I'm Not Exactly Sure

Entry 5: I'm Kinda Angry

I don't remember what I was angry about when I started writing this a few days ago, but I'm still angry so idk I'm just gonna keep the entry title. Wattpad is a bitch and deleted what I'd written. It's August 31st at 9:52 p.m.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG I'M SORRY!!! Okay, it's September 3rd, I think.

I have to just shout out Kirstyam again because she made me cry last night with an incredibly long, heartfelt letter on Internet Friend Day.

I seriously don't deserve this girl, I swear. I can't find the paragraph she sent me, but it made me cry like a little freaking baby..

Dear Kirsten,

So you, by now, are like family. You know more about me than 99.99999% of all humans on Earth. The rest of the people (okay probably only one other person tbh) are even. you have been with me through thick and thin the past probably year and a half now, and I honestly believe I would not be alive right now if it weren't for you. Take from that what you will, but you have actually, legitimately, and single-handedly preserved my life. From the other side of the world, no less.

Please, Kirsten, don't tell me I saved myself, just accept the fact that I blame you for my current existence, and accept how thankful I am for you. You are so beautiful, and you're smart, and you're an absolutely incredible writer, and you're funny, creative, humble, and your accent makes me so happy I can't even see straight.

You always know how to make me happy when I'm sad, you can find the good in literally any situation, you are always there for me, and you make me cry more often than is probably healthy. ://

You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to know how absolutely amazing you are. You are an amazing listener, you're more compassionate than anybody else I've ever met, and it doesn't hurt that your taste in music is more than above average. ( ;) )

I honestly don't even know how to put how I think of you into words. I just..... ugh!

-- (Conservation of Late Night Conversations)

Small World

I'm friends with a person, who knows somebody, acquainted with this person, who knows of someone.

It's so intriguing how strangers are affected by something that one seemingly small and irrelevant individual has done

"It blew my mind"
"It was incredible"
"Makes you think how big is this world really?"
This crazy fast-paced non-stop world that is spun.

"Did you know Austin personally?"
"He was my favourite cousin"
Everyone is travelling through life, have others beside you on the long unsteady run.

When things get fast, take it slow. Be happy and be sad. Laugh and cry. Be miserable but also have fun.

"It's an incredibly small world"
"He was an amazing person"
When others leave amiss your race, let them because maybe in theirs, the race is done.

-k.b. // 19/8/15

Rest in Paradise Austin--

^a poem by kirstyam about my cousin (that ofc made me cry)

I can't wait until 2019 when Lily and I are going to fly out to Ireland and pick you up and then fly out to Madrid, and we're gonna go clubbing and get super super super drunk off of happiness;). I know that I someday will meet you, whether it actually is 4 years from now, or sooner, or 20 years from now, it will happen. I would sooner stop liking 5 Seconds of Summer than I would lose my friendship with you.

I just would like to close this out by thanking you.

Thank you for all of the good you have brought into my life. Thank you for constantly making me happy. Thank you for understanding that sometimes I just need to take a second to be sad. Thank you for taking time out of each day to talk to me through the internet. Thank you for dealing with all of my bullshit lol. Thank you for being so kind and compassionate amd trustworthy. Thank you for allowing me to confide in you about even the darkest parts of myself. Thank you for making feel like less of a failure with just a few words. Thank you for raving about clothing with me. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for allowing me to be silly and not think twice about it. Thank you for helping me not care what others think. Thank you for welcoming my sarcasm with open arms. Thank you for balancing me out. Thank you for always knowing how to make me laugh when it feels like I'll never laugh again. Thank you for reminding me that I am strong. Thank you for reminding me to be myself. Thank you for staying up until morning to talk to me. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for always being you.

Well, you're going to wake up in a few short hours, and I'm going to sleep.

I hope that this makes your day like you always make mine

I love you so much more than words can even describe, Heroine.

I have no idea what I would ever do without you, I honestly don't think I would last very long.

It's 12:57 in the morning on September 6th, and I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, but I really wanted to finish writing this for you. I have no idea what I did in my past lives to deserve you, but I am so very thankful. To be completely honest, I don't think I deserve you. I don't feel like I deserve your friendship or your kind words or your awesome late night poetry, but I'm thankful for all of it. Please remember that I am here to stay, and you can always, always, always tell me anything!

Okay, I feel like I'm totally just repeating thoughts by now, so I'm gonna calm down. I love you so very much!

Love always,

Meg♡