The Past Is Present

Chapter 5

•Ross•
I finally went to sleep after reading a few more pages out of Laura's journal. I've had her song on repeat since earlier this morning. Just hearing her voice makes me smile. It's just the song that makes me upset since she wrote a few lines about me in it.

'Where are you? I need you?'

'Don't leave me here on my own.'

'I can't survive unless your here with me.'

'Don't leave me side.'

Those lines were meant for me and I know it. I can't believe I left Laura hanging! Why didn't I notice the pain she was in? I can't believe how selfish I was not to notice the damn hate!

"God damn it!!" I scream into my pillow. I hear a knock at my door.

"Ross? It's Rocky. You alright?" He asked. "You think I'm alright?!" I exclaimed and he opened the door.

"Sorry. That was a stupid question." He said.

"Ya think?" I snapped and he sighed. "I'm sorry Rock. It's just still very, very hard." I say with little sobs escaping my mouth.

"Dude I get it. I know what your going through. I felt this way when SpongeBob choose Gary over Patrick." (A.N/ I know that didn't really happen)

"No. You don't know what I'm going though. I loved Laura with all my heart! And I still do!" I shouted at him.

"Ross, I'm not going to sit here and fight with you. I know you love Laura." He said and I sighed.

"I need to be alone. Can you go please?" I asked and he nodded. "Sure. You know where I'll be." He said and walked out.

I laid back down and put my headphones back in and un-paused  Laura's song.

Haunted. I'm haunted, by guilt. I pull out my phone and log onto Twitter. Man I haven't been on here since, forever.

I see thousands of notifications. Some hate on me but I ignore them. Some asking how I'm doing since Laura's suicide. Others asking when R5 is going to preform again.

Then something caught my eye; hate. Hate on my Laura. (A.N/ I'm making up the usernames. I hope their fake!)

@FuckTheMaranos: I'm glad @lauramarano killed herself. She didn't deserve @rossr5 anyway! She was just a little slut looking for fame! Ross can find someone better than MORONO!

I felt my blood boil with complete, red hot rage.

@rossr5: @FuckTheMaranos DONT YOU EVER SAY LAURA DIDNT DESERVE ME!! SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!! Get a fucking life!! Your probably half the reason she's gone!

I pressed tweet and I felt just the slightest bit of relief. Hundreds of replies lashing out on that one hater. Others saying how I did the right thing or asking how I was doing.

@R5s_DoctorDoctor: @rossr5 I can't imagine what your going though. I cried for weeks after @lauramarano suicide and I didn't even get a chance to meet her! I hope your doing well. Please get better soon.

I decided to write back to this fan. It would probably mean a lot to her.

@rossr5: @R5s_DoctorDoctor Laura really wanted to meet most of her fans. I'm really sorry you didn't get a chance to. She would have loved to meet you! I'll get better eventually, just not for a long time.

The second I tweet, hundreds of favorites an re-tweets. Some people are bringing back the hashtags #WeLoveYouRoss and #PrayForRoss.

"Ross? Can we talk?" I hear Rydel say while knocking on my door.

"Sure." I mumble and put my phone under my pillow.

"Hey. How you feeling?" She asks and I look at her with my red, puffy eyes.

She sighs. "I have something to ask." She says.

"Go ahead." I say an lay back down. 

"We want to start performing again." She quickly said. My eyes widened.

"Delly I- I'm not ready!" I exclaim and she sighs. "Ross, we haven't preformed in a year. We're loosing our name! People are starting forget who we are!" She said.

"I could honestly care less." I mumble.

"Please, think about it." She says and I nod. She then leaves my room.

I grab Laura's journal and re-read her song 'Haunted'. Then an idea come to me. I could have Rydel sing Laura's song! And I could come up with some guitar cords.

"You needed me?" I hear Laura ask, sitting beside me.

"I'll always need you." I say, kissing her cheek. "Anyways. Can I have Rydel sing your song 'Haunted'? She wants R5 to preform again but I'm not ready. But then this idea came to me. I'll show the world how talented you are. I'll have this concert dedicated to you." I say and Laura's smile beams. 

"I would love that! But don't do it for me, do it for you."