Not That Bad #Wattys2018

Chapter Fifteen

You know how people talk about seeing red? Well I see black. Black like my car or the sky in December or a raven's wing.

Fuck no, it wasn't envy.

It was indifference, I think, and it made me feel crazy and angry and rebellious all at once.

The hallways are always empty during first period so I sneak out of the school and into parking lot. I don't care that my stereo is really loud when I put the key in the ignition. I do circles in the parking lot to Bad Girls by M.I.A until I've raised dust and I've got Mr Terv running out of the school and people almost falling out of the classroom window to look at me.

I don't care about the look Eli gives me. A sorry look, knowing it was all his fault, but not really. In fact, when our eyes finally meet, that's when I drive off. I don't look back.

I drive around a strange neighborhood for two hours straight until I see some guys practicing in a garage. I slow down and stick my head out of the window to look at them. They pretend like they don't see me at first, but I know they do. The guitarist even makes a big show of getting down on his knees and play his guitar over his head like those hard core band members I've only ever seen on TV.

I hoot and cheer really loud when they're done because I've suddenly got an idea.

"Hey." I say, when the guitarist walks over to my car just like I knew he would. He's got brown eyes and dark hair and six visible tattoos. "You guys are really cool."

"Yeah?" The guy gives a shrug and an easy smile, "My name's Ben.You should come see us practice tomorrow too."

"I might." I say, then, "Ben, do you guys have a lot of fans?" When he hesitates I say, "Because I know this place that'll definitely get you noticed."

***

I got detention after that. But maybe it was kind of worth it when I remember the looks on everyone's faces when I came back to school with a cool band behind me, playing music that should be censored. And, detention doesn't even affect me anymore. It's like a part of my life. I go to school, be bad (be myself), get detention, go home. REPEAT.

So, anyway, it's late when I get home. I change, eat and then I wait for Eli to show up. I want to be mean to him again like on that first day. But he doesn't show. I start reading my textbook but I can't even focus.

***It's my ring tone that wakes me up. I'm half on the couch, half off and my textbook is on the other side of the room I don't know why or how.

"Hello?" I say, my voice sleepy.

"Before you get mad, don't get mad Rori, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for not showing."

It's Eli and suddenly I'm wide awake. "Too late. I'm mad." I say. But I'm not. I rub my neck. "And your excuse already sucks."

I hear Eli sigh. "OK, fine." he says, "My excuse sucks. I kind of volunteered to take boxes of decorations to Town Hall for my mom because I didn't really want to see you after, you know..."

"No Eli." I say, "I don't know. What?"

Say it Eli. Say you don't want to see me because Imogen told you that you had to choose between her and me and you really really really couldn't live without her long unflattering skirt and thigh high socks.

"After that look you gave me today. It kind of hurt." Eli gives a short, weird laugh, "Never mind." he says, "So. Do you want to come to the Blood Ball?"

I have to catch my breath. It hurt him? What does it mean if it hurt him?

I clear my throat. "The what?" I say. I move the phone to my other ear."That's sounds so stupid and morbid."

"It was my mom's idea." Eli says. (I've insulted his mom again.) "It's just this event where we acknowledge all the blood donors in the country. It's formal but not really. I thought maybe you'd want to go."

I move the phone back to my left ear and lie on my back on the couch. "Why would you think that?" I say, but I'm already imagining what I'm going to wear.

OK. I admit it. I like Eli. I can't get his stupid face and stupid voice out of my stupid head. He's haunting me, Eli, I swear.

I can imagine Eli shrugging. "I don't know. Just come. It's on Wednesday, a school night, but tell your parents it doesn't end late."

"I'll think about it." I say and hang up. But I've already decided to go. Since when does a school night stop me from doing anything?