Escaping the Labyrinth

Chapter 6

I woke up at my aunties house. I don't remember leaving the school. I don't remember getting in her car or anything. I was in her bed. She came upstairs and gave me a hamburger and told me to eat it. After I was done I black out again. The next thing I remember is me in my grandmas living room. My mom came in the door yelling and screaming. "YOU GAVE MY BABY XANAX BITCH?!" "She didn't ... S-she didn't give me anything" I said slurring my words. I felt drowsy. I blacked out again and i was on the floor and my mom was hitting me. "STOP TENISHA!!" My auntie yelled trying to get her off of me. My aunties nephew tried to call the police and she punched him in his face. "DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO THIS IS MY DAUGHTER YALL LUCKY I DONT STOMP HER ASS" "STOMP ME !!!!" I yelled at her "KILL ME I DONT CARE!!!!!!" I woke up at home. Everything in my life was horrible. I was making everything harder and harder on myself. I went in my room and went to sleep. My little brother was scared. He asked my mom if I was going to wake up. And I did. He asked me if I wanted an Arizona and some chips and I just cried. I pulled out my phone and I made a post on Instagram. Explaining to everyone that I was sorry and I loved everyone who supported me. It was time. My knee was hurting. I looked down and saw blood seeping through my khaki pants. They were ripped as well. I took them off. I stumbled through the hallway trying to get to the bathroom. Tears flowed from her cheeks. I could barely see. I was so high she could barely even stand up straight. I turned on the shower and received a call from Alina. We bawled our eyes out. Alina was crying and talking at the same time so I could barely comprehend what she was saying. The call ended. I got a text from Steven telling me to say I never took the Xanax only Motrin. I became frustrated. Frustrated with him. Frustrated with myself. I could possibly be facing explosion and I couldn't handle it. "It's time."I said. "It's time." I repeated it over and over. Searching for the pain killers that I always left in the bathroom. I found them and pored them onto the bathroom sink. I took a handful and washed them down with water. I got in the shower and screamed.I watched the blood go down the drain. I had cuts on my legs from being dragged across the floor by my mother. I felt as if my chest was being ripped apart. I cried like she never had before because the pain was excruciating. I knew that this egregious mistake could ruin my entire future. I had been fighting my battle for so long, but I finally decided to give up. I closed my eyes and smiled. "It's time."I laid there and I waited to die. I thought about how beautiful it'd be, and I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I could finally be free. I felt so sleepy and sluggish and my stomach started to hurt. I thought my liver was giving out due to all the pills I had been Taking recently but I didn't care. Suddenly I got nauseated and it felt like my head was spinning I tried my best to get out the shower without falling and I puked all in the toilet. I started bawling my eyes out because I knew I threw up the pills and I wasn't going to die. I flushed the toilet and washed my mouth out, I put on something to sleep. Ms. Phillips ( the principal at my school) called my mom and told her that some students told her I was threatening to kill myself. "Bring me that phone!" My mom yelled. I turned it off and then I gave it to her. I went back into my room and fell asleep. I swear I left for almost 24 hours. When I woke up I was confused and it all hit me and I started bawling my eyes out. I ruined everything and my suicide attempt wasn't successful. No matter how many times I tried nothing ever worked. I felt like shit. I was at an all time low. I was thinking to myself telling myself that I couldn't do anything right, couldn't be a good student, couldn't be a good daughter, couldn't be a good sister, couldn't be a good girlfriend, couldn't kill my self. What could I do? I was hopeless and I felt worthless. I didn't wanna be here I just wanted an end to the pain. Not only was I causing myself pain I was causing everyone else around me pain as well. The next day I had to go to a meeting at my school. I was so anxious and scared and I wasn't the only one waiting. When they called my name me my mom and my grandma walked into the room and sat down. In the room there was a big table with about twelve seats. Mr Brown, assistant principal , and Mrs. singleton sat in the chairs towards the end and a police officer sat on the opposite side. When we sat down Mr. Brown greeted my mom and grandmother. "I'm sure you knew that Steven and Akira were dating correct?" He said to my mom "yes." She replied. "Well... We don't know if it ended badly but he told us that he had a headache and asked Dae'Jhanae for a Motrin." I was so baffled and any lie I thought of before went out of the window. I just told them everything that happened and I didn't lie about anything. My counselor came in to join the meeting during the mist of me explaining things. She suggested that I be evaluated bc she was worried about me and my suicide attempts. Mr brown then explained that it wasn't up to him and that I had to have an herring with the school board before I came back to school. I wrote my statement of what happened and he wished me the best of luck. I started to cry again and we got into the car and went home. The next day my mom and I went to the hospital and they sent us to the children's center. It was so weird. I didn't really know what to expect. We sat in the waiting room with other families and Cartoon Network was on the television. I wondered why the young boy was there he was about 7. I wondered why the other boy was there too. He was a little older than me and he was waiting with his mom, little brother, and cousin. I sat next to my mom and we just waited and waited. They called the little boy and then the boy older than me. Then they called my mom but I had to stay in the waiting room. 15 minutes or so later my mom came back to get me and we went into a room with this lady and she just asking normal questions. What's today's date? What year is it? Where are you right now? And she explained how surprised I'd be if I knew how many children didn't know the answers to these questions. She started to ask me about myself and why I got expelled and what was causing my depression. I never told any shrinks why I was actually depressed I would normally blame school, Steven, or my parents divorce. My mom left the room and I showed the lady the cuts on my wrists. I started to cry again. She scribbled something onto her notepad with other notes she had wrote about me. She told my mom that I cut myself. I didn't want her to know, But she had to tell. She gave my mom this booklet about this out patient program called new Oakland. She said it would be perfect for me because I was expelled and didn't have to miss school. It was kind of far but they did provide transportation. When we got home my mom called and she said they'd be picking me up in the morning.

( okay I know someone you may look at it as oh it's not that deep I want you guys to understand that depression is a terrible mental illness and it is very hard to deal with and 5 years is a long time to carry that weight on your shoulders.)