forget me ➳ troyler au // THIRD //

VI

Troye

21.03.15

12:24 p.m.

I hate everything.

I hate people.

I hate my life.

I hate myself(iE aYEE sHAnE daWson reFEReNCe).

Why did I leave Tyler for a month, again? Oh yeah, so I could feel what it would feel like if he was gone.

Well I hated it. I missed him. I missed talking to him. I even missed cuddling with him, even though the only thing I could feel while cuddling with him was just heat.

Throughout the past month, I've tried getting help. I kinda liked talking to ghosts, but only Tyler. I've seen ghosts when I was walking through town and made eye contact. They tried interacting with me and I wanted to ignore them. It was hard, though, since they were like people.

I went to chat rooms about ghosts and shit and all I wanted was to find someone like me. I actually did, and we were talking for days. He told me he had a ghost friend named Cat, actually. I thought that was cool. I told him about Tyler and he said it was cool. He never told me his name, though. I lost connection from him and it sucked because now I don't know if I could find him anymore.

Anyways, all this time I've sat home crying. I missed Tyler. But I didn't want him around because I want to get help and I want to see if I can live happily without Tyler in my life for a few months. Clearly, that didn't work.

Just a few weeks in and I've locked myself in my room wearing the same onesie with Zoe visiting every now and then. Once, Connor came alone with her and he said sorry about everything. He told me he was depressed also and he showed me his scarred wrists and we both cried for hours together and watched movies afterwards. We're cool now and he visits me once or twice a week.

There was a sudden knock on the door and a voice. "Troye? It's me, Connor. Can I come in?" Connor asks me. Before I could reply, he walks into the room with tickets in his hands. I tilt my head in confusion. He hands me one after taking a seat on my bed. I sit up straight and look at the tickets after wiping my watery eyes. The ticket reads:

Carnival Admission

I look at Connor, frowning. I remember Tyler talking about how there was an upcoming carnival in a month a few days before the car accident and that he wanted to go with me. It's staying for a week, and today's the last day. I look at Connor and feel my eyes leak as tears spill down my face. "I was going to go with Tyler, but he's in the hospital and I can't go with him." I wipe away the tears and look at the ticket again.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me instead?" He asks. I look at him and smile weakly. I nod and I see his smile grow. "Well, I'll be downstairs waiting for you." He kisses my forehead and leaves my room, shutting the door. I get out from my bed for the first time in a few weeks and open my closet to decide what to wear.

I pick the first things that I saw: a grey t-shirt and black jeans. I also picked out just some black shoes that I didn't really care about what they looked like ( like i literally saw them and picked them up and put them on my feet ) and I headed out. I met Connor downstairs and we headed to his car and we drove off to the fair.