Not That Bad #Wattys2018

Chapter Nineteen

I'm already outside. It's weird how I suddenly feel so cold. On the inside and out. My heart slowly becoming icy and numb and hard. I'm fumbling for my keys when I hear Eli's voice.

"Rori!" he shouts, "Stop!"

I'm frantic now. I really don't want to see him, or his face, or his blue blue eyes. I don't want him to ask me what's wrong, to look at me with pity or feel smug because I like him. I want to get away, fast. 

But I can't find my keys. Why can't I find my damn keys?!

I feel Eli put his hand on my shoulder. I want to pull away, or snap at him or something, but I can't. It's like he's got some kind of power over me and I'm helpless. I don't move. I can't.

"I saw you standing there, Rori, you look amazing. Perfect." Eli's voice is low.

I feel the whole zoo in my stomach, my head feels light. I stand there and look at the ground, at the way the light from street lamp cast everything with an orange glow. It's then that I'm hit with a thought that I love Eli. Like real love. I've never felt it before, that feeling, the sudden realization that I love anyone. Eli. I look up at him and I realize that all I want to do is kiss him. I don't care about Imogen now. I want to touch him and be so close to him that I can count his long, long lashes. I want him to hug me until the only thing I can smell is the smell of Eli, like that musky cologne he used that second time he came over and I was really mean to him.

When did I become so mushy?

"Why are you leaving?" he says.

"Why did you ask me to come if you were going to bring your stupid girlfriend?" I barely whisper. I hate that I sound like a sulky little girl. I pull out the stupid sparkly pins from my hair. I don't know why I put it in the first place. It wasn't me. It isn't me. I was changing because of a boy. And I promised myself I'd never do that.

Ever.

"What? Imogen's only here because her granddad gives a lot of blood. I didn't ask her to come." Eli pries the clips from my hand and puts it back in my hair. Then he looks me right in the eyes. I'm hypnotized. Stunned. Paralyzed. At first I think it's just his eyes, but then, it's the words coming from his mouth. From those soft, pink lips. "Imogen and I broke up, Rori. It's you I want. I want you to stay."

I kiss him.

What else could I do?

***My face hurts because I can't stop smiling. When Eli leads me back into the hall I finally understand how Mrs Graham could smile all the time like that. When something or someone makes you happy, you can't stop thinking about it, I guess, and you can't help but smile.

I don't hear any of the speeches after that. I keep stealing glance at Eli, at his neck, and his lips. I find myself smiling when he grins and clapping when he claps even though I have no idea what's going on.

It's so messed up, how I despised him once and now I can't get enough of him. He's changed me, I can't deny it anymore.

***

Eli and I are kissing in the parking lot afterward and he's got one hand on my waist and the other, with his fingers laced with mine. It's weird that the little things Eli does make me feel a truck load of emotions. The way his fingers feel on my waist sends tingles all over my body.

I pull away suddenly but then Eli pulls me in again and slips his tongue into my mouth. After, like, ten minutes, I pull away and say I need to go to the bathroom.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" he asks.

I say, "No. Go home, Eli. It's a school night, remember?"

Eli shakes his head and laughs.

Back inside Town Hall, there's hardly anyone around. The tables have been cleared, chairs stacked and red tablecloths folded. I walk quickly to the bathroom. I just need to look at my face again to see if I'm the same Rori I was before.

You know what I mean.

So, I'm looking at my face and my lips that Eli just kissed, when out walks Imogen from a bathroom stall. I try not to scowl or anything, to be nice, but I'll have to admit that it's crazy hard. I'm thinking, damn, how does Eli do it? Well, how did he do it.

My heart tugs at that thought. Did.

I decide it's probably best to stay silent than to have something bad slip out. Apparently, this was harder for Imogen than for me.

"OK Rori. I know you have something to say. Spit it out." Imogen folds her arms across her chest and stares me down. I shrug and pull out my black cherry lipstick from my bag.

"Nope." I say, "Nothing."

A choked gasp from Imogen. "Nothing?" she repeats, getting closer, "Nothing? Well Rori, I have A LOT to say. Don't feel all haughty just because you're with Eli now. OK? Just don't. Jaq is actually a better kisser."

She says the last part like it was supposed to hurt me or something. But I feel nothing.

"Not true." I say, "You're forgetting that I was with Jaq once."

Imogen scoffs. "I can't forget that, Rori. You're all over his phone."

It's like I've been stabbed. I try to keep a straight face but I've faltered. I have this sinking feeling Imogen's seen something she wasn't supposed to, that Jaq never really hit delete. A devious smile plays on Imogen's lips.

"I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you, Rori." she says, feeding on my dread, " You just put your 'F' self in and ruined everything. You won't get away with stealing Eli from me. I'm going to ruin you and ruin your life and then Eli will come crawling back to me, where he's supposed to be."

How can she want Jaq AND Eli?

I don't have anything to say. I feel my heart banging against my rib cage, it hurts, and fear creeping up my back. I shudder. It's scary, how someone could look so innocent and be so evil. So two faced.

"You're sick." I finally spit out.

"I know." she says as she walks out of the bathroom, "And I'm really, really,bad."

Her words are a faint echo in my head.