," Mallory stated simply.

"Good. You deserve someone who sees your worth."

Mallory nodded awkwardly, turning away from James to face the fireplace. She let her hand stay in his for comfort, so she knew he was right there. But then, from the corner of her eye, she could see him leaning into her. It all happened so fast. One second, Mallory was staring at the fireplace, and the next she was completely frozen as James turned her head and kissed her.

She didn't want this. She didn't want this. She wanted to pull away, but the fear of losing James as a friend crossed her mind. She wasn't going to kiss him back.

Mallory heard the portrait hole open. She leaned back from James, but his lips stayed glued to hers. "Hey, Prongs, I-" Mallory heard Sirius say as she rose her hands to James's chest and gently pushed him away. Hurt flashed across James's face. Mallory subtly wiped her mouth, keeping her gaze away from Sirius. "I did it, Prongs," Sirius muttered before he walked off.

"Oh shit," James immediately said. "What have I done?" He got up and started pacing frantically, chewing on his fingernails. A door slammed up the boys' dormitory stairs.

"Mal, I am so sorry," James told her. He sat back down in front of her. "I told Sirius that you fancied him because he fancies you and Wendy told him she loved him yesterday. He just broke up with her."

"Sirius fancies me?" Mallory questioned.

"Yes, Mal, it's painfully obvious," James told her. He watched Mallory for a moment as she had fallen silent. Sirius fancied her? This wasn't coming from Marlene or her sisters who would have no idea who Sirius fancied. It was coming from his brother, James. The boy he told everything to.

"There's only one thing to fix it," James stated. "You need to talk to him about it all. How you're feeling, how he's-"

Mallory didn't need to hear the rest of his proposal. "Absolutely not," she interrupted.

"Mal, it's the only way!" James protested.

"What if he turns me down?"

"He won't! He's in love with you, Mal!"

"But he could."

"But he won't."

"But he could."

"But he won't."

"But he could."

"But he won't."

"But he could, and that is too risky," Mallory told James, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"You can't hide from him," James tried to reason with her, but there was one thing that Mallory absolutely refused to do, and that was talking to a boy about her feelings first. Ever since Donny, she had kept herself closed off unless they came to her as Freddy had.

"Why can't I?"

"Mal, this is so lame. You have to trust me."

"James, I can't..." Mallory mumbled as she stood up and walked up to her dormitory, her mind racing.

James had kissed her.

James told Mallory that Sirius fancied her.

James tried to get Mallory and Sirius together.

Her emotions from the past day caught up to her. From Sirius not going to the sleepover, to Remus teasing Sirius about his girlfriend, James kissing Mallory, Sirius seeing James kissing Mallory, and finally, her being too afraid to talk with Sirius possibly missing her opportunity to become more than friends with him.

"Mal?" Marlene questioned. "Isn't it sleepover night?"

"Yeah," Mallory weakly said, realizing she had been caught as she wiped tears away.

"What happened?" Marlene sat beside Mallory on her bed with her arm wrapped around Lily who had also been crying.

"James kissed me and as he was kissing me, Sirius walked in and saw James kissing me," Mallory mumbled. "And then—"

"James kissed you?" Lily asked. Mallory looked over at her, nodding slightly as Lily scoffed.

"So Sirius walked in while you and James kissed?" Marlene asked.

"I didn't kiss James back," Mallory corrected.

"Why wouldn't you—" Lily started, but she stopped suddenly. "See? This is what I mean, Marlene. He practically proclaims his love to me and on the same day he kisses Mallory!" Lily complained.

"Lily, let me help Mallory for a moment," Marlene quickly said to Lily. Lily didn't acknowledge that Marlene had said anything as she got up from Mallory's bed and walked over to her own, closing the curtains.

"Tough day," Marlene muttered.

"I heard," Mallory replied. "I'm okay. You can continue to calm down Lily or something."

Marlene shook her head at Mallory's proposal. "What happened?" Marlene asked. Mallory sighed softly. She felt guilty that Marlene was talking with her and not Lily when Lily probably needed more of Marlene's help than Mallory did. But it was nice to be able to recount the events to someone, telling Marlene everything that had happened.

"Mal, you need to tell Sirius how you feel about him," Marlene told Mallory who immediately shook her head. "You need to be able to handle rejection. Start here."

"I can't, Marlene. I spent hours crying over somebody I knew nothing about. Imagine what would happen with Sirius," Mallory argued.

"You know Sirius, Mal. You know that he won't reject you," Marlene pointed out. There was no way that Marlene could know what Sirius would or wouldn't do. He was unpredictable. Mallory shook her head one last time and told Marlene to get some sleep.