Resurgent

Chapter 21

I keep racing forward, plunging myself further into the dark night. I still have no destination in mind, other than just away. Away from Tobias. Away from the nightmarish people haunting me. Away from the evil my hands committed. My hands.

I feel every part of my body begging me to stop. My legs are burning and it's all I can do to take short, quick breaths. Still, I push myself to continue. The rush of the wind and the cold, fresh air keeps my mind alert, but also just numb enough to dull the pounding in my head. It's hard to distinguish whether the pounding is from my lack of oxygen or the thousands of thoughts shooting through my mind.

I turn the corner and follow the sidewalk, which is now lined with tall lights, which cast long, deep shadows. I think I liked the pure dark abyss more. To keep my mind even more occupied, I count the lamp poles as I pass them. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

After passing 27 poles, I find myself entering a dark building and climbing up a flight of stairs. When I reach the top, I allow myself to slump down on the wall across from a door. I close my eyes and focus on my heartbeat, which I can feel in my tired legs. Time passes and I finally have regained my breath. I realize now where my feet carried me. My Med Room.

I try the door and as expected, it's locked. I find a small smile slipping onto my flushed face as I remember Tobias showing me where a hidden key was. I make a mental note of the memory, considering I know it didn't happen post-memory loss. In the dark, I slide my hand along the opposing wall until I feel a small bump. My eyes have adjusted just enough for me to be able to see the hidden square panel. Lifting it off, I grab the key inside and place it back.

I slip into the room and flip on the lights. I'm not sure what time it is, so I don't know how long I have until Tobias passes the door to go to his work office. I can't let anyone see me in here, especially him.

I sit in the chair at the desk and power on the computer. I watched Caleb and Matthew use the monitors, and I know that the one on the desk has more than just my medical recordings. It has a database of almost all information. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, but I do know that I need to find a way to remember everything. Perhaps then, the nightmares will leave me. I have no intentions of seeing Tobias until I am 100% sure I will never hurt him again. The thought makes my hands tremble. I force myself to start researching.

I start with the different colored serums. Each color is intended for a different use. I keep searching for hours until I have finally gone through the whole list. There are two that I find could be useful to me, blue and red. The blue is supposed to increase memory. The red targets the amygdala and influences my emotions, particularly fear. I could give myself higher dosages of the blue memory serum each night, in hopes that I will remember everything soon. Or, tonight I could inject the fear serum and face my nightmares head on, trying to conquer them. I shake my head and take a deep breath. I'm not thinking clearly. I need to consider the effects it could have on me. And would they even work?

I convince myself to hold off on using the serums tonight. I'll return tomorrow night after I figure out a better plan. Instead, I decide to look through some more of Caleb's work. He has hundreds of files containing various pieces of information.

Exhausted, I catch myself drifting off to sleep while reading Caleb's notes on brain neurons. I squeeze my eyes for a second to try and wake up. I can't fall asleep here, Tobias will for sure see me in a few hours. Because I can barely keep my eyes open, I decide to go get some sleep. After turning off the computer, I make sure everything is exactly as it was when I first entered the room, or at least close to it. My mind is foggy and my eyes heavy. I turn off the lights, lock the door, and slip out. I decide to keep the key, incase someone ends up finding its hiding spot. I know that I will need to get back into my Med Room.

I walk out onto the streets and shield my eyes from the blinding sunrise. I look to my left, then my right, trying to decide where to go. I didn't realize that besides my Med Room, I've only stayed at Tobias and Peter's house. Neither of those seem like good options, but they're the only ones I have. There is no way I am staying at Caleb's and Christina's boyfriend is probably over at her apartment. I know Peter won't ask me questions, but I am still hesitant about going over. I am still disturbed by what he did. Still, I need to rest and stay away from Tobias. And Peter's house is big enough that I can sleep far away from him. So, I sigh and turn left.

I drag my legs up to his front door, my body aches from exhaustion. I raise my tired arm, which feels like it has twenty weights tied to it, and knock on the door. After a few minutes, Peter opens the door. He wears a plain white t-shirt and black shorts. He scratches his tousled hair as he stares blankly at me from head to toe. Just as I expect him to close the door on me, a smile slides across his lips.

"Why aren't you wearing shoes?" He asks while motioning me inside.