pills ✧ tronnor

three

Warning: This chapter contains content that some readers may find triggering. Continue reading at own discretion.

As the car pulled up outside the hospital, I could've sworn my heart stopped. This was it - I was being admitted to the psychiatric ward for at least a month, and this would be the last time I'd see my family for a while. After I'd discussed everything with Rosa, my parents had taken me home so I could spend the night with them, as long as careful observations were being made on my condition. I hardly had any of my belongings with me - just a few changes of clothes and a photo of my family to have with me for comfort. Other than that, I had nothing. I had to leave all my technology devices at home, along with many of my most treasured possessions. I understood why I had to leave everything, and particularly why I wasn't allowed anything sharp. I just hoped the month would pass quickly.

Rosa approached the car once it came to a halt, a warm smile spread across her face with a hint of emotion I couldn't quite read; guilt? Sympathy? Anxiety? She opened the door beside me and I slowly stepped out, taking in the large building in front of me - the place that would now be the environment I called home for the next month or so. With the dark grey sky around it, it just made it look all the more gloomy and un-homely as possible; it sent a shiver down my spine.

"We're proud of you for getting help, sweetie." Mum whispered as she pulled me into a hug. We both pretended not to notice the tears in her eyes as she pulled away.

"It's gonna be weird not having you around for a while," Sage gave me a half smile as she hugged me. "But if this is going to help you get better, then it's for the best."

Tyde pulled me into a one-arm hug. "Be happy again, Troye. I hate seeing you like this. Please, please try and get better."

Lastly, I turned to my Dad. I was unsure of how to react when I saw a tear rolling down his right cheek, and all I could do was hug him and bury my head into his chest. "I'm sorry, Dad." I whispered.

He shook his head and looked into my eyes as he placed his hands on my shoulders. "No, I'm the one who's sorry. I should've been there when you were hurting. I'm sorry I wasn't."

After saying our goodbyes, I began to walk towards the hospital with Rosa who was carrying the small bag of my things. Before entering the doors, I turned around to take one last look at my family, who simultaneously waved before getting back into the car. Only then did it hit me what was happening - I was on my own, now.

I followed Rosa down a variety of corridors, but they all looked the same. Every one was painted the same colour, with the same colour linoleum covering the floors, and the overhead lights all incredibly blinding. As we walked, I began to see signs pointing in the direction of the psychiatric ward. I still hadn't quite managed to comprehend what was happening, but I knew it was definitely real and that there was no turning back now. I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect. What would the other people be like? Would the staff be nice? Would they understand what I was going through?

"Here we are, Troye." Rosa smiled as she pushed open a door and gestured for me to head in first. Reluctantly, I stepped in. It was eerily quiet, although I wasn't sure what else I'd expected. I continued to follow Rosa through the ward, looking around me cautiously. There were a few patients dotted around - the majority on their own - but it didn't look too crowded. One girl, with long red hair tied into a ponytail, was sat at a table by the window reading a book. Another patient - a dark haired boy - was fixated on the television screen which was grainy and low quality, yet he didn't look like he was paying much attention. I began to wonder if this was how I'd be spending most of my time - animatedly trying to amuse myself to take my mind off the shit going through my head.