Resurgent

Chapter 22

 I wake up to the savory and distinct smell of eggs and bacon. I sit up from the couch I fell asleep on and see Peter standing in the kitchen, whistling while he pours some orange juice. I pat down my wild, bedhead hair and close my eyes for just a moment. No one haunted my dreams after finally crashing on Peter's couch. I must have been far too exhausted from running for them to reach me. I still feel weary, my body weighed down by my sore muscles, but I am thankful to have had a break from the nightmares.

"I hope you like eggs." Peter says as he looks over his shoulder from the kitchen. I open my eyes and smile slightly. It is nice not to be prodded with questions right away, even though I'm sure I will have to explain to him eventually why I showed up so early in the morning at his front porch. But for now, I gratefully take the plate full of food offered to me.

The plain taste of the eggs makes my heart ache. Ache with longing. But why? My eyebrows draw together as I slowly chew the eggs, trying to recall what is nagging my brain.

Then I see them.

In my mind, I see Caleb, my mother, and my father, all sitting around a plain wood table. I realize that eggs are usually an Abnegation food, plain and simple. We ate it almost every breakfast.

"You okay, Tris?" Peter asks, drawing me out of the memory.

"Yeah," I say, my voice still distant. "Yeah," I repeat, now fully paying attention. "I just had another random memory. It just seemed... more complete than the others though."

"Oh okay." He speaks with a mouthful of eggs. "So, you finally realized I'm the man for you and just couldn't wait any longer, right?"

"No." I sternly reply without hesitation. "I just needed a place to stay because...Tobias snores too loudly and I couldn't get any sleep." It's an obviously poor lie, but it's all my tired brain can think of at the moment. And I have no intention of telling Peter the real reason.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever you say." He opens his mouth to say more, but the knock at the door stops him.

After getting up and glancing through the small peephole on the door, he turns around to me, looking amused. "So you'll probably want to hide in that closet right about now."

"What? Why? Who is it?" I say, standing up.

"Tobias. And I'm just going out on a limb here, but you don't feel like seeing him at the moment, right?" He doesn't give me time to respond. "So, get in that closet and be quiet."

I don't want to hide from my problems. I should face him and explain why I left and what I plan on doing at night in my Med Room. I lift my foot, ready to walk towards the door, but stop myself when I remember last night. My hands go numb as the too-recent memory of them clamped around his neck floods my mind. I don't deserve to face him. I tried to kill him. I turn and wedge myself between the coats hanging in Peter's closet, pulling the sliding door closed just enough so that I can still see just a sliver of the front door.

"Come to apologize?" Peter nonchalantly says as he opens the door to reveal Tobias.

"No. Where is she?" Although he wears a suit, he looks disheveled. His eyes are red, probably (like mine) from lack of sleep, and his hair sticks up at various places. Even so, his eyes remain calm and steady.

"Where is who?"

"Stop pretending like you don't know what I'm talking about. Tris is here, so I would appreciate it if you just went and told her I'm here."

"Oh, you're looking for Tris?" Peter is having too much fun playing with Tobias. "Well, if you find her let me know because I'd like to see her too. It's been a while."

Tobias pushes his way in and slides past Peter, who doesn't make an effort to stop him. Why doesn't he stop him? I try to shrink back further into the wall. He is sure to see me if he crosses in front of the closet. Which, judging by the determined look on his face, he will. What will I do when he finds me? Apologize? It wouldn't be enough. Run away again? I'm too exhausted. I just have to hope he doesn't see me.

"Did you two get in some kind of dumb fight?" Peter questions as he flops down on the couch. Tobias doesn't reply, but instead keeps searching the various surrounding rooms. "What makes you think she would come over here?"

"Where else would she go?" Tobias says, staring sharply at Peter for a few seconds.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe her brother's house? Or doesn't she have a friend named Christina?"

Tobias lets out a short breath of air and shakes his head slightly. "She isn't there."

"How do you know? Did you check?"

"I don't have to check. I know she isn't there. I'm not going to explain why I know she's not, so don't even ask."

It is both frightening and fascinating how well he knows me. Considering my memory loss, he probably knows me better than I know myself right now.

I pull in a sharp breath when he glances in my direction. Why didn't I close the door all the way? He turns, and takes a step towards the closet. When he walks by it, my heart races. Our eyes connect and we are locked in each other's stare. His face is like stone, cold, hard, and expressionless. I wait, expecting him to slide open the door to reveal me. But instead, he turns and walks toward the door, his eyes full of what can only be betrayal.

"Sorry," Tobias says to Peter, "You're right. She isn't here."

"You should have just listened to me before." Peter replies, a content smile on his face. "It would have saved you a lot of time because"

Before Peter can finish, Tobias closes the door behind him.

My heart drops. He saw me. I know he did. Then why did he just leave? I sink down to the ground, still hidden behind the jackets. I should be thankful that he didn't confront me and demand that I talk about last night...right? All I feel right now is ashamed. Not only did I try to kill Tobias, I also ran and hid from him. And at Peter's house, nonetheless.

This whole time I have been trying to figure out who I am, but at least now...now I know.

I am a coward.