Hope

Chapter Twenty Five

The next few weeks passed by in a blur, the pain in my heart slowly lessening with each day that I was away from Danny. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do about him. True to her word, Daisy didn't tell him about me, at the very least, she told him that I needed space. Since I knew that Danny wasn't the type to stay away if he thought he was in the right, I'm assuming that she kept my secret.

Gabriella had been only a friend since that afternoon at the lingerie store. There were a few times where I caught the way she was looking at me and I thought that maybe, just maybe she would try something again that I wouldn't have to feel guilty about, but she never did. I think that she realized that I needed space from everyone, because our relationship was completely platonic.

If I'm being honest, I was sad about that. When Gabriella and I were together, we made a great couple. The only problem with us being together is that I am into guys more than I am girls, while Gabriella wanted me all to herself. She didn't want to share me with any guys, and I couldn't be in a long term relationship with a girl, I just don't think I could deal with that.

The best part about being back from a long time away was that everyone in my social circle had kept moving on without me. There was new gossip, relationships had come and gone, and there had been several parties since that horrible night. I still got some sly looks when I was out on the town, but people have relatively short term memories, and they had forgotten about my wanton display of lust for Trip.

Granted, that was how they saw it. No one knew that he had drugged me into feeling those things except for me and the people I had shared it with in Hope. I hadn't even told Gabriella about it. Every time I tried to tell her about what Trip had done to me, I just couldn't do it. It's like the words were trapped in my throat.

The one person I called from Hope was Gerry. I felt bad about leaving the way I had, and needed to apologize and explain why I left without telling him. Luckily, Gerry is a pretty easy going guy, so he took it all in stride. He understood everything, and even told me that he hoped I will find what I am looking for. Now, if only I knew what that was, maybe I would be able to figure things out better.

The one thing I didn't tell Gerry was who I am. Nothing would have been worse than telling Daisy to lie to her brother only for me to go and tell everything to Gerry and have him tell Danny. I couldn't do that to Danny or to Daisy. After everything I had said to her, I couldn't do that.

I have no idea if Daisy or Gabriella ever spoke to one another. Gabriella never mentioned her again, and neither did I. In all likelihood, they were probably talking to one another about me because I know they both think that I should be with Danny. Gabriella was also probably keeping Daisy apprised of everything that was going on in my life, letting her know when she thought I was going to be ready to go back to Hope.

I love Danny with every fiber of my being, but I'm still me and I can't change that. Maybe he can accept who I am, but what if he can't? I'm not sure that I can let him hurt me that way. But, I've hurt him immensely by leaving without even really saying goodbye. I wish I knew what it was that I should do.

"Gabs, why haven't you tried to make a move on me since we went shopping that one time?" I asked Gabriella as we sat on my bed looking through catalogs.

She looked up at me in surprise, "Do you want me to make a move on you?"

My face flushed beet red, "Well..."

"No, you know what, don't answer that. Let me explain first and then you can decide what you want to tell me." I nodded, "You love this mystery man that you spent months with. And when I say love, I mean love with a capital L. The 'til death do us part kind of love." She put the magazine down and sighed, "You know that I love you to death, and if you let me, I could love you like he does. But I know that you could never love me that way."