Dear Elliot, (Wattys 2015)

Chapter 5: Her Desk

We used to have math and science together, I sat next to her in math and behind her in science. I take my seat beside it and stare at her desk. I ignore the "Morning work" question that teachers have been using since elementary school. Everyone is either looking at her desk, or at me. People who didn't even know her are grieving her. I feel like they are pretending to, though I don't know why. Mr. Brookes, our math teacher, strides into the classroom. 

"Alright everybody, do you guys have the question done, or do you need a bit more time?" Everyone mumbles that they aren't done, except for Margot Miller, who answers with a lively "Im done!" Everyone glares at her discreetly, but my attention stays on her desk. Mr Brookes continues with the class. He passes out a test, tells everyone to begin working, and heads back to his desk. I start looking at the test, but think of other stuff. Risa, Mom, Jackson. Everything. I look at the clock, we are 30 minutes into class, and I haven't started working. I'm going to fail. Im going to fail and my mom will never know, why am I WANTING her to know? Mr Brookes' voice cuts through my thoughts.

"Elliot? The guidance counselor wants to see you." I groan as I stand, I wobble a bit on my feet. I start out the door and someone laughs behind me. I look down to see if I have any toilet paper on my shoe, since I have a tendency not to check for stupid stuff like that. I notice I accidentally put on dress shoes instead of my usual sneakers. I keep walking out, and I don't turn around to see what they were laughing at. I walk down the hall, still wobbling. I feel nauseous.  

I make a pit stop at the bathroom, certain I am going to hurl. I drop to my knees and lean over the toilet. I realize I hadn't pulled the seat up, so I pull it up. Just in time too, as soon as its up, my lunch suddenly jumps out of my stomach. Once I am sure nothing else is coming up, I get up and flush the toilet. I walk to the sink where I rinse my mouth out. I look into the mirror. Is this really what I look like? Im not an unattractive person, I have really green eyes and a weird blond color hair, but I look completely different since I last looked in the mirror, which couldn't have been more than a few days. My eyes and face are red, probably since my lunch is now in the ocean. I have lost weight, which isn't a good thing since I wasn't that heavy to begin with. I look like a grieving 16 year old who just threw up.

Once I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror, I continue on my journey to the counselor's office. I get lost on the way, but once I get there I knock on the door. 

"Come in," A deep voice answers. I crack open the door and look in first. I see a small room filled with toys.l see a fat old dude, with a gray beard and very little hair. 

"Ah, Elliot Eller. Thats a name you don't hear everyday, hurry up and get in here, you're letting the heat out," Once I do get in I realize it is blazing hot. It feels like I am in a toaster oven (Cause its so small? You don't..Okay whatever)

"Hi," I quietly answer, shocked by how small my voice has become.