XI

256 15 9

by phntasia

by phntasia

Troye ( rest of story will be in troye's pov ok )

010415

08.46 a.m.

"Look on the bright side, Troye. You've got us."

I look at Sage with a quick glare with tears already in my eyes. I look back out the window and smile as we pass by some memorable places. On the way towards the funeral service, we saw the school. The school where I met the boy of my dreams, Tyler Oakley.

I see the place where Tyler and all his "friends" hung out at. It was a school day, but Sage, Tyde, and I skipped it because the funeral service was today on April first. Honestly, I think this was a shit day to even do it because it's April Fool's Day.

"Troye, you okay?" I hear my mum ask me. I turn my head and face her and fake a smile. I shake my head as Sage takes my body and embraces it, but only the side part. I hug her also, covering her entire face. I remember once when Tyler wasn't feeling well, I did this exact same thing. This made me want to cry even harder.

I looked out the window after the embrace and remember the moments walking along this road with Tyler. I remember the moments when we would walk along this exact sidewalk on some random days and walk to our favourite coffee shops and favourite music stores. We would eat at some places in the small town centre most of the times we were available and talk about life.

I honestly wish I could do that again with him. Or at least have him still with me. It's unfair. Life's unfair. Tyler's life didn't have to end just like that. My life could. My life fucking sucks. It sucks even more that Tyler is dead. It sucks how I feel guilty for having Connor kiss me at that carnival. I don't even deserve Tyler! I don't deserve anyone.

"Troye? Are you done crying?" I hear my sister's soft voice say. I look at her and nod. "The funeral is about to start. Come on." She holds out her hand and I take it and exit the car. We then walk towards the service and find a spot around the front row. Before the funeral started, we were able to look at the man who died. And I did.

I look down at the body. The body that I loved. He was in a suit with his hands folded on top of each other. He still had his glasses on, which made me laugh. I touched his cold hand and place my hand on to it. I start crying, wishing for him to come back to life. I knew it wouldn't happen, though.

What I knew that Tyler went to heaven, not hell. If he went to hell, he would still be a ghost. And I know that ghosts are people from hell, I think. I don't know. I'm Jewish, and I don't really like the religious subject. Like, yeah, I do all the Jewish shit, but sometimes I don't. I don't know anymore. I can't think anymore. My head is too fogged up with thoughts about Tyler.

I sat down again, my family hugging me. I hugged my hand. It was creepy that I'm hugging it since I just placed my hand on a dead body and now, I'm hugging that hand. I'm just really strange today. It's okay to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness.

The funeral started. I couldn't really hear any words from anyone because I couldn't think. I was deaf from the words coming out of people's mouths.

"Troye." Someone shook me. I shake out of my thoughts and look at the people surrounding me. "It's your turn to speak." Everyone in the room stares at me. I look up at the podium and walk up to it and look at the people. I walk towards the microphone and look at the people. I knew I looked like a total mess from crying so much. I then look at my feet, too scared to speak out my thoughts about this boy. I couldn't do it.

I look at my family who were smiling pitifully at me and I nod and start on the piece.

"T-Tyler is a special boy," I stutter. I heard someone laugh at my stutter. I gulp. "He's helped me through many things... Including me almost killing myself," I chuckle, feeling more tears falling down my face. "He's helped me through my depressed state, my insecurities, and basically everything. If my family weren't there, he was. And he was the only person there.

"I know that for a fact that he was right next to my hospital bed, helping me through depression. He told me to never try to commit suicide again. I didn't obey, though. And I feel like shit for not even believing him. Next thing you know, I almost die. But much worse, I just had amnesia.

"I almost got killed in a car accident. I wasn't in a car, though. Just a 'friend' pushed me into the street and a car runs me over. It was probably the moment where I thought I would die. I didn't. I was still living, but living with amnesia. I didn't know it, though. I only had amnesia for a full month or two. It fucking sucked, okay?

"When Tyler was in a coma, I stuck by him the whole time. I would visit him all the time, and some times I wouldn't because I wanted to feel like what it would feel like with him actually gone. I couldn't do that. I tried for a month and tried committing suicide again, totally disobeying Tyler's words he told me. I felt guilty, though. But I couldn't make it without him. When he was away, it felt like the end of my life. And it is.

"The last thing I wanted to see before death on earth, living and breathing, was Tyler Oakley's death. And I truly mean it. And now that Tyler's dead, I guess my life won't be continuing anymore now."

➳

ik ik ik ik ik ik i iKIkIK IK KI Ki kIK i'm a terrible person. well hI GOOD EVENING FAM I WAS LISTENING TO "GONER" BY TWENTY ONE PILOTS WHILE WRITING THIS AND BOY I WAS SOBBING THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME uHG but it's good for this chapter ok. anYWAYS I MADE A NEW STORY CALLED "CONSTELLATIONS" AND IT'S PHAN AND I MADE A TRAILER WHICH IS THE VIDEO I PUT IN THE SIDE / TOP AND YEAH GO WATCH IT AND THEN READ CONSTELLATIONS I POSTED CHAPTER ONE AND I THINK IT'S GREAT OK THX FOR READING BYE WORLd

—camille

p.s. i'm trying to keep the a.n. short and sweet ok and maybe no a.n. ok bye