Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Fourteen

Vic's P.O.V

I felt numb. I felt like my whole world just disappeared beneath me. Nothing seemed real anymore. I didn't want it to be. But sadly, it was very painfully real.

No one is telling me anything. Nothing about how Kellin is doing, if he's even alive, or if he'll be okay. I'm just sitting here letting my mind go and it's killing me. There's so many things I didn't say.

Like how much me meant to me. I haven't fell for anyone in a long time. I know what it feels like to love someone that doesn't love you back. So why did I let Kellin think I didn't? The boy and I have formed some type of bond. What kind? I don't fucking know. I just know that I'm attached and I'm not ready to let go.

My leg bounced in anticipation, tapping the tile every time it'd drop back down. The floor was cracked in many places and stained in others. This is definitely a shitty hospital. I've picked out every flaw, trying to distract myself. Trying to distract the negativity that's seeping it's way into my skin slowly. The feeling brings bad thoughts. It brings the always hope crushing reality of it all.

Kellin had tried to kill himself. He doesn't want to be alive. That thought alone chokes me up, so I quickly shove it from my mind.

For the hundredth time, I count the times two lines cross on these tiles. Just waiting for something. Anything.

---

Kellin's P.O.V

People ran around me, hooking me up to several machines acting like I was going into cardiac arrest. Hell, it felt like it. I slipped back into this world at some point. I don't know. All I do know, is that everything hurts and I still want to fucking die. Yet I'm still alive.

Someone shoved an IV in my arm as if I couldn't feel anything.

"Damn, I'm alive, you know. Still have feeling." I don't understand why I'm even saying that. I'm so hypocritical it's beginning to worry me.

No one listened to me. Doctors lifted my shirt and pressed a cold ass fucking stethoscope to my chest, listening to my heart. One that was still beating. Am I bionic boy? It seems like I can't die.

No matter the havoc going on around me, my mind still wandered to Vic. When he was holding me and talking, I could've swore I caught something about feelings. Though it doesn't matter. Nothing means anything. Vic says he cares, but he doesn't. He likes to act like he does to maybe get a promotion for dealing with his fucked up charity case. The things I've put him through, he deserves something. And it definitely isn't this. Shut the hell up Kellin. He doesn't care if you die on this table. Quite frankly, I'd think the doctors are a bit ready for me to roll over dead, seeing as they're all exhausted-looking. I'm more trouble than it's worth.

It took about an hour for everyone to calm down. I wonder how many people they get in here for having attempted suicide. I wonder how many people failed at it.

My stomach feels like it's on fire, as does everything else in my body. It's hard to breathe. When will this feeling go away? I don't like it. What happened to my theory of simplistic death? Cause it sure as hell feels like I'm dying and this is anything but simple.

Something occurred to me just now. Why didn't I fucking think about this before I went and did something that wasn't full proof enough to kill me the first time? I'd be put in a mental hospital for this. My first failed attempt. They already assume my first visit here was an attempt, so they'd consider this my second failed attempt. I got off by the grace of some god last time I was here.

I can't be locked down. Nothing can be done there. Places like that like to think they're driving people back to sanity when in fact they're drowning us in a pool of crazy. They single you out. Make you feel different. Then they say they want you to feel normal. They'll shove pills down your throat for the sake of 'yourself' but it's just so they don't have to deal with you anymore. What better way to treat someone than to knock them out for awhile? They can't feel pain if they're asleep, obviously. I'm just a bit sarcastic today.

This god damn I.V. itches like a mother fucker. I wanna take it out but I can't. They haven't talked to me yet, so I don't really know what they're doing with me. To be honest, I don't fucking care anymore. I'm just.. existing and I don't see the point in anything. There's no valid reason as to why I was created and for what purpose. I feel useless. Well, probably because I am.

I pulled the covers up, tugging at them. I wanted to hurt someone. Something. Myself in particular, but that's not an option at the moment. A surge of anger bolted through me. How could I be so fucking stupid? My fists clenched and unclenched over and over again. I haven't felt like this in a while. The urge to punch something or just scream flooded over me. God damn it Kellin.

My actions weren't at my digression. The word poured out of my mouth before I could even process I had said it. "Fuck!" I shouted, pulling roughly at my hair.

Thank god there's no one else in here. Though the walls are paper thin. I don't fucking care. Everything hurts and I just want to die; is that too much to ask for? I'm tired of people saving me. There's nothing left worth fighting for.

--
So this story is coming to an end.
It'll end at chapter twenty.
-S