In Search of Tomorrow ✓

Six

It was a whole hour before Cameron and I stopped reading biology and I let him out. The sky had darkened so that it was pitch-black outside, and a few stars were twinkling. I couldn't tell which of them were airplanes and which formed the constellations.

I spent a long time cleaning up my things after he'd left, thinking about what he'd taught me today and trying to figure out how I'd juggle my homework after Clare and Maddie went to bed. I really had to work on bills, which would likely keep me up until at least midnight, but I couldn't not do my homework.

I thought of Cameron's disappointed expression if I went to school without my assignments completed, receiving more zeroes on my grade card, and became resigned. I'd stay up all night if I had to, so long as I finished what I had to do.

Quietly, I climbed the steps and opened the door to Maddie and Clare's room, careful not to disturb them in case they were sleeping. But both of them were sitting up in bed--the lamp on their nightstand was even still on.

"You know it's way past your bedtime, especially you, Maddie," I said, walking in and sitting down on the bed. Maddie was yawning tiredly, but Clare was glaring at me resolutely.

"Why did you have to lie?" she asked, crossing her arms. Her stare deepened. "Cameron's so nice, and you had to lie to him."

I looked her over: her innocent eyes and her youthful face affected by what had happened to both of her parents, exposed to things nobody her age should have been. I pulled her into a hug and said, "We can't let anyone know, Clare, you know that."

"Why'd you have to pretend like Mommy was still alive?" she whimpered. I could feel tears staining my shirt, and when I looked down, I saw that she was crying.

This set Maddie off, too, even though she was too young to remember Mom very well, and before I knew it, both of them were sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's okay!" I exclaimed, even though is wasn't. I gathered Maddie into my arms too and held them both close as they cried. Right then, I too wanted to break down and let out all of my stress and worries and problems. But I knew I couldn't. Not in front of my little sisters. I was the only parent figure they had left, and I had to stay strong.

"Do you want me to read you a story?" I asked them, smoothing down their hair. Maddie sniffed loudly and nodded, her head grazing my arm, but Clare stayed silent. "Go pick one out," I said, nudging her.

Clare was still crying, but she obediently went over to the bookshelf and selected a book. I had filled the shelf with all the books I had read as a little girl, and just looking at them made me think of Mom and Dad and the story time we used to have when I was little and Clare was a baby. Why would Maddie never get that?

Moments later, Clare returned with a book I'd read countless times with Mom. I settled myself on the bed, leaning against the headboard, read the title. "I'll Love You Forever," I said, opening the book and flipping past the title page.

By the time I got to the end, there was a lump in my throat and my heart was heavy, but my sisters had stopped crying and Maddie was sound asleep. Clare was still awake, her eyes wide as I shut the book and set it on the pink bedspread beside me.

"Why aren't you tired yet?" I asked her, stretching and yawning. Even I was starting to get drowsy, and I still had the bills to work on and my homework to do. I wondered how much I could get done on the bus ride tomorrow. "You need to get to sleep."

Clare rubbed her eyes and said, "I like Cameron. He's like my older brother. Can he come over more often?"

"Of course he can." I kissed the top of her head and picked her up, laying her on her back beside Maddie. "Go to sleep. You have to get lots of rest for tomorrow."