Notions || jean kirstein

Watch your mouth

Cry me a river - Justin Timberlake
Say it right - nelly furtado

"Hello?" My voice was quite as a sweat drop fell from my eyebrow.

"Hello darling!" My mother's comforting voice cracked though my headphones as I placed my hands upon my hips, my legs warming up as they softly tred on the moving treadmill.

"Hi mama-" bitter sweetness creeped into my chest as I hadn't heard her voice in a few days.

Those days were quiet. Numb and exhausting, the memory of Jean pulling away from my body haunted my every thought. He had left the house before I finished my shower. I thought at least he would've driven me home, but I was met with an empty room. Wallowing in my Angst my anxieties were restless as I trekked home in the snow. Replays of circumstances of why he pushed away replayed in my head as my message box from him stayed empty.

He didn't like me. Never did.

But he initiated it. He even proved it himself.

Hiding my face over campus was a struggle. My face printed on The front page on the collage paper, of me perched up on jeans shoulder. I had a monologue within the paper, my life back at home, my skating journey. Peers and fos would catch a glance of me, there would be talk of me, even speak to me, everybody knew me. But I knew nobody.

Countless pictures of me and Jean surfaced from game night, our arms linked as I gazed up at his face. It was embarrassing. Even more humiliating when I saw Connie posting pictures from the party, my cheeks flushed as Jean sat over me, drunken as ever.

Sinas College gossip gets around.

'Kirstein new girlfriend'

Hours turned into days, no response from Jean.

"Hey Jean, sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to scare you off, again I'm sorry."
11pm Thursday

Nerves ran thick through my veins as I glared at the message delivered 4 days ago.

"How have you been honey!!" Her voice was static over the phone. She had watched the airing of the game, sweet messages of congratulations and encouragement spilled from her message box.

I was hesitant-
"Yeah- alright" I lied, gritting through my teeth as I turned down the speed of the treadmill.

"Your performance was incredible! I'm so proud of you."

Blushing, I huffed an incoherent laugh as I watched the red numbers of the treadmill straing back at me.

34 minutes 9 miles

"And that boy!!- he looks just like your father."

I gulped at her words.

"The one that you were skating with!"
"The one that scored the winning goal,"
"Number 16!"

Her voice was getting increasingly excited at the thought of him.

"What's his name!? You have to bring him next time you visit!"

"Mama- calm down-" I cracked through the phone.

"Im not seeing him." I admitted, as I cleared my throat. My voice low, I whipped my head around the gym, on high alert.

"What do you mean you two aren't together!?" She ogled through the phone.

"Did you see the way he looked at you!"

My hand came up to pinch the tip of my nose bridge, I didn't need others questioning my relationship when I don't even know what's going on, especially my mother.