~Gunshot~

~The Finale~

The finale

I left the back lane and begin to walk home. It seemed such a normal thing to do, everything looked so normal everything but me that is. Miss Dorothy was out in her garden as usual. She was sitting on her deck chair out on the grass. Toto, Miss Dorothy's dog had his large floppy head resting on her lap and she fed him countless dog treats. I put up my hand to wave at her, something I do every day on the way home from school. I stopped my hand mid wave. She couldn't see me. No one could see me. I saw Ron cross the road to Miss Dorothy's house, he was busy doing his daily paper run. They chatted for a bit, mostly about Toto. Everyone seemed so oblivious to it all...

I stopped dead in my tracks.

How ironic.

My front door was wide open as two police walked out and down the path.

"Were very sorry for your loss Miss Thomas" one of them mentioned as they opened the old rusty gate. My mum was standing at our green front door. She was bawling her eyes out. She was wearing white shirt, it was tear stained down one side. Mark was at her side he seemed to be holding her up as she slumped to the floor slightly. She had her fist wrapped around his tie as she cried against his chest. Mark gave a nod to the police as they clambered into their blue and yellow car. They drove off leaving Mark to struggle with my distressed mother.

They knew.

My mother's only daughter, gone. She's already been through all of this twice before. She's been through so much, why this? She had already lost her first husband then her mother in law. Who might as well have been her mother, my grandma was more of a mother to my mum than my mum's mum ever was. I used to go to grandmas every day after school, I would spend even more time there especially after dad died. Mum was too much of a wreck, she couldn't look after me, she could barley look after herself all she would do was drink, cry and sleep. After my grandma died me and my mum only had each over. Then Mark came into the picture, he wasn't a patch on my dad but things went great. Mum only has Mark now...he better look after her.

Mark was about to shut the door, I ran across the road dodging the cars. I slipped through the door quickly before the latch locked its self. So normal. Everything was so normal. My coat was still on the rail my umbrella standing in the corner. Mark was dragging mum into the sitting room, I followed him in as he set mum down on the sofa.

"I'll go and get us a brew yeah?" Mark asked standing awkwardly above mum. She gave a half hearted nod and he left the room.

"She was just a kid...only fifteen, she had barley lived her life. She never got the opportunity to experience love or life. All she had was school. She was clever, cleverer than her old mum. Such a lovely girl though, I suppose she would be with her dad and grandma now" mum muttered as she cupped her hands around the lukewarm tea.

I wish.

"We're going to have to have a funeral, a proper goodbye for our Ellie" Mark said taking the now stone cold tea off my mum. Mum nodded.

"Can you do it, I don't think I could bare it, not the same thing again." Mum whispered as she stared at my school photo on the opposite wall.

"Yeah honey of course I will, now are we going to get you to bed, you looked knackered baby" Mark said pulling mum up her arm and taking her to the stairs. They walked up the stairs having to stop every so often as mum stumbled. They walked across the landing to their room. Mum stopped at my door. She pushed it open having to put some force onto it. Mark was supposed to be sorting out the dodgy lock this weekend. I followed her in, mum stared around my deep green room. It was in the same mess that I left it in yesterday afternoon. Mum picked her way through numerous hoodies and jeans. She sat down on my bed and picked up my pillow. She held it to her face and took a deep breath in. It was as if she was inhaling my essence...

"Oh Ellie..."

Over the next few days I saw mum drink countless cups of coffee and ever more tea as Mark called funeral companies and flower shops. Mum's friends kept coming round to see if she was okay, of course she wasn't okay! She had just lost her daughter! Mum put on a brave face while they wittered on, fetching her things she didn't need but as soon as they walked out that door she would put her head in her hands and weep. I so badly wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her I was fine and everything was going to be okay. But every time I went anywhere near her she shivered and struggled to breathe.

It was my funeral.

There was something I never thought I would say.

Mum and Mark walked out the front door. Mark in his black suit that was slightly tight around his beer belly. Mum was in her long black dress, the same one that she wore to my dads, and the same one she wore to my grandmas. I've always thought that at my funeral no one would wear black, they would wear colour that's more my style. Of course I didn't tell anyone, it was far too early for that...

But apparently not.

They walked down the path mums shaking hand was held tightly in Marks. They waited on the pavement in front of the rusty old black gate. They waited in silence still hand in hand. A black funeral cab pulled up closely followed by a black taxi. I could see a wooden coffin surrounded my orange flowers. Purple flowers spelt out my name alongside the coffin. I saw mum tense up as Mark pulled her over the taxi.

They clambered into the back of the taxi as the driver gave then a nod of reassurance. I sat in-between them, I felt mum go cold all over again as she gasped for air. Mark leaned through me and gave her a squeeze around the shoulders. We followed me to church, silence still filled the air. Mum stared straight ahead her eyes fixed on my beautiful flowers. Mark had done well.

We arrived at the church pretty quickly. The driver just sat there, mum did the same. Mark put his hand on mums arm causing her to jump out of her trance.

"You ready honey?" Mark whispered. Mum nodded viscously as she clicked the door open. Mark followed her muttering a word of thanks to the driver. Mum steeped out of the car as Mark closed the door behind them. She stared up at the church as a tear rolled down her cheek. Mark clasped her hand in his and they walked in the church together.

The service was lovely. Everyone was so kind, I never realised just how many people loved me. Mum managed to make her speech about me. She managed to get through the whole speech without a tear. She did however need Mark by her side and when she sat down she did shed a few sobs but I was proud of her. My friend Linda made a speech about how funny, clever and amazing I was. I couldn't help laughing at her, neither could anyone else. She began to talk about when we first met, back in primary. She started crying and couldn't stop. Mark got up out of the first pew leaving mum behind and put his arm around her. He finished her speech occasionally stopping to make a comment on how bad her hand writing or spelling was. It made her laugh, it made everyone else laugh, and it made me laugh.

After the ceremony mum and Mark stood at the door and said goodbye to everyone as everyone told my mum how sorry they were. They waved off all my school friends, some teachers, mums friends, Miss Dorothy and Toto. As the last of mum's friend said a teary goodbye I noticed something. She had her baby boy balanced on her hip. He was playing with his mother's ponytail and beads. She left the church, I thought for a moment, I remembered grandma telling me something.

"In order to find the answer start at very beginning"

I had to go back, start at the beginning. Back to my very first day. I had to go back to the day I was born.

>pS