Après (sequel to Arranged marriage with Adnan)

Chapter 14

"Rylee, I don't know why I'm still holding on..."
"Let him go."
"I can't..."
"Scarlett, you're giving yourself excuses not to leave him. Look at you now, you're pregnant again."
"I know-"
"Scarlett, for these like past seven years or whatever it is now, you haven't been you. The first two years were alright asides from your loss, but then it all went downhill. I can see it."
"I know, but I love him."
"But does he love you?"
"Don't say that!" I cried.

I just found out I was pregnant recently. We had an appointment scheduled for later today and I was nervous as always.

"Scarlett, I wasn't all for this arranged marriage thing, if my parents did that, oh no... Oh no, oh no, oh no," she said, "it wouldn't have even lasted a minute."
"Why not?"
"Because I wouldn't have truly loved the guy."
"But I do love Adnan, I do."
"It's hard to grasp, but you were so young then... Maybe you only thought that you loved him."
"I don't understand."
"Scarlett, Ander and I waited five years to get married. We got to know each other inside and out first. I knew that I had to be one hundred percent in with this and I knew he had to be on board too. Marriage means sharing your life with someone and I had to make the decision whether I wanted my life to become busy like the one of a professional footballer's. And with time and once I was mature enough to make that decision, I did. See your parents thought they were doing best, but they don't know you. I mean, they don't know how you feel. You and Adnan went into your marriage with doubts. I know it. You were too young and barely knew each other. That's the real truth. And now that you have got to know each other, you're rethinking your decision and maybe that's not what you love anymore."

***

I held onto Adnan's hand while we walked in silence. Our four year old daughter skipped in front of us and Adnan made sure she didn't run off too far.

"Scotia! Come back."
"Boo!" She said, looking up to her dad.
"You nervous?" He squeezed my hand harder.
"What do you think?"
"I would take that as a 'yes'."
"Exactly."

We walked inside and up to the office that we'd be going into. Everything went like it usually did.

"How are you Mr. and Mrs. Januzaj?"
"Fine, you?"
"I'm well. Scarlett, so tell me how you're feeling?"

My head shot up and I stopped fiddling with my hands. Rylee's words from earlier had an affect on me.

"Alright, I guess."
"Ok, so we're just going to do what we always do. Run the ultrasound and make sure everything's ok."

I laid there. Adnan was playing with Scotia. I really didn't understand. Sometimes he could be so loving and caring and then other times it was the opposite. Maybe he was having a hard time. This past year, Wayne decided to retire and he handed his captaincy down to Adnan. He was a good player, but maybe he couldn't see that. Maybe Adnan was doubting himself. I could only imagine the amount of pressure he'd be carrying on his shoulders.

"Hold on."

I looked up at the doctor, same with Adnan.

"Something's different."

I looked over to Adnan, hoping that he would give me some sort of reassurance. He kneeled down next to me and held my hand. He kissed my cheek and for that moment, everything was blissful.

Adnan spoke, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I've just detected two heartbeats. Congratulations, you'll be having twins."

Someone hold me. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

We walked out of the office with mixed feelings. The drive home was quiet asides from Scotia singing or playing with some toys she had brought along.

At home, I left Adnan downstairs and I brought Scotia to her bedroom. She was sleeping my room that Adnan and I had painted and decorated years back. I put her down for her nap and today, she went down easily. I felt relief because I wasn't in the mood for dealing with tears and a tantrum over a nap. I sighed as I walked back downstairs.

Twins?! That's a lot. Having three children with Adnan?! If he's struggling to be there for myself and one child, how about adding two more? I guess now there was no chance in leaving Adnan. I never wanted to leave him in the first place, but I would do what's necessary if it meant improving my life.

"Scarlett."
"What."
"Can we sit and talk?"
"Sure."

Adnan and I sat with a cup of tea and began to talk about things.

"How are you?"
"Shouldn't you know, I mean, you see me everyday. You're supposed to be my husband, surely you should know how I am."
"What happened to us?"
I felt like saying it was because of him, but I didn't, "I don't know."
"Is it because of me?"

At least that stuck, always being able to tell what was on each other's minds.

"I don't know if I can do this."
"It's-"
"Twins, Adnan. You're going to have to help me a lot because soon I'll have trouble even taking care of myself. Let alone caring for Scotia and cooking while carrying twins. You need to help out."
"Don't worry, I will."
I started to stress because lately he hasn't been keeping his problems, "Adnan..."
"What? You don't believe me?"
"It's not that I don't believe you, I- I'm just worried that you won't always help."
"Why not?"
"Because first of all, you're not always around... And when you are would you actually help? Adnan, twins is a big thing, I don't know if I'm ready for this. I can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
He was so clueless, "Do us anymore, I can't do us."

Adnan kind of looked confused and hurt. Immediately, I regretted what I said.

"What do you mean? Scarlett, I love you so much and you know that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Wh- what makes you think this way?"
"You're actions don't match up to your words. You say you love me, but don't show it. I don't know what to believe because actions speak louder than words, that's what they say... You've been off by yourself, going out more, talking to other girls. Who knows what you're doing when I'm not around!" I threw my hands up.

I wasn't mad, more so feeling defeated. I felt like I had just lost a long battle.

"What have I done..."

He crossed the room from the couch he was sitting on. I watched his literally step on the coffee table, surprised that it could hold his weight, and looked up once he stood right in front of me. Adnan bent down and connected our lips in a kiss.

It was different though. He was really kissing me as if it was the first time. I felt the passion he had with the way he moved his lips on mine. His short sharp breaths in between kisses showed that he wanted and craved more. He crashed his lips into mine one more and finally relaxed into the kiss. I let go and kind of left my lips on his face to linger.

The kiss we just shared was real. It showed true love and at that moment, I knew he was the one and I knew I was with the right person. Adnan was my soul mate and I felt guilty for doubting if I should be with him.

I shifted over to the side for Adnan to sit next to me. His hand still held my face. I looked down at our intertwined fingers.

"Adnan, I'm sorry."
"I hate it when you apologize because there's nothing to be sorry for, but then again, I love that about your personality. You always feel the need to make things right."
"I'm just sorry for causing all this unnecessary drama. It almost ruined our relationship."
"No, it wouldn't have. I know you and I know that with time you would've realized and come back to me and guess what. I would've been waiting right there for you."
"Really?"
"Really," he said, "I know that you get stressed and worry, so sometimes I leave you alone. Also, don't forget about my personal time."

His laugh was priceless and I loved it.

Scotia's cries were heard from upstairs, "You know, she has your beautiful smile."
"She has your perfect body."
"Shut up."
"Scarlett, you're breathtaking," even him saying this made him lose his breath a bit.
"How about her eyes?"
"Yours maybe?"
"I don't know."

Scotia had these gorgeous grey-blue eyes. I don't know where she got them from, but they were precious.

"Hi, baby girl," Adnan lifted Scotia up and kissed her on the head, "I love you."

He looked at her and then to me. Scotia also turned to look at me and they both just smiled.