Descent

Chapter Nineteen

Winry was not able to concentrate on the eulogy the priest was giving. All she could do was run in her head, over and over again, what she was barely able to believe. Edward is dead. Edward is dead. Why is my Edward dead? She felt numb all over, like she'd been frozen inside a block of ice and then tossed into the depths of the ocean. She could not stop shaking, and every now and then a great sob would wrack her chest. She felt like her entire world had come crashing down, and she didn't know how to deal with it, especially not after that great miracle she had discovered shortly before being informed of his death. I can't believe he's really gone. I can't believe he'll never know, that they'll never meet. She glanced to her right and saw Alphonse almost collapse, and Mai quickly catching him in her arms and holding him. She ought not feel jealous, she should not, yet, she did, because Alphonse had someone to help him pick up the pieces broken in him by Edward's death. Winry had no one; Al was in no fit state to help himself, let alone her, and Granny had left this world already as well.

As she looked past Al, she could see Riza crying silently, Havoc gripping her hand fiercely in his, his eyes bloodshot and red, as if he had been crying too. Winry could understand why. She knew that he had been the one to pull the trigger that had ended her fiance's life, but she did not hate the man. He had not meant to to it. It had been an accident, it had never meant to happen. Although, from the medical report the doctor's had given her after his autopsy, it was obvious he would not have likely have lived much longer anyway. It had been a kindness, she told herself. Though he hadn't meant to, Havoc had saved Edward from a slower, more painful death at the worst, a coma he would never wake from at best. This was better. He had never even felt the bullet touch him. He'd been dead before he could have. At least that was something.

No, she couldn't hate Havoc for this, though she knew he hated himself for it. Who she hated was Roy Mustang. Mustang, the man she had always trusted, the man she had always counted on to keep Edward safe, had, long before the end, had been the one who had ultimately sent Edward to his deathbed. He was the one who had spent months beating Ed, threatening him with his own past in order to keep him quiet. He was the one who had forced their separation, who had forced him into his own home just to have more access. He was the one who had kidnapped Ed for the sole purpose of torturing him, he who had beaten and tortured him to the point of almost death. Winry hated the man, and she loved Riza for being the one to put a bullet through his head and end his miserable existence.

She hoped the bastard burned in Hell for what he did.

She became aware that the eulogy had finished, and she brought her eyes to the casket as they began to lower it into the ground. On top of it was the green banner of the military. Despite no longer serving it, everyone had agreed that Edward deserved the honor of being buried under it. Everyone was silent as he was covered in dirt. Everyone except young Elicia, who clung to her mother's side, bawling, as her big brother was lost to her, just as her daddy was. Hearing the child cry made Winry cry even harder herself, though no one could hear her. She imagined this would be how her own child would cry when she told him or her the story of the father they never got to meet, when they were old enough. She touched her tummy, which was not yet big enough to hint at anyone that she was carrying Edward's child. She didn't intend to tell anyone. Except Riza, who was the only one who knew. Her, and Winry's friends at Rush Valley, of course. Riza had been the only person Winry could bring herself to confide in after the news of Ed's death. She had planned to make it a big surprise for everyone, when she had been summoned back to Central a week ago. But now, nobody could ever know.

Riza only knew because she was the only one who had been in the room with Winry at the time Winry had been informed. And as she had cried, it had just...slipped out. Winry made Riza swear never to tell another soul, and she had agreed, not quite understanding why but never questioning Winry's reasons. Winry appreciated that.