Private But Not A Secret [on A hiatus]

Chapter Sixteen

Nunew pov

I tried listening to Zee's conversations outside the door, but couldn't hear anything. I heard footsteps approaching the door and quickly ran back to bed. Zee got in and grabbed my arm. He looked mad. We got in the car, and he started driving. He looked so mad that I was scared to say anything. I looked at the side of his face and saw him clenching and unclenching his jaw, tightly holding the steering wheel.

He took me to the hospital to get checked out. They just gave some ibuprofen and sent us home. Zee was still silent. He isn't a talkative person by nature but he was responsive towards me, but now he would just "mmm" and "umh" at anything I said.

When we got home, he immediately went to his room. Now I was nervous. I took off the suit and wore some sweatpants. I went by his room and stood by his door, trying to hear something, anything. "Nunu," I hear him call. I guess he might have heard my footsteps.

I got in his room and saw him sitting on the bed, facing the door. The lights were off, except for a little nightlight that was dim. "Come here," he says. The closer I got to him, the more clear his face got. He looked stoic. He put me on his lap. "Why do you like hurting yourself to make a point?" he asks. I'm genuinely speechless.

"First, it was the office thing with Miss Lan, and now it's this. You threw yourself off the stairs," he says, patting my hair. "I have to correct this behavior before it gets worse." He says, pulling me towards him. "I have to correct this behavior before it gets worse." He says standing me up. "take off your pants" he says tugging at my waist band. I cautionly take off my pants letting them pool around my feet and jumping out of them. He lays me down so my stomach was laying on his knees in plank position. The realization hit me. He was about to give me a spanking.

I was about to get up when the first hit connected with my cheek making me gasp. "hia" I say shocked. After 4 more, I guess he is not stasfied so he takes my underwear off and continues. Now his hand was connecting to my skin directly. When he was done he cradles me like a baby whipping my tears. "are you gonna act smarter in the future?" he asks I nodd, too emotional to answer. He kisses my forehead and rocks me to sleep.

I'm not going to lie, that sleep you have after a cry is the best sleep ever. I wake up and become hyperaware of the fact that my underwear was off and zee was sleeping directly beside me. I see his eyes flutter so I close my eyes to pretend to be asleep. I open them after a while and see him face me already. "Morning, baby, how do you feel" he says, baby? "fine" I say buring my face in his chest, snuggling deeper. I could just countine sleeping but me being me I had to ask. "do you call everyone baby?" I ask trying to be sneaky. "just the person I love." He replies. "how often do you fall in love.?" I ask him. "a few times."he says. Ew not him being a player. I try to get away from his grab but he pulls me." I was joking nunew " he says still trying to pull me back." ok"i say I thought about what Miss Lan said, and she was right. I must stop making immature, rash decisions just to make a point. I sighed. I look at Zee as his eyelashes flutter from him squinting his eyes. I pet his cheek and rolled over grabbing my underwear and sweats. I quietly got out of bed and headed to his bathroom and decide that I have healed enough. It's time for me to back home.

When I got to the bathroom the first I do is look at my self in the mirror. I have gained weight. It's very noticeable.
I stood sideways and looked at my stomach while rubbing it. Wouldn't Leo like a playmate? I didn't even have an established relationship with Zee to be thinking of things like that. I sighed and got ready for the day.

I had already overstayed my welcome.

I walked over to the bed and gave Zee a kiss, then headed to my room to pack. I didn't think I could fit into his life. I couldn't get along very well with our mutual friends; he didn't like my friend. His social circle was obviously higher than mine, I was probably an embarrassment. I didn't fit into his work or home routine. I thought to myself.

I opened the closet and laid some clothes on the bed. As I was about to pull out the shoes, I remembered that I came here with basically nothing, all those clothes were bought by Zee. I cried out in frustration and screamed into a pillow. Great, now I had to clean up this mess. Zee walked in and looked at the pile of clothes on the bed and floor. He looked at me curiously, not mad. "What are you doing?" he asked, standing at the door, looking like a Greek god, with his bare chest on display and his boxers visible beneath his loose pajama pants. I'm leaving; goodbye forever, don't miss me too much. I thought to myself. "Organizing," I lied.

Now I had to stay for real, because I was a mess. "I'll help you," he said, coming forward. "No need just make us breakfast." I said, and he hesitated but left. I looked at the pile of clothes and just picked out what I wanted to wear for the day. I'll pack them later, I made a mental note. After bathing, I went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. "Want to talk about last night?" Zee asked. I should have left while he was still asleep. "No," I simply said. "Not even about you fake falling and possibly hurting yourself?" he asked, pointing his spoon at me. "No, how about how you left me most of the night, didn't stand up for me, making me look crazy in front of your friends, and invalidating my feelings?" I said. I hate being sensitive I feel like I'm about to cry. I don't like being made to seem too oversensitive.

He sighed and put his spoon down. "I wasn't really in the correct headspace my mind felt foggy. I couldn't even grasp half the things said to me last night. I'm sorry. Maybe if I was paying attention to you, it would have been a better night for both of us." He said. Stop it. Now I couldn't leave him after those words. "Yeah, do better," I said, basically burying my head in my bowl.

"I'm going to work see you at dinner ," he said, kissing me and leaving to get ready for work. After breakfast, I head to my room but turned back after seeing the clothes on my bed. I sat in Zee's clean room instead. I should also start working, I thought to myself, but immediately called Alex instead. "You won't believe the night I had..." I told Alex everything, I might have exaggerated the talk I had with Zee's friends, and skipped the parts of me being a bit bratty and unreasonable and of course I'm not going to tell my friend how I got spanked.

"And where is he now? With his evil friends?" Alex asks."No, he went to work," I say.

"So he says," he responds.

I roll my eyes. "He really is," I say.

"Okay, so when are you coming back home?" he asks."I wanted to leave this morning," I say.

"But?" he asks."But I had a talk with him, and he sounded so sincere," I say.

"Really? A few words were all it took to agree to uproot your whole life?" he asks, sounding sarcastic."And the image of his half-naked body," I quietly say.

He fake-gags, making me laugh.

"You're going to stay with this guy?" he asks. "You aren't even a couple. What's the plan, huh? Arrrgh! You're stressing me out."

"Well, he said he loved me this morning," I reply.

"And?" Alex presses.

"And I love him too," I admit.

I hear Alex sigh on the other end of the line. "I have to go to work. I'll scold some sense into you later. Bye," he says, hanging up.

I look blankly at my phone, noticing an urgent email from work, but I ignore it and turn off my phone. I don't have anything to do. I'm too burnt out to start recording music. I've had too many absent days at work, and I have a feeling that email isn't a promotion letter.

Eventually, I decide to snoop through Zee's things. This guy has nothing - he's a minimalist with empty drawers. I decide to try cooking something  for lunch and get some cleaning done while I'm at it. I ate so snacks and decided to snack on them until I find some recipe to make.

I did non of that. I procrastinated. I turned youtube to look for a recipe but instead fell in a rabbit hole of how certain food was discovered which lead me to watch a long food documentary.

I tried cleaning but the plie of clothes on my bed just made me lazy. I took a nap on top of them. I think I just have some kind of depression. I have no ambitions. I kind of don't have a job. I do have money from my savings and current accounts. That's good and since I'm living freely off zee that means I haven't touched my money in a while after our 'relationship' is over what do I have to live for..? I scream and grip my hair to try to stop thinking about such things. I'll ask him tonight at dinner. I'm ashamed of myself.