cw: negative thinking, depression, mental illness
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Jake has noticed that Johnnie has been acting more differently recently. More sad and depressed. Johnnie has been avoiding Jake on purpose.
Tonight Jake wanted to confront Johnnie about it and see what was going on. He began to walk up the staircase. "Johnnie?" He called out.
Johnnie was in his room, sitting on his bed. He heard Jake call out his name and he sighed, knowing that Jake wanted to talk to him. He reluctantly got up and opened the door."Yeah?"
"Hi," Jake said softly at the doorway. "Can we talk, Can i come in?" He asked sweetly.
Johnnie nodded slowly and stepped aside, allowing Jake to come into his room. He closed the door behind him and sat back down on his bed, fidgeting with his hands.
"What's up?" He asked, trying to sound casual.
Jake sat down on the bed next to him. "Are you feeling okay?" He asked as his brown eyes locked with Johnnie's.
Johnnie looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact with Jake. He fidgeted with his fingers, clearly uncomfortable.
"I'm fine, why do you ask?" Johnnie replied, his voice betraying his words. It was obvious that something was bothering him.
Placing his hand on top of Johnnie's, - Jake shakes his head in disagreement. "Johnnie, i don't think so. You don't have to lie to me."
Johnnie flinched slightly at the touch of Jake's hand, but he didn't pull away. He took a deep breath and finally looked up at Jake, his eyes betraying his sadness.
"I...I don't know what's wrong with me Jake," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper "I just feel so...empty lately."
Jake rubbed Johnnie's hand before he wrapped his arm around him. "Oh, Johnnie.. why haven't you told me?"
Johnnie leaned into Jake's embrace, feeling comforted by the touch. He rested his head on Jake's shoulder and let out a shaky sigh.
"I didn't want to worry you," he said quietly. "I thought I could handle it on my own."
Jake rested his head on top of Johnnie's. "Hey, sometimes - we just can't do it by ourselves. And we need help from someone."
Johnnie nodded, his eyes welling up with tears. He had been trying to be strong and handle his feelings alone, but he realized now that he needed someone to lean on.
"I know," he said, his voice cracking slightly."I just feel so lost and confused. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Jake lifted his head and then held onto Johnnie's hands. "Hey, hey. There's nothing wrong about you. You're not a bother for needing me to help you."
Johnnie looked up at Jake, tears streaming down his face. He felt a mixture of relief and guilt wash over him.
Relief that he finally had someone to talk to, and guilt for not confiding in Jake sooner.
"Thank you Jake," he whispered, his voice shaky. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I didn't want to burden you."
"Hey, hey, shh." Jake placed a finger on Johnnie's lips. "Don't call yourself that, you're not a burden. Okay?" As he moved his hand back.
He saw the tears and felt a twinge of jealousy, but he pushed those feelings aside to focus on cheering Johnnie up.
Johnnie nodded, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. He appreciated Jake's words and felt a sense of gratitude for having such a caring friend.
"Okay," he said softly, taking a deep breath to compose himself. "I just feel so lost, like I don't know what's going on with me. I've been feeling so sad and empty lately, and I don't know why."
Jake nodded, listening. He wrapped his arm around Johnnie again and laid his head on top of his. "Sometimes we don't know why. And that's okay."
Johnnie leaned into Jake's embrace, feeling comforted by his presence. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh.
"I just feel so alone," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper."Like no one understands what I'm going through."
"I understand," Jake whispered, a small smile rising to his face.
Johnnie opened his eyes and looked up at Jake, a mixture of surprise and gratitude on his face."You do?" He asked, his voice filled with hope.
Jake nodded, locking eyes with Johnnie. "Yes, i do." He replied. "Because i felt these feelings too, for the longest time i always thought something was wrong with me."
Johnnie's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't expected Jake to relate to his feelings."Really?" He asked, his voice filled with curiosity."You felt the same way I do?"
Jake nodded, "Yes really. While you and i may have differences with the experience on why we feel like that, - we still kinda relate to each other. Mine was for a different reason, but i still felt just as lost and confused as you do now."
Johnnie listened intently, feeling a sense of understanding and connection with Jake. He had always thought that his feelings were unique and that no one else could understand what he was going through.
But hearing that Jake had experienced similar feelings made him feel less alone.
"I guess we're not so different after all," he said, a small smile on his face.
Jake returned the smile. "Yeah," As he brushed a strand of hair out of Johnnie's face. "I relate to how you're feeling, Johnnie. So i understand that it must be super tough right now, but i can assure you there is nothing wrong. It takes time to uh- like- understand ourselves better and how like- how our brains can like- change our moods and such. But these feelings are okay to feel, and - it takes time and patience. You're strong and you can fight through these feelings."
Johnnie felt a sense of comfort and reassurance wash over him as Jake spoke. He had always felt like his feelings were something to be ashamed of, but Jake's words made him feel like he was valid.
"Thank you," he said softly, his eyes shining with gratitude. "I needed to hear that. It's just so hard sometimes, feeling like I'm drowning in my own emotions."
Jake nodded. His eyes shining with care and passion for Johnnie. He lightly squeezed Johnnie's shoulder.
Johnnie felt a flutter in his chest as Jake squeezed his shoulder. He had always admired Jake's passion and care for others, and it warmed his heart to know that he was on the receiving end of it.
"I'm so glad I have you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper."I don't know what I would do without you, Jake."
Jake smiled at this. He hugged Johnnie close to him. "I'm happy to be in your life, Johnnie. I'm proud i can help you push through this and help you take care of yourself. You've done so much this year, and I'm so proud of you."
Johnnie's heart swelled with emotion as Jake hugged him tightly. He had always felt like he wasn't good enough, but hearing those words from Jake made him feel like he was worthy of being proud of.
"Thank you," he said, his voice trembling slightly. "I'm so grateful for you. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it."
"Hey." Jake locked eyes with Johnnie. "You deserve everything good. Okay? You're good enough, Johnnie. You're more than good enough."
