The Bad Thing

Am I even sane?

"I love you." he says.

"No you don't." I answer as I lower my gaze.

"I've always did."

"WHAT" I exclaim as I slowly rebuild my senses after sleep. I just woke up. It was a dream. Was it a bad dream or a good dream? I can't remember clearly...

"Wh..at ha...ppen..d?" I hear a slow, sleepy voice beside me. I turn around to see his face. His eyes are still closed and his lips are slightly parted. He smells of sleep. He seems so weak like that, covered up under the sheets. He... was... in my dream. He...

"NO." I randomly let out.

He suddenly opens his eyes, his eye pupil frightenly descends due to the unavoidable sunlight and looks at me shocked.

I don't say anything that would make my behaviour understandable, simply because I don't know how. I saw him in my dream. He told me... Ugh I can't look at him now. I turn my look away.

"Are you bonkers?" he says, giggling a little bit, but it is clear that he is confused, since he just woke up.

I don't answer. Not necessarily because I don't have an answer for him. It's just that I can't talk right now. The dream was very real. I can feel everything I was feeling that moment. The moment that never did or will happen.

He looks at me for a bit. "... Or maybe deaf?" he continues.

I stand up. I can't fucking look at his face. He pisses me off, when he didn't do anything at all. Maybe that is the problem.

Of course he doesn't ask me where I'm going. Would yesterday Alex ask me where I'm going? His attitude was rather unusual... Or the Alex in my dream? Would he ask me?
Why do I even bother wondering...

I head to the bathroom. I throw some water on my face in order to feel better. I hear him standing up. I hope he won't come here. I wait  in the bathroom for a bit. I can hear him putting on his shoes and jacket. Is he..?

The door is shut.

He left. He left without telling me anything.

I get out of the bathroom and look at the door furious. Why am I even angry? He always does that, it is not something I'm not familiar with. But this time I'm angry. Very very angry. It bothers me, why does it bother me? I'm incredibly irritated by his already experienced attitude. Am I even sane?

I sit down on the couch to relax. I can't relax. Why did he come yesterday? If I hadn't said what I said about him being nothing but sex to me, would we have sex? Of course we would, it's not like he really just came to chill with me. Out of all people he could chill with, he would choose me? Pf, come on, like that would ever happen. It was just a stupid excuse in order to let him in and have sex.

But his behaviour yesterday was different from other days. It was like he was interested in me. Not only in a physical way.
I can't bother myself with this stupid and useless thoughts. I need to head to the store, since yesterday I skipped.

After those exhausting hours of work, I'm finally home. They weren't exhausting because of what I was doing. I like what I'm doing. It was my brain that wasn't cooperating. I was only thinking about his stupid face. His hot stupid face. Which still makes me angry.

I take a cold shower. I need to get that dream off my mind. Or maybe delete it. The whole memory of it.

It is midnight and he hasn't come. Maybe he won't come. Will I feel sad if he won't come? Of course I won't, it's not like it hasn't happened before. It's been many times where he wouldn't come for a week straight.

He didn't come. He really didn't come. I can't believe that he didn't come. To be perfectly honest, I can't believe that I can't believe that he didn't come. Is it because he was different that night? I am feeling so uneasy about the whole concept of him. I should just forget about that night where he was different and that dream that's been on my mind all day.
I hate that it is so easy to be said but so hard to do. I should get some sleep.

It was hard for me to sleep yesterday, but I'm proud I eventually did. I look at my calendar and today is Sunday, which means that my store is closed. I'm both relieved and disappointed. Relieved because I have no power to work today. Disappointed, because I have less activities to occupy my mind with, in order to avoid him controlling my mind, like yesterday.

A few hours pass by, with me on the television. The time is about 2:00 in the evening. The bell rings. Could it be...

"Who is it?" I ask.

"You know who." I hear Alex's voice.
Do I though? What the hell is he doing here? Especially at 2:00 o'clock.

"I'm out of coffee, if that's what you want." I answer.

"I've already had my coffee darling, it's 2:00 in the evening."
What the hell is he trying to say, until now, I didn't even know he exists when the sun is up.

I open the door but don't let him come in.
"Exactly. It's 2:00 in the evening. What the hell are you doing here?"

He smiles. "I came to-"

"Let me guess... chill?" I interrupt him. "I think I know how good you are at chilling with me. You showed me last time."

"Wow, why does your voice sound so angry?" he says.

I don't answer.

He carefully pushes me in the house in order for me to let him too. He closes the door behind him.

"Did you forget something?" I ask.

He shakes his head in a negative manner. So, that's not it.

"Did you come to have sex?" I ask and with that, his eyes lock with mine.

"No." He seriously states.

I look at him puzzled.
"Then what the fuck is it?"

He slowly approaches me.

"How was your day?" he asks.