My Little Assassin

Chapter Seven

Three days.

It's been three long days since I've had my breakdown. I haven't left my room, nor have I opened the door to anyone whose knocked. If anyone walked in, they'd see the mess I'd created and me, sprawled out, staring at the ceiling, in the center of it all.

What am I supposed to do now? My parents were gone, and everything I've worked for over the years since their deaths isn't relevant anymore. I wasn't sure what to do next, how to move on, where to start. I felt like I was lost and the whole world was closing in, swallowing me up.

They came all the time. The pack members. I guess their advanced hearing meant that they all heard Soggy's and my conversation, then my tantrum, and finally, the breakdown. They've done a complete turn-about with how they treat me. Before, I was an enemy who they could taunt and fight. Now, I'm a fragile and scared girl who will randomly start crying again at any point in time.

A timid knock at the door.

Another, "Do you want anything?"

More silence on my part.

And then they'd leave.

I can't even begin to piece myself together. It hurts so much and I don't understand how someone can feel this much pain. My body physically hurts, even though it's all in my head. Tears well up again, but they just slide down my face. I'm too tired to let out the sobs that build up. My breathing hitches and that's about it. But I know that they all hear it.

"That's it, I'm going in."

"No, Cora! Wait-"

The door slammed open and several gasps sounded out. My eyes never wavered from the ceiling, but I knew that they, whoever was at the door, were staring at me. Cora's face came into my line of vision, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and her green eyes swimming with worry and sadness. She gently brushed away the tears that were falling on my face, then pulled me into a sitting position.

A water bottle was placed to my lips, and I drank greedily. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was until I tasted the first drop of water. My eyes took in the scene and I grimaced at all of the destruction I'd done. The dresser laid in two pieces, holes littered the walls, and everything that could be broken, was. I'd torn the pillows and smashed the windows. Even the bed frame was broken, one post ripped off and laying next to me. I guess I used it to bash some stuff.

"Alright, Bam-Bam, let's get you cleaned up,"she stated gently, bringing us both to our feet.

A weak laugh came from me at the nickname. I felt so tired that I had to clutch onto her, just to stay on my feet. She led me out into the hall and a few doors down to the bathroom.  Once inside, she locked the door and stripped me down to my bra and underwear. She turned the shower on, then pushed me under the lukewarm spray, climbing in with me.

I felt awkward. We were both standing here, in a shower, in our underwear and bras, but I was too weak to wash myself. She shampooed and conditioned my hair, then ran a washcloth over my body to get rid of the grime I'd collected. Once she finished, she wrapped us both in towels, grabbed our clothes in one hand, me with the other, and led us across the hall into what must be an extra room. 

Sitting me on the bed, she threw the clothes in the hamper, then ran out to grab some clean ones. When she came back, I'd fallen onto the bed and resumed staring at the ceiling. Sighing, she stood me up and handed me some shorts and an over sized t-shirt. I slowly pulled them on, and sat back on the bed, sitting cross-legged with my hands in my lap.

"Do you want to talk?"

My bottom lip trembled and tears welled up again. She quickly sat next to me and pulled me into a hug. I broke down once more in her arms, blubbering like a baby. 

"Why does it hurt so much?" I whined after I'd shed the last tear.

Pulling away, she grabbed a brush off the bedside table and sat behind me, slowly brushing out my hair. "I've never lost someone close to me, but I can only imagine how much it could hurt. I'd be in the same state as you if I ever lost someone."

"But why does it have to hurt?"

"Because we love. If we didn't have the ability to love, we wouldn't hurt."

"It's not fair. How am I supposed to move on when it's all I can think about?"

She sighed and set the brush back on the table. Her fingers massaged my scalp before starting a french braid at the top of my head and working her way down. "Don't dwell on the negatives, because that will only set you up for failure. Try remembering all the happy times you had with them. If you remember them in a positive light, you can see that your past wasn't all bad and you can move on. But don't try and force it. By the sounds of it, you've held this in for a long time. You deserve to grieve for as long as necessary. And once you've come to terms with your past, you can work on your future."

I nodded my head as she tied off the braid. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug and then climbed off the bed. At the door, she turned around and gave me a smile. "Get some rest, Bam-Bam. I'll come get you in the morning for breakfast. And if you could, please be gentle with Nico. He's been hurting the past three days after hearing your breakdown. I know you don't like the idea of mates, but he's a good guy. You can ignore the bond, like you've been doing, and get to know him. Who knows? Maybe you'll like what you find."

With that, she left me to stare in shock at the door. Could I really do that? Before I could think about it any more, I yawned. Climbing under the covers, I snuggled into the bed and zonked out into a dreamless sleep.