The Things We Lost // l.p.

Chapter 39

I walk into the diner, my backpack slung over my shoulder filled with clothing for after work. I get off at noon and plan on going by the marina and taking pictures there. Ever since I went to the cliff with Liam I find myself enjoying more nautical themed pictures. Maybe it's the look of the soothing water or maybe even the fond memories I'm reminded of when I see it but I love them now.

I don't look at Donna, afraid of a pitiful look that I don't need. Everything is being sorted out and I need to make sure I tell her about it all. I take my bag to the locker room, getting looks from Rico as always and a provocative comment about my butt before I return to the front. I struggle to tie my apron as Donna wipes down the counter.

"How are you?" She asks still wiping in a circular motion.

"Confused. . . but okay." I tell her with a smile. "Liam and I are figuring things out." I tell her and she stops cleaning, staring at me with disbelief.

"What?" I ask worried that I've angered her.

"What do you mean you're 'figuring things out'?" She scoffs and talks with her hands.

"Vanessa and him are engaged-"

"And you're okay with knowing that you could be ending that?" She interrupts but has a good point. That hasn't occurred to me at all through this entire thing. If he leaves her it would end their engagement. I know Liam isn't happy but what if Vanessa is? Am I really willing to take someone else's happiness? Is it possible for me to be selfish enough to be okay with this?

"I hadn't thought about that. . ." I mutter. How could that have escaped my mind so easily? I know how, I was too distracted by the chance to be with him.

Since I've met him that seems to be the only thing I've wanted. Just to be with him. I wanted to be close to him; to know him. And up until a few nights ago I thought I did but in truth I really don't know anything about him. He sold drugs with his best friends. He had- has, a fiancé. What else could he have in his life that I don't know about?

"All I'm saying is don't be one of those people. What you choose to do is up to you. But since you have the choice. Make the better one not just for you, but for everyone." She finishes and disappears into the kitchen.

Deep down, I know what the better choice is. The better choice would be to forget about him and let him go. It's the better choice for everyone. Vanessa would keep her engagement, Liam's dad would get off his back since he clearly does not like me. Liam would be better off staying with someone who actually has money. It's what he has grown up with.

The problem is it's not what I want to do.

I wasn't raised to be selfish. My mother always told me the best way to show you care is to put others first. But that is all I've done my entire life. I want it to be my turn, I just wish it wouldn't be under these circumstances.

The diner bell rings and a couple walks in. I watch them as they take a seat at the bar next to each other. I smile and walk over to them, asking what they would like to drink. The woman asks for iced tea and the man asks for a coke. I rush back to the kitchen and fill two cups. When I return the two are in the middle of a heated discussion.

"I think blue would look better!" She whines and he laughs.

"No, I want yellow. Blue would blend in with the water too much." he tells her, grabbing her hand in the most endearing gesture.

"Are you decorating a room?" I ask them as I sit their drinks down in front of them.

"No. Wedding details." the woman smiles and looks to whom I'm guessing is her future husband. My heart lurches at the irony.

"Yeah, and it's painful." he says and their laughter fills the room. I can't bring myself to laugh with them. These two are engaged. Just like Liam and Vanessa.

Looking at the two of these people together it warms my heart. They are so happy together. They have an only-people-in-the-world aura to them. This could be Liam and Vanessa- it should be them. They can be happy together and deserve the chance to be happy. If I care about Liam at all then I will let him go. I need to give him this chance of happiness. I owe this to him.

There are hundreds of other people out their and I'm sure there will be more people who can make me feel the way Liam does. Even if I don't find someone, at least I can have the satisfaction of saying I let them be happy. This is how it needs to be.

Damn I hate it when Donna is right.

A/N: Super short filler chapter, so I did a double update today :)