Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Thirteen

×Trigger Warning for suicidal minds

It's funny how one little line in a little fucking pathetic song can bring on so many violent thoughts. Pathetic in the fact that it doesn't have a dark meaning behind it at all yet it triggers so many. Maybe that's just because I'm fucked in the head. Then again, aren't we all?

I'm never going to get better. I've already gotten a taste of the bad stuff. It burns and it's not so great at first, but you keep coming back for it. Peer pressure. Your 'friends' edge it on and you begin to wonder how in the hell you've found yourself accompanied by so many horrid things. The bad stuff starts off bittersweet, but ends up being a little more sweet than bitter. By now, it's like the diabetes has caught up with you. The sweetness tingles your veins with every touch yet it has such a terrible affect. It's too late now. You might as well kiss your ass goodbye and prepare to meet your maker.

My arm stings and I'm sickly satisfied with the destruction I've caused, but it doesn't seem like enough. Nothing seems like enough. Maybe it's best I do give up now. I've already sold myself out years ago, why not just end it all? I can't see any other way out of this sad little pathetic life of mine that quite closely resembles the song I had played earlier. God, I'm insane.

My phone vibrates for the hundredth time today but I can't bring myself to look at it. I don't want to talk to him. Remember, it means nothing. I don't mean anything to him. As good as that should make me feel, it doesn't. It feels like someone dove their hand into my chest and is squeezing my heart. My stomach hurts. It feels like the butterflies fucking died. The sickening feeling is now one of pain. I hate this.

Again, my phone rings. He's calling me. I should probably answer before he drives over here. Good. Let him see me. I want him to know the god damn pain he's putting me through, but I really don't want another visit to the hospital. Medication is useless just like me.

After the third consecutive ring, I'm just beyond pissed. I grabbed it off the counter and slid it over, answering the call.

"Leave me the hell alone." The only words I said, before ending it. That's the only thing I need to say, and need him to do.

Vic had clouded my judgement for far too long. He made me think that I maybe had a chance. That maybe shit just wasn't that bad. I told myself I wouldn't lower my walls completely yet I'm pathetic enough that I did. He pried his way through. Now, I'm taking control again and finishing out what I started.

The bottle of pills sitting on the basin looked more enticing than they used to. I refused to use any medication for any reason. Not like I ever wanted to live anyways, so why take them to get better? I've never been too keen on using pills to make myself worse either. But you know, I'm finding myself in a position where I don't really care about anything anymore. So with shaking hands, I popped the cap.

Something in the back of my mind was telling me no. But my entire body screamed yes. I went with the side that appealed to my impulse.

---

It hurt. It really did. My heart was beating so damn fast and that's right the opposite of what I need. I don't need to be here. I don't need people feeling sorry for me. I definitely don't need Vic trying to be a hero.

One arm held me to his chest. I gave up trying to make him let me go a while ago. I'm too weak for that. I just wish I couldn't feel anything at all. His other held his phone to his ear, as he spoke to god knows who. My ears were ringing. I really didn't care anyways. I can just pray I die before they get here.

I've never been allergic to a food or a bug, not even a plant. I'm allergic to penicillin. What luck it was an entire bottle was sitting on the counter just begging my name. Enough to do me over. I'm just waiting now.

My breathing was unregulated and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Well, my intentions are anything but good. They're good to me though. Now if they're good enough, I don't know. We'll find out soon, but not soon enough.

Everything felt heavy. I couldn't really feel anything but burning. My throat burned, my insides burned, it felt like fire was devouring me inside out. It hurt so fucking much. If this doesn't work I'm just going to take a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains. Wouldn't that be so nice, quick, and horribly simplistic. Yet again I come to find that death is so simple for it to be as bad as they make it seem. This though, isn't so simple. Maybe I could've chosen a better way to kill myself.

I was slipping in and out of consciousness, that much I could tell. One minute I'd be devoured by blackness, and another Vic was shaking me and saying something but my ears weren't getting the memo.

Once again, I slipped under but I don't think Vic woke me up this time.