You Don't Know What You Have Until You (Almost) Lose It

The Day I Lose My Everything (2)

Dan's POV*

Sweet relief hits me as we finally cross the threshold to our flat. I quickly slip my shoes off and sprint to my room to grab my charger. I swiftly pick it up and run back to the lounge, plugging in my phone.

"Do you have any idea what I could be missing right now? What if #SisterDaniel is trending again and I'm missing a chance to be sarcastic towards the Phandom? WHAT IF, PHIL?" I shout as Phil heads over to sit down next to me.

"I'm sure you aren't missing out on anything, Dan," he says. "If there were, I'd know because, well, I charged my phone last night."

"Shut up," I say, playfully glaring at Phil. I wait for the notifications to start blowing my phone up as I turn on the TV, which is on the Food Network, playing Cupcake Wars. My phone starts to vibrate like crazy. And then I notice an e-mail from the head of YouTube, so I quickly respond to that.

Subconsciously, I notice Phil staring at me, but I half ignore it. I proceed to check some texts, tweet about not having my phone for half the day, and check Tumblr.

The next thing that happened was unreal. I open Tumblr. Normal. I have to log in again for some reason. Odd, but still normal. I refresh my dash. Normal. I see a picture of me and Phil holding hands. Not normal. Not at all normal.

My stomach drops and my heartbeat speeds to about a billion beats per second. My face gets hot, though it's quite cold in the room. I start to sweat. My breaths quicken. My eyes are as wide as an owl's. This isn't happening. No one can know. Know one was supposed to know. Now everybody knows.

I pinch myself on the hand. This is when Phil takes notice as to what's happening. I pinch harder, begging to wake up from this. . . This nightmare. I spiral into a full blown panic attack. I pinch so hard I break skin and blood starts to flow onto my pale hand.

"Wh-What?" Phil asks. "Dan?"

"D-Don't," I say, pushing Phil off of me. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I need to go. I need to leave. I storm to my room and grab a fairly large bag and stuff a few handfuls of black t-shirts, underwear, some pants, etc. inside of it.

I grab a pair of shoes and throw that in too, then grab another pair to put on right now. I head out of my room, bag hanging from my shoulder, and shove my feet into the black shoes I randomly pick up. I walk over to the couch, cringing at the look of hope in Phil's eyes as I approach. I avoid eye contact as I grab my phone and charger and put that in the now almost-full bag.

Phil speaks up again and I break. "Dan? What's the matter? You're scaring m-"

Just. . . Just shut the hell up!" I shout so loud it hurts my throat as I turn to face him. "I-I can't do this, Phil. I'm staying with my parents for. . . awhile, I guess. Just. . . don't call me or text me or anything for that matter. Forget about me. Forget we were even friends. Let alone. . . Boyfriends. Bye." I then leave the flat. And Phil doesn't chase after me. Good. Makes it easier on me.

I stomp down the stair that lead to our flat. Before I know it, I'm in a cab, telling the driver the address to my parents house, tears streaming down my face.

He calls me. I told him not to call. I slide my thumb across the screen and answer. This is the only time you'll answer. I tell myself.

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone. Do. Not. Call. Me. Again." I hang up. The tears running down my face fall faster. The cab getting me far from Phil is getting farther. I am in a hurricane of emotions, and I see no way out.