Almost-Disaster

[6]

"You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence."— TFiOS

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The doorbell had been buzzing persistently. That's strange. When did I doze off at the table? I remember sitting down just for a bit.

Slowly I made my way to the door. I was feeling way more exhausted than usual.

Reign looked surprised to see I was the one who answered.

"I think mum went out for a bit," I told him. "Come on in. He must be at the backyard. I'll get him."

"No, I'll go get him." He said, striding past me.

Reign has Wes four days a week now, weekends included. A month after I came back from London was when things started to go downhill for my body. I was gradually losing my appetite and eventually my weight too. Also I threw up after eating my favourite mom's lasagna and the vomiting did not stop there. And I was fatigued all the damn time. I went to the doctor and he said it was probably just due to the stress and the lifestyle. I remembered my grandmother had died of breast cancer. So I discreetly scheduled for a mammogram just to be sure. The result showed no sign of it. Oh the fucking relief. The doctor set me up with a cancer diagnostic centre but it was two weeks until I finally went there since I was only getting worse. Colon Cancer was what the report said the next day. My mind completely zoned out and I walked out in the middle of the doctor's explanation in a daze.

Wes needs me, was my first thought. A lot of people have survived this, I told myself. A lot of others have not.

At work, I broke down when Nora told me I seemed a little off. I ended up telling her about it and she insisted I tell my parents right away and to go back to the doctor.

I was sent to surgery the day I went back to the doctor. No time to contemplate, to even say proper goodbyes and too much of a shock for my parents and friends. It didnt stop there for me. The cancer was still there in nearby tissues but my body couldn't take more surgeries. So they started chemo and by the third month the dose was rigorous.

I shaved off the rest of my hair and wore a scarf all the time. I had sold my small two-bedroom apartment and we moved into my parents home. I couldn't go to work nor take care of Wes and myself anymore.

"Bye mommy. Get well soon," Wes said as he planted a soft kiss on my cheek at the door.

"Byeee. And listen to your daddy, boo. I'll see you on Monday," I said before giving him the tightest hug I could muster.

"Mommy you're cushing me," Wes said as he wriggled out of my hold. The cancer had turned into an emotional wreck and I did not want to let go of Wes right now.

"Jean." Reign interjected and gently pulled Wes away from me. The look in his face said he knew what I was feeling. He hugged me, we did that a lot now and then they drove away.

I flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV to drown out my mind. "This is going to take away pieces of you until it has shelled you out hollow," a crazy cancer-ridden woman had said at the support group. I was so positive when the treatment started and though the doctors had talked me through the procedure and its side effects and how they were going to wear me down, I didn't realise how much they really sucked until they started hitting me one after the other. "It's really helpful to have a good humour to keep you going," said a survivor member.

The entertainment channel was showing celebrity interviews. Suddenly Trance Young was introduced to the camera— the budding model-turned-actor. Fucking universe was conspiring against me. The interviewer asked him about his upcoming film.

"Everything's hush hush at the moment but be prepared for a tear-jerker," was his reply which was followed by a practised laugh from the interviewer.

"All we can tell you viewers is," added the latter, "Trance's role falls in love with a woman way older than he is in the film and it's a test of love for them. Alright, stock well on those tissues. Next up—"

I almost choked on hearing that. Trance's face showed no sign of familiarity. Just a bright well-practised smile just like the interviewer's laugh.

Well-played, universe, well-played. Except for a dull ache, our moment didn't really bother me as much anymore. I didn't know why I allowed myself to be so attached to that single fleeting moment for so long. But I've realised there are bigger problems in life. Apparently cancer either impaired your better judgement or opened up your mind. I mean, Reign and I were on really good terms now— I don't know which category that fell in.

I looked at the clock and it was already time for my second dose of life-saving drugs for the day. I felt my wrist and though the pulse was weak and tired just like my mind, it was still a pulse and there was hope in that.

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A/N: I'm sorry if personal sentiments were hurt by the way I portrayed Jean's cancer. Anyway, thanks for reading!