11/23

Hashtag 20

#BadBloodBattle

"Love is war and to feel is to die in battle."

-x-

Riona Jayne Blanco was a bomb; silent, unnoticed, but when the time was up, or exposed and triggered - everyone around will be wounded from the outburst – even die from the explosion. Jhing knew it very well, of course. She was the bomb. The ticking was inside her, and the trigger would always be him.

That man she must call Tatay.

If she was the one who planted the bomb inside her, he gave the bomb to be planted.

No one deserved the explosive. No one deserved to be hurt, wounded or die with her. Especially a guy who would do his best to make the ticking bomb stop – but couldn't – and how she wished he could.

"Jhing?" his voice from the other side was low and soft. Ilang minuto na rin itong kumakatok sa pinto but Jhing didn't move a single muscle. "Jhing . . ."

Tumingin sa taas si Jhing and saw a hook. A year ago, she was tempted to put a rope there and maybe around her neck. Hearing the shouts of her Tatay outside that night telling her Nanay, manahimik ka na nga! Kaya ang tatanga ng mga anak natin dahil kinukunsinti mo! just because Jhing wanted to write for a living.

Now that the surrounding was silent, no shouts or cries, just the beating of her heart; she got tempted again.

But of course, she couldn't do it.

She was too scared to feel the burning hurt.

Scaredy cat.

"Jhing, sorry. . ." said the voice outside.

Hindi ito makasigaw dahil tulog ang Tatay ni Jhing sa sala. She heard her Nanay's voice saying, hayaan mo muna siguro, but Miko didn't stop. He kept on knocking and calling her.

She was a black hole, sucking all the happiness away.

Shame on Miko who wanted to be sucked by Jhing's black hole. Shame on Jhing for letting Miko's happiness be drained by her own stupid black hole.

Jhing closed her eyes. The tears were nowhere, she stayed still. She didn't mean to shout at Miko. And she was sure Miko was blaming himself for the outburst. He kept saying sorry and she kept hurting.

Every sorry from him felt like a knife stabbing her heart.

Another knock, Jhing heard Letlet's voice. "Kuya, walang lock 'yung pinto," she said. "Pwede kang pumasok."

"Ay talaga?" Silence. "Salamat."

Jhing heard Miko enter the room. Fuck that door. May sira nga pala at hindi pa rin napapaayos dahil walang pera. Because of that stupid hospital bill!

"Jhing?" Miko called.

Jhing stayed still on the bed. Nakakumot siya, curled up like a baby, wanted to get sleep but her mind was drowning from dark thoughts. Her siblings sleep in the room, but was afraid of Jhing, kaya hindi pumapasok sa kwarto.

Miko sat on the bed. His touch on her arm, kahit may kumot, made her heart a lot heavier.

"Dun sa kanina," Miko started. Jhing forced her eyes to remain closed. "Sorry talaga. Akala ko kasi—ah, shit. Sorry. Sorry. . ."

Jhing wanted to shout stop saying sorry! but her lips couldn't move.

They were silent for a few minutes.