Last Hope

Chapter 17

I missed you guys and I thought, hey, I owe yall a chapter so here. Aaaaaah and it's been two weeks since I saw twenty one pilots live and I still can't believe it! They were so great and perfect I am too emotional bye

Aaaand, sorry for the errors, whatnot!!

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"So, what does he look like?" I ask the pastor beside me who is, for once, dressed casually. His clothes looked quite similar to what I am wearing; jeans, sneakers and a plain white shirt. We arrived the bus station about thirty minutes ago and according to Brendon, who's been unconsciously biting off his nails, Ryan should've arrived about an hour ago.

"He's taller than me despite the fact that I am older." He noted, his eyes wandering around as he stood on his toes, peeking through the thick crowed of newly-arrived people. "Brown hair and eyes, not too pale and.. there he is." He said and subconsciously brushed his fingers through his slightly greasy hair and pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

"No wonder you have it bad." I mumbled as we started walking towards the lanky guy.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." I simply shrugged, a sly smirk appearing on my face. As we neared the now smiling Ryan, I took some mental notes of his appearance. He doesn't look that far from what Brendon has been babbling about for the past few months. And to be honest, he does look attractive; just not my type, but still.

The pastor magically and successfully shoved a thick mask of confidence on his face, rubbing both his sweaty palms against his slightly worn-out jeans as we halted to a stop in front of Ryan. "Long time no see." He spoke between his short breaths, holding out a hand for the other guy to shake.

"Long time, indeed." Ryan replied as he pushed away Brendon's waiting hand, engulfing the pastor's feeble frame. "It's so nice to finally see you again."

And for a moment there, I watched them both discreetly smile to themselves, a glint of joy twinkling in their eyes as their cheeks immediately found their comfort against the other's shoulder, arms wrapped both securely yet loosely around the other's waist and shoulders. It was quite- as cliché as this may sound- a picture perfect moment.

I let out a small cough, trying to break the two from their little moment and that actually did the trick as Brendon abruptly untangled himself from Ryan's grasp, as if someone dumped a bucketful of ice-cold water directly to his face while he's sleeping soundly. "Oh, uh- this here is Kellin. Kellin, this is Ryan."

"Nice to finally meet you, man. I've heard so much about you." I offered my hand, which he politely took, shaking it as a friendly smile made an appearance on his face.

"Is that so?" A playful smirk tugged on Ryan's face, his eyes moving towards Brendon's direction.

"Yeah, okay so, who's hungry?" The now blushing pastor tripped over his own words as he grabbed my wrist and led me to God knows where.

--

"And so, this dude walked to me and started taunting me, saying things like he'll ruin me and that he doesn't want to see my puny gay ass ever again, or something like that, I'm not entirely sure because I was a little bit drunk by that time but he didn't scare me at all, he was just all words and I was so certain that he wouldn't even be able to hurt a damn bug so.." Ryan's seemingly endless story finally reached its somewhat endpoint as he took a sip from the overly-bitten bendy straw of his drink.

"Wow, well, that's-that's.. something." Was what Brendon said as he took a small bite on his sandwich, his eyes looking ever-so unsure and uncomfortable with the current situation that we were in. We've been in the nearby Subway shop for roughly half an hour and although Ryan seems so calm and normal, Brendon has been the complete opposite of him. He looks so tensed and uneasy and it actually bothers me that Ryan doesn't seem to notice these through his calm and collected façade. I've always thought that if two people has this certain connection, they tend to feel even the slightest discomfort or change in mood of the other person but Ryan is proving this wrong for me. It's sad to see this right in front of my very own eyes; another thing to add up in my piling list of things that's been helping me realize that not all things are like the ones that we've been seeing in the movies: sugar-coated and fantasy-filled.

"So, Kellin, how did you and Brendon meet?" Ryan snapped me out from my dubious thoughts, his somewhat bored and tired eyes almost drilling holes through my soul.

"I do daily service in the church that he's residing in and luckily, I got him as my guide or mentor." I explained, gulping down a mouthful of water just so that I could calm down my nerves that suddenly stood up due to the unexpected conversation.

He nodded slowly, as if contemplating something in that head of his. "It's nice that you could still squeeze in some time for volunteering in the church." He gushed.

"Oh, no, I'm not doing it as a volunteer." I chuckled.

"He was forced by his wonderful parents to see me every day." Brendon added, finally chiming in to the conversation, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. Ryan looked back and forth between Brendon and I, his face written with sheer confusion, silently asking for either of us to explain.

"Parents found out that I've been 'goofing around' with some guy so they decided to drag me back here from the city so that they could 'wash off' the gay from me." I explained, using my fingers as quotation marks where they were necessarily needed.

"That's crazy." He breathed out, looking serious and quite distressed.

"They're crazy." I mused. I was looking at Ryan as he slinked down on his chair, his eyes now fixated on his fingers as they absent-mindedly play with the hem of his wrinkled shirt.

It was silent for a good few minutes or so and to say that it was actually bugging me is an understatement. I was so uncomfortable and I silently prayed to the heavens for Brendon to at least say something just so that we could break down the thick, dense air that hovered our once wordy atmosphere. I didn't have to pray hard enough, though, because once again, Ryan spoke.

"You shouldn't let anyone tell you how to live your life." His words were stiff and full of seriousness together with his eyes that held so much regret and uncertainty as his gaze weakly traveled for a split-second towards Brendon's direction. "They are your parents, yes, but, you're old enough to make your own decisions."

"What if he thinks that what they are saying are the things that he should do?" Brendon asked all of a sudden and in that moment, I knew where this one is coming from. I knew damn well.

"But he wasn't and isn't entirely willing to do it. You shouldn't do something that you are- even in the slightest- doubtful of. It means that there's something holding you back and you should put into consideration whatever it is that is holding you back, no matter how big or little it is." Ryan retorted, his back slightly straightening against the stiff material of his seat and although he was trying to give me this powerful pep talk, his eyes are fixated towards the pastor's direction.

"He's just trying to do what he's expected to do-"

"You should do what you think is right. What your heart and mind think is right." Ryan cut Brendon short, shutting him up in an instant and that's that. We were once again in the deepest abyss of silence, none of us making any sort of sound.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that both of them still haven't moved on from whatever past they had and shared with each other. Regret was still sitting at the edge of their minds but unfortunately, certain people were actually strong enough to separate them and leave them with nothing but unsaid words. It's a pretty sad thing, if you think about it; to not be able to be with someone that you full heartedly love and care for, I mean. Obviously, they still have feelings for each other but there are voices inside their heads, telling them that they just can't; shouldn't.

And I feel stupid because I actually had to witness them silently blame each other just so that I could realize these things that should have been so obvious in the very first place.

"I- I know that I'm not in the right place to say this but, you two obviously have some unfinished business that you should be taking care of." I said, pushing myself off from the beaten down chair and picking up my phone and jacket in the process. "Please talk properly. I fucking beg of you two." I said, slightly out of breath due to the very fast beating of my heart against my chest.

"I feel like I shouldn't be the one telling you this but, he cares for you, so fucking much." I whispered to Ryan as I momentarily crouched down beside him. With a final pat on his shoulder and a smile on Brendon's direction, I let my legs drag me to where I should have been this entire time and I swear to my own damn grave that I would stand my ground this time because, hell, I should've fought for him and myself months ago.