The past is waiting for us - Tom Riddle

Involuntary suicide

Hardly getting air, I sprint down the stairs.
A thousand thoughts swirl through my head ;
What if someone saw me go up there, with him?
What if someone finds him, laying there, alone?
What if Riddle tells someone and I get send to Azkaban?
After all it's an unforgivable curse... What have I done ?
I bet I can't even shower there! And what about the beds in Azkaban? They are probably uncomfortable as hell- Okay calm down, Alina.

No one saw Riddle and me going up the astronomy tower, even if they did, it wouldn't be that suspicious. Maybe we just wanted to talk.
But what if someone heard him scream?
No, the astronomy tower has a charm on it, you can't even hear in the staircase, that someone is talking up there.
In my timeline, Dumbledore wants to take the charm off, for safety.
But in this timeline it still exists, thankfully.

So I'm fine.
Riddle, hopefully won't snitch. And if he does, I'll say he hurt his head,
so he doesn't really knows what's going on. 
He'll kill me for sure.
But honestly, I don't care anymore.
Fuck this stupid mission, fuck Dumbledore, fuck Potter.
Nah, I'm out.

I walk into Dumbledores office and don't even knock.

"I'm out." I say as in open the door.

The wizard sits on his chair behind his desk.

"Excuse me Miss Malfoy?"

"I said I'm out." I mumble shaking my head.

"Sit down, Miss Malfoy"

"I don't want to. I'm out. I'll find Lara and we'll go back.
You can solve your own little problems without the need of two sixteen year olds."

"Miss Malfoy, I'm afraid, it isn't that simple. This charm only works if you accomplished the mission you were send to do-"

"Fuck you-" shit why did I say this?

No, you know what: It's god damn right. When I come back, I'll kill Dumbledore with my bare hands.

"Excuse me? Miss Malfoy, it was the old, well, the future me, that gave you this mission. I only inform you about the rules of time travel. There's another rule that was in the envelope my older self didn't told you about, because Miss, if you knew, you wouldn't agree.-"

"What is it?" I say tense.

"You can't kill Riddle, it would ruin the timelines."

Well great, that I didn't kill him on the astronomy tower 5 minutes ago.

"I understand. I'm stuck here now. I'm fucked. Thank you, Professor. Bye" I burst out crying as I close the door.

What have I done? I know for sure, the next few days Riddle himself or his stupid friends, maybe even my grandpa, will kill me. And I have no way out.
I'm fucked. A tear rolls down my left cheek, then my right.
I slowly sink to the floor.
"Alina, I searched for you everywhere. You just disappeared out of the library with this asshole. What happened?" It's Lara.
How will I tell her that we're fucked and I practically just committed suicide, because probably  a whole friend group wants to kill me by tomorrow.
"No." I whisper crying with a raspy voice.
"Come on. Everything can be fixed. Come, we'll go to my dorm, all right?"
She lifts me up and hugs me. Lara is the best, I love her.
And all I do, is disappoint her.
She's the better one of us. She's nicer, she doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't curse that much. She's also a people pleaser, that's her worst trait, but that's not even bad?
She's like, the perfect human?....
And I'm a piece of shit when it comes to people.
What a funny thing, my second day here and I almost killed Voldemort and used an unforgivable curse. But I still feel bad.
I'm in my thoughts and already stopped crying, as this numbness spreads through my body.
Or is it fear? I thought I'm not scared to die, I thought I even wanted to die, but now I think I am. I'm scared, I'm scared to die, I always wanted a family, a loving husband and happy little kids.
I will die, and my brother won't even know how.
I just disappeared from his life, maybe forever.
I have hope, but it's as big as a grain of sand.

I need some firewhiskey.