Not That Bad #Wattys2018

Chapter Twenty Six

People pour into the classroom to watch the fight. Someone takes a video. I scream for Eli to stop but he won't. Levi kicks him in the stomach. Eli groans and I scream again.

"Shut up Rori." someone tells me, "You've drawn enough attention to yourself already." I know the voice. I turn and make a fist but a hand grabs me by the elbow and stops me from ruining Imogen's perfect little face. It's Mr. Terv.

"Office. Now." he says and then he pulls Eli and Levi apart. He holds them by their arms and turns to the crowd. "I'm giving everyone ten seconds to get to class. "Ten." he says, "Two."

People flee. 

Mr Terv tells Chase and Skylar that they're not involved and insist that they get back to class even though Chase kicks a desk over to make a point. I'm kind of impressed at how Skylar is actually reluctant to leave. She gives me a small smile and then makes a disgusted face at Imogen. I almost laugh.

Almost.

We walk down the hallway and to the office like thugs. One bloody nosed boy, a boy with a shit load of scratches on his face, a female devil dressed like a saint and a girl with red eyes and runny mascara and her boobs on glossy paper all over school.

***

It's impossible to forget the way it felt when my fist hit the glass of the bog window in Mr Terv's office.It wasn't just a sting of pain. It was also numbness, in my chest, because even when I looked at the shards of glass on the floor I didn't regret it. I felt nothing. The consequences didn't bother me.

But now, I feel guilty. Guilt that I should have felt before, when I smashed the window, when I sent those photos to Jaq, when I did every bad thing I ever did. Waves of guilt wash over me and toss me about in an ocean of regret. I'm drowning. 

The worst thing about guilt is that it's self inflicted. No one can make you feel guilty. No one can make you feel anything. It's you. It's always only you.

Mr Terv removes his glasses and frowns at us. "One year left guys. Just one year left at school and this is how you choose to spend it. This is the image you want to create of yourselves. This is the memory you want to leave with the school."

The words are just for me. Drowning. In. Guilt.

"In fact." Mr Terv raises his voice, "Forget about the damn school." Sometimes, Mr Terv says damn when he's angry. He always looks like he wants to say something else. Something worse. "Is this what you want to remember about you? Really?"

I take a deep breath. No. No. No.

He shakes his head hard at me, then turns to Imogen. "Ms George, we need to have a very long and serious talk. Wait for me outside my office. Levi, you too." Levi sticks his hands in his pockets and rolls his eyes. Imogen is surprisingly quiet. I don't know what to make of it.

When the door closes behind them Mr Terv's face relaxes. "Mr. Graham, I am extremely disappointed. I'm going to have to suspend you." Eli hangs his head. I feel worse. This wasn't who Eli was. He wasn't bad.

I'm bad. At least, I was. 

Mr Terv fold his arms and stares at me. I wait for it. The death sentence. "And you, Rori, you're suspended." he says simply. I don't think I heard right.

"I thought you were going to expel me." I say quietly. That was what he'd said right? It didn't matter who my parents were or how much money they had. This was it. I had officially ruined my own life.

"No. Apart from the fact that you're exposed all over school, which is embarrassing, you didn't actually do anything wrong." Mr Terv says, "Unless, of course, you want to be expelled." He makes a point of pausing and looking me in the eyes. "You passed your finals, so there's no need to expel you."

Wait. What?

I feel my heart beat faster. I passed. Good Lord, I passed!

"I knew you could do it." Eli squeezes my shoulder. I beam at Eli and mouth "Thanks." He smiles.

I can't even stop myself from awkwardly hugging Mr Terv over his desk. He doesn't hug me back. I don't care. I'm just stoked that I'm not going to be a bum forever.

"Yeah. Hooray." Mr Terv says dryly, but he's smiling. "Now go home Villan. Before I make your suspension shorter." He laughs, like it's funny.