The Dancer

3

I had been numb for days. A fog settled over my life and I was simply going through the motions. I knew it was best that my father died, but that didn't make it any easier. The only thing that helped was the fact that he wasn't suffering anymore.

I had never put much thought into the afterlife or if there even was one, but after losing two parents, I hoped there was. I hoped they were together again and happy like when I was younger.

I hoped Carol could find happiness again. I had never seen someone cry so much. I knew she loved my father deeply even though she only got to spend a short time with him before he got sick. His sickness never changed who he was at his core; she fell in love with the stern, fair, but loving man I grew up with, the man I idolized and strived to be like.

The arrangements were easy to make. My father left a will and stated exactly what he wanted. We cremated him days after his death and placed his urn on my mother's grave. The full military ceremony wouldn't be for a few weeks. They claimed they wanted to give more high ranking officers the chance to attend and that was the reason for the delay. Maybe it was. I didn't know. My father dedicated his life to the military and several intelligence agencies. The least they could do was have a ceremony for him.

I hadn't told Nicolae why I needed to leave that night. I just said there was an emergency and slapped a ten dollar bill on the table before taking off in a rush. I hadn't seen him since then though I knew I needed to. My father would have been disappointed if I let an opportunity like this slip through my fingers. It was the first job Miss Debbie had offered me and I couldn't mess it up. Besides, he didn't want me to be sad.

Well, I couldn't help that. I was beyond sad, but I had to suck it up and deal with it. That was how he raised me. There was nothing I could do about his death and I needed to move on from it. It might have sounded cold to others, but I knew what he wanted.

It was Wednesday when Carol and I finished with my father's lawyer and heard the distribution of his wealth. As expected, he split everything right down the middle with me and Carol. Apparently my father had some hefty life insurance policies taken out to support us in the event of his death. I couldn't even think about the money though and I knew Carol couldn't either.

I had Miss Debbie contact Nicolae to let him know I would start with Katerina on Thursday. He told me to take all the time I needed, but I insisted I was ready. I needed to get out of my own head.

As I drove to Potomac, I thought about the night I had drinks with Nicolae and Alexandru. They knew something was very wrong that night and perhaps it wasn't fair of me to run off like that without explaining, but I was sure they understood.

Nicolae's giant home came into view and I pulled into the driveway. Before I could reach over and grab my bag, Alexandru was at my door opening it for me. He offered me a pity smile and softly greeted me. Clearly, he was aware of what happened. I put on my best face and stepped out of my car.

I didn't want to think about my father. I didn't want anyone to offer condolences. I just wanted to spend an hour with my head somewhere other than where it had been for almost a week.

Alexandru walked me inside the house and upstairs to the ballet room. Katerina sat on the floor, tugging at her tights and leotard. Her round face was void of any emotion as she stood. Alexandru left and closed the door.

"Hi, Katerina," I started.

I walked over to the sound system and set my bag down. I scrolled through my phone in search of the playlist I created for the class.

"Papa told me your father died," she said.

I lifted my eyes from my phone to look at her. Her tone was flat and I found it hard to believe she actually cared whether or not my father died.