The Things We Lost // l.p.

Chapter 13

I yawn, as my eyes slowly open, the magazine I had been reading is upside down on the floor, it must have fallen when I fell asleep. I fell asleep! I scramble to look at the clock, 7:45. I hadn't realized I fell asleep, and for that long? I get up and run down the stairs, carefully skipping a step here and there. My socks slide on the floor as I run into the kitchen, just as I thought. Empty. There is a note sat on the table, picking it up I read it out loud just to fill the silence in the quiet house.

"Emily, I have a meeting with Matilda tonight, won't be home until late so don't wait up. I left some chicken in the microwave just heat it up. Sorry I missed you. Love you! -Dad"

Great another night all alone. I wish he would have just told me earlier that he had to leave. I suspected it but he still could have said something. I wouldn't have even cared if he woke me up, I wasn't supposed to fall asleep in the first place. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't keep so many things from me. He's my father but he still has so much that he doesn't tell me. I warm up the chicken and eat it at the kitchen table, the only sound in the house is my fork scratching the ceramic plate.

I wonder what they have him doing tonight? Ms. Macon -as I said on my date the other night, does weird things. My father never tells me about anything but you hear things. Sometimes not good, but what can you do? She has been good to my father even though I don't always want to admit it.

•••

I stretch as the sun breaks through the curtains, yawning as I rub the sleep from my eyes. I have school today at 11 so I should probably start getting ready since I slept in late. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to get a shower, the cold wooden floor giving me chills. Before turning on the shower I switch the bathroom fan on to hopefully reduce the amount of steam build up, though it hardly works after I turn on the shower and the mirror above the sink begins to fog over. I wipe away the steam, trails of water stream down the glass. My distorted face reflects how I feel. Just tired.

I ended up staying up until midnight looking through all of the photos I took yesterday until I picked a few that I liked and put them in a folder. After transferring them to a flash drive, I had to email the gallery telling them I'd drop it off today after school. I never got a response but it's always fine when I have to just show up out of the blue. Elizabeth Greene is the curator of it and always compliments and explains how she is a fan of my photos so I'm hoping that will carry through and that they will approve of them, they always accept my photos but never had they been selected under these circumstances, rushed and desperate. I'm worried they won't be as good, they weren't planned as per usual. Until they send me tickets, I won't be able to take a breath.

I step into the shower, the warm water encasing my exhausted body. It's a relief after being so tense and nervous about everything. I was worried about my dad for some reason last night, hoping he would just come home. That's another reason I stayed up until midnight, I was waiting for my dad. I know he wrote not to wait up but I had to. The only reason I didn't make it past 12 o'clock was because I fell asleep. He hadn't even come home by the time I fell asleep, he may not even be home now, I'm not even sure anymore. He could be on the moon and I wouldn't even know it. It seems as time passes, the more time my father spends with that woman. I said it before and I'll say it again, my fathers relationship with his boss is of a queer one. If I didn't know my father better I would say that there is something going on between him and Matilda but he talks vainly about her way too much, he would never see her as someone to love and cherish.

To love and cherish, I can't remember the last time my father was ever exclusive with someone, or the last time he was on a date. He's always talked about some women but not in that way, not since my mother but that's something I don't want to think about right now. There's just too much going on already.

When I decide I am done soaking in the water I turn it off and step out I grab a towel quickly wrapping it around me to shield myself from the cold air. I'm going to have to turn the air conditioning down before I go. It's way too cold in here for it to only be spring outside. Rushing to make sure that I get to school on time and to spend as little time as possible in a towel in this cold house, I put on an old yellow sun dress. I grab a banana and a water bottle from the kitchen before leaving the house with my heavy backpack full of textbooks. That's probably my least favorite thing about college, lugging around what feels like one hundred pounds worth of textbooks to school and back home. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a car but I don't, everything is so close together, plus I could take the bus cheaper for what the price of gas would cost me.

I stop at the bus stop, Liam and I's day yesterday coming to mind as I stand where our journey ended. After ten or so minutes of waiting the bus arrives. I'm relieved because I want to be early when I get to my class. I take a seat close to the back, it's least crowded there and I'm hoping I won't be bothered by anyone unwanted. I stare out the window into the bright day. The sun reflects off of the windows of the buildings on the side of the road. My eyes scan over every body that blurs as the bus goes by. Every person walking on the road, living there normal lives on just another normal day.

I notice that the bus begins to slows down, this should be the last stop before mine. The bus comes to a complete stop, the breaks squeak in the most annoying way. I should look into getting an mp3 player so that I don't have to sit on the bus bored out of my mind. That's one reason I never take the bus, it's not as entertaining as walking. I watch as a man with a long scruffy beard walks by, he looks like one of those guys from this tv show that's really popular right now. I don't know the name of it though, if you haven't noticed I'm not very caught up in what's popular right now. As my eyes follow the man something behind him in the alley catches my eye, the view I have is clear since the bus parked perfectly between the buildings. There are two figures, the one has dark hair and a mustache, the other's face is turned away from me but I watch as they exchange something. Shaking hands the one who I could see turns around, if I didn't know any better I would think it as some sort of drug trade. What lowlifes would do that to themselves? Getting caught up in gangs and risking everything to feed a sick addiction? No thank you. As I'm about to turn away not wanting to see anymore of them I stop. My eyes frozen as they break apart, the mysterious one turning, his face catches a ray of sunlight breaking through the top of the building. I gasp as I watch Liam, walking casually towards the bus. It was him? What was he doing? What if he. . . no. My eyes still shocked, my entire everything still shocked as I try to make an excuse for something good that might have been happening. I'm praying the bus will go, what if he gets on it? I can't face what I just saw. What did I just see? Jesus what am I doing? I can't break my eyes from him, I watch as he walks out from between the buildings probably ten feet from me, I hear the bus doors close and then it starts to move. As the bus moves beside him Liam glances at it, his steps seizing when our eyes meet. His eyes full of guilt and disbelief filling my own. What the hell are we going to do?

What the hell am I going to do?