Chapter 4

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Music for this chapter:
"Who Knew" - P!NK
"Ghost of Me" - Daughtry
"City Lights" - MIW

None of us have seen Zane since the funeral. Twenty four hours following the burial, Chris received a text from him that it would be our responsibility to deal with Ricky's belongings. It did come as a surprise, considering Zane has been known to be selfish. I thought he would have coldly kept all Ricky's possessions, leaving us with nothing to remember him by. Thankfully, it ended up being the exact opposite.

The text Zane sent, in a nutshell, said he would be leaving town for two weeks and he expected us to clean out the apartment in that time. He was using us as his maids in a way, but I didn't mind. It meant Ricky's things would be going to people that would care about them. I knew how to get in the apartment as well. I had the spare key, just as Ricky had one for my place.

Leading up to now, I've barely slept. I've spent two days laying in bed and crying over Ricky. Constantly, I swear I hear his voice or catch him out of the corner of my eye. Who would have known, that his death would make me actually start to go crazy? This entire ordeal has been a whole "who knew" experience. All these hysteric thoughts I've had, I wonder if they're plaguing the others. They probably have the will to deal with this, whereas I don't.

Oddly, we weren't teary-eyed while going through Ricky's things. More so, a reminiscent feeling filled the air. The sun was finally out after days upon days of rain storms. It shined golden rays through the open window, with the fall breeze tumbling in. Boxes laid around us while we took somewhat of a break to eat.

"Josh, what are you doing?" Ryan humorously gawked at him.

Balz was leaned over the kitchen counter, muttering to what seemed like himself. Ricky's cat was next to him on the counter, seeming somewhat intrigued by what he had to say. He glanced over his shoulder at us, replying, "I'm contemplating life with Ricky's cat. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Don't knock it." Chris told Ryan. "For all you know, that cat could hold the secrets to the universe."

"Like the cat from Men In Black." Angelo added, cocking a small smile.

Ryan looked at the grey tabby, widening his eyes. "I really hope no alien races come after her then." He muttered.

Balz chuckled and ruffled the fur on top of her head. As he turned to face us, she jumped off the counter. "Is Zane keeping her?"

Chris stood up from the table, collecting empty plates as he spoke, "I honestly have no clue. If he isn't, none of us can take her. We couldn't take care of her while we're on tour."

"I don't want to give her to a shelter though." I said. "She could easily end up in a bad home that way."

"She'll be in a bad home if we leave her with Zane." Ryan mumbled.

"Let me talk to Kelly. We might be able to take her." Angelo responded.

I hope he can, and I'm sure Kelly will be fine with it. After all Zane did to Ricky, he doesn't deserve to hold onto a thing of his. I am grateful that he's let us have Ricky's belongings, but it doesn't change the fact that I still want to kill him. He treated Ricky like fucking dirt. The last six years of that angel's life were spent being abused. I blame myself for letting Zane hurt him even once, let alone for half a decade.

There's absolutely nothing we can do now. The past has been written. That's a lesson I've tried to teach myself over and over again, but I keep hoping that this is all a bad dream. A very long, terrible, horrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from any minute. It isn't though. His cologne is haunting me. What made it even more difficult, was having to go through his clothes. Ryan was the only one that could fit into most his clothes, seeing as Chris and I are too tall, and Angelo and Balz have too wide of chests. Anything I could take though, I did.

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