Chim - Who You Are

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

From the moment I walked into the bathroom til now has been a total blur. I'm now sat in the hospital corridor waiting for some kind of news on my mum. If I hadn't been there when I did then she would have been dead.

Still I didn't know if she would be okay or not. All I knew was that she had tried to Kill herself again.

2 hours I have been sitting here, it was past midnight now, the hospital was pretty empty, and I felt even more alone than normal as I paced the corridor.

"Kimberley Walsh" I turn around as I hear my name being called. A young male doctor walking towards me.

"is she okay?" I ask, preparing myself for the worst. I think the look on his face answered my question, but I keep looking at him, waiting to hear.

"I'm afraid it isn't good news" He says and I instantly think she's dead. I don't know why but I don't cry, I don't even know what to think. I couldn't tell you what was going through my mind.

"She is awake" He carries on and even that doesn't cause any emotion within me. "but her body is shutting down. Her organs aren't functioning properly and there isn't anything else we can do"

I just stare ahead as I take in what he is saying. I'm surprised she has lasted this long to be honest. The amout of alochol she has assumed, the amout of tablets, her body has given up on her.

"I am sorry Kimberley, She is asking for you, so go through whenever you are ready" He says, and he offers me a look of sympathy 

When I enter her room, she turns her head slowly to look at me, like she has done so many times.

"Why?" I ask, Its all I want to know. I want to know why she had to do it again. Why she had to put me through this. Why she couldn''t let me have the childhood I deserved. That everyone deserves.

She doesn't answer my question though, she answers with a sentence I have heard so many times.

"I know I haven't been the best mother this past year" 

Its something she says everytime she ends up in hospital or in that 5 mins when she wakes up when she is hungover and nor drunk. I've heard it too often that I could have told her that myself.

"I'd like to say I tried to be but I know I didn't. I let myself down as a mother and I will never 

forgive myself for letting you down" She says her voice quiet, it didn't sound 

like my mum, even when she was drunk and out her face, she wasn't ever like 

this. 

"You could have changed" I said eventually.

"I can't see myself out of this mess, I can't ever see myself being happy again, 

I've done too much damage. I woke up this morning and got a call from you're 

school and she informed me about the fight at school. I had no idea you have 

been going through so much stuff at school, I mean look at you, I should have 

noticed the state you are in, I should have been there to comfort you and..."

"And it still wasn't enough. You no know what I have been going through, you now 

know that I got beat up again, you knew and yet you still went ahead. You say 

you haven't been there for me, that could have been you're chance" I say my