pills ✧ tronnor

eighteen

When my extended admission was finally over, my family arrived to discharge me and take me home - finally. It had been a long eight weeks, some of the craziest that I'd ever experience in my life. When I'd gone into the ward eight weeks ago, all I'd wanted was to leave. I didn't want to associate myself with anyone else, I wanted to isolate myself, take my medication and leave as soon as possible. Never had the thought of meeting someone special there even crossed my mind, it wasn't something I'd have ever thought to be possible. If someone had told me before I was admitted that I'd fall in love whilst in a psychiatric ward trying to recover from a suicide attempt, I'd have laughed in their face and told them how stupid they were.

I thought back to the first day I met Connor, when Rosa told me, "He needs someone like you, Troye. Maybe you need someone like him, too." At the time, I'd wanted to laugh. I thought Connor and I would never see eye to eye, we were two such different people with such contrasting personalities - it would've been a miracle if we even exchanged another conversation after that first encounter. As much as I regretted how coldly I'd acted towards him, I wouldn't have changed a thing about what our relationship led to. And now, I was leaving him behind.

When my family arrived, there were mixed emotions from all of us. I was over the moon to see them, but I still felt so numb and drained from losing Connor. Mum looked like she was going to burst with the excitement of seeing me again, yet her eyes were brimming with tears within seconds. Dad remained calmer, but when he caught sight of me for the first time I saw a smile twitch at the corners of his mouth. Sage and Tyde both smiled widely, and I was surprised to see Steele stood beside them - I thought he'd gone away a while ago. The sudden burst of emotions inside me was too much, and I ran down the corridor until I felt myself collide with my Mum's chest, her arms wrapped tightly around me. I'd almost forgotten what her hugs felt like, and I'd forgotten what her signature perfume smelt like; raspberries with an undertone of vanilla. I felt safe again, for the first time since the last time Connor and I had slept together.

"I'm so sorry, baby. But you can come home now, everything's going to be okay." Mum whispered, and I somewhat believed her. Maybe things would start looking up again.

After I'd finished putting the few items I'd brought with me into the back of the car, I turned around to find Rosa stood on the pavement, a look of both sadness and happiness on her face. Without hesitation, I walked over and hugged her. Surprisingly, it didn't feel awkward. She gently patted my back and then stepped away, looking up at me. Her eyes glistened due to the tears that were gathering.

"Never forget how special you were to him." she whispered. "You kept him holding on for longer than he thought would've been possible. You showed that boy how to be happy again."

"But he-" I tried to speak but I choked up. "You know."

She nodded understandingly. "You kept him safe. There was nothing you could've done to stop what happened from happening, but you delayed the process. The night before you came, he was in a very bad way. We had to supervise him all night in case he attempted anything. Once you two met, I saw a light return to his eyes that I hadn't seen since the day I first met him nearly four months ago. You changed him. Never forget how important you were to him, Troye."

I gave a small smile and hugged her one more time. "Thankyou. For everything."

"No, thank you. You gave us all hope, Troye Sivan. You won't be forgotten."

I slowly stepped away and got into the car, sat beside Sage who was sandwiched between Tyde and I. The car pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive away from the hospital. As we got further away, I looked out of the window to the roof, picturing Connor sat on the edge, his legs dangling off, waving me goodbye. As if sensing something was wrong, Sage reached across and laced her fingers between mine, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I wouldn't be forgotten; neither would Connor.