The Bad Thing

Why Not?

He carefully pushes me in the house in order for me to let him too. He closes the door behind him.

"Did you forget something?" I ask.

He shakes his head in a negative manner. So, that's not it.

"Did you come to have sex?" I ask and with that, his eyes lock with mine.

"No." He seriously states.

I look at him puzzled.
"Then what the fuck is it?"

He slowly approaches me.

"How was your day?" he asks.

If he asked me what I think he did, then I really don't know how to handle this. I'm not familiar with this behaviour and nor am I going to try to get.
I look at him without saying anything.

"What?" he asks. What does he mean what? What is wrong with him?

"Are you okay?" I ask him while using my most worried - partly sarcastic - voice I hold.

"Why are you asking me that?" he answers with a question. "Don't I look like it?"

"Look?" I start. "More like... sound. No you don't sound like it to be honest."

"Oh, I don't sound like it? Is my voice raspier than usual? I should take breaks when we practice with the boys more seriously, then. Must have overdone it this time."

What is this? He is talking about breaks when they practice, while most times I don't even hear about their rehearsals. Most importantly, he is having a conversation with me. I can't help but find his behaviour even more terrifying than last time, when he just wanted to "chill".

"Actually, that's not what I meant." I state and walk away from him.

He follows me like a dog who doesn't know where to go, until he stumbles on my couch and sits down.
"What did you mean?"

"I meant that you- I mean- What is wrong with you?" Apparently I can't find better words than this.

"I don't think I fully understand." He answers sarcastically, while letting out a small giggle.

"Ugh" I sigh. I walk towards the kitchen and pour a glass of water for me. I hear him standing up. When I turn around, he's already leaning in the kitchen counter, looking at me intensively.

"Look I don't know why you're so stressed right now, but I just came here to... you know... see you." he tries to explain himself.

"See me?" I ask while feeling my eyebrows raising in confusion.

"Yeah, I mean... why not?" he smiles.

"Okay okay. I'll tell you why not." Am I about to regret this? Probably. But I need a reason behind all this. Right now. "Because, as I've already said, we" I point to both of us "are nothing but sex. To be honest, it's not only that I've said it before, it's your behaviour that shows it all. I am nothing but sex to you and that is okay because all I want from you is your body too and nothing more. No 'chilling' or 'hanging out' or 'talking' or anything like that, because I simply don't want to and I'm sure that you are just here to talk to me into having sex with you once again, because - no offence - that's all you live for. So, what's not okay with this today, is your unusual behaviour." I don't break eye contact with him. "What is it that you really want?"

He doesn't answer. He just looks at me. His big eyes didn't even blink to a word I said. He doesn't seem hurt, he doesn't seem affected, he just seems... thoughtful. He is thinking of something and I could die to find out what it is.

"Are you gonna say something, or is it like those moments were I seem like a crazy bitch who doesn't even understand her own words?" I awkwardly smile. I mean, I don't know why I smiled, but it somehow felt like the right thing to do in order to cool out the atmosphere.

He smirks, looks on the ground and then back at me. "Why do you think of all these?"

"I'm sorry?" I ask in wonder.

"I mean... Do you really put that much thought into it? Like... I just.. act on impulse, if that's what you're so annoyed about." he bluntly states.

That's just... he just... He really, truly and honestly, makes me so angry. So fucking angry.

"You know you are a fucking asshole don't you?" I say without thinking it twice.
He looks at me confused. "You are not impulsive, you're just a dick."

"Wow, easy there." He tries to calm me down. That's not gonna work.

"You think I'm overanalyzing things, but you are over here not even aware of who you are. Who are you? Are you just this band guy, who goes around places and fucks like no tomorrow, but still holding zero feelings and making everyone else frustrated about what the fuck he's thinking all the time? Or just... a big asshole?" I exclaim.

He looks at me puzzled, his quiff falls on his eyes and he scratches tha back of his head. He seems like he heard something that made him uncomfortable.

"(y/n)... Have you fallen in love with me?" he lets out.