Hide and Seek and Desperation

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Hey guys! Please don't kill me! I have been very busy with my senior year so far. I have graduated already at the Top 5% of my graduating class with two cords for Advanced Placement (5 courses or more) and National Honor Society. I also went to prom beforehand, so I'm a happy camper. I did get into college with a scholarship; 98% of my funds are already paid for especially since I got some private scholarships as well. I'm sorry I have not been updating this summer; I received the opportunity to participate in a 6 week paid internship at my University. Our schedule was so tight that I never had the time to update. However, the next update is here! I also move into my dorm tomorrow as well! Enjoy!

~TheAnonymousEnigma


                 

«·''·.(*·.¸('·.¸*XII. Hide and Seek and Desperation*¸.·')¸.·*).·''·»

That moment when you feel like you're in a coma– trapped in your own body, disoriented, and forced to hear outsiders talk to your condition, about you, as if they've known you their whole lives. We all have that point in our lives where we reach rock bottom. There's no in between. In these moments, we cling to what we have left in life all the while creating a deeper chasm for ourselves with every single second that passes.

We reach that point where we wonder why we are clinging to something that causes us so much pain, so much chaos, so much despair that we start to wonder why we care. This is the calm before the storm. For a while we are zombies – corpses wandering around looking for a purpose. This phase is a safe place for a while. Ignorance is truly bliss until reality is forced upon you. You feel weak, vulnerable, and foolish.

You soon realize that you're only human, you break, you mend, and you will always have scars. However, those scars are signs of survival, signs of some type of righteousness. It shows that you are doing something right apparently because life is a nuclear bomb, and no one, no survivor makes it through life without some type of scars. The more scars you have, the stronger your survival skills are, the stronger you are, the more wisdom you gain, the more you find yourself as a person, the braver you are, the more stories you have to tell.

(¸.·'*
THAI

The walls of this place were slowly closing in on me as I walk through this place feeling like an outcast, rickety, and wilted from everything that has occurred over the past few days. The whispers in the hallway are eternal.

"There she is, the slut who slept with Luis."

"I heard she actually didn't."

"So what? The b**** deserved everything she got. Even she should know what a slob she was."

Angil gives me a worried look with an underlying look of anger, and I give her a wry smile, avoiding others eyes for the fear of seeing judgement, antipathy, and pity. I already judge myself, feel revulsion for myself, and my level of self-pity is on an ultimate high right now.

I let out a breath of relief that I never knew I was holding when I finally get to my seat in first period. The teacher starts to drone on and on, and for once, I am thankful for it. I cannot focus in my classes for the day, and I find myself actually studying at home to keep up for a while. I cannot be in the cafeteria for the first few weeks, and I eat lunch at other places, whether it be outside or in one of the hidden crevices of this school that I have come to know.

Today, I'm outside underneath a tree with my backpack and stuff in hand. Luis had my lunch period, and I really didn't want to have to see him or his friends laughing at my expense. I have an hour to kill, so I start working on a homework assignment for pre-calculus. I soon hear the pitter patter of footsteps and quickly look up.

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